“American Idol”
Tuesday 8pm, Fox
I literally spit in disgust when I think about how Taylor f’ing Hicks actually won last season’s “American Idol” competition. I mean, come on, people! I gave y’all a lot more credit than that. But I guess this is how things like Urkel or Jessica Simpson happen. Now is your chance to right your wrongs. It’s a new season. The rules remain completely unchanged. Paula will, undoubtedly, be drunk and/or frisky. And thousands of moderately talented souls are desperate for your attention and approval. Please, America, take your job seriously this time. Pick someone with at least a legitimate shot at sustainable fame; someone whose disc won’t make you shudder in embarrassment when you come across it in your CD tower five years from now. I’m only looking out for your best interests.
“Psych”
Friday 10pm, USA
This plucky detective show returns for Season 2 after a successful run last summer. The show stars the adorable James Roday as Shawn Spencer, the son of a cop (played by Corbin Bernsen, who really hasn’t aged well since “L.A. Law”) who now works as a psychic consultant to his local police department. Thing is, Shawn isn’t psychic—he’s just very perceptive, and a fantastic bullshitter with a bit of a prankster streak in him. He helps solve crimes with the assistance of his straight-laced pal Gus (Dule Hill, acquitting himself nicely post-“West Wing”). If you like the humor-laced crime drama of fellow USA hit “Monk,” give “Psych” a try.
“Ocean’s Deadliest/Steve Irwin Tribute”
Sunday 8pm, Discovery Channel
When Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray last September, I felt about the incident much like I feel when a NASCAR driver dies in a racetrack collision: Sure, it’s sad—but brother kind of had it coming. You spend your life taunting crocodiles and snakes, chances are you’re going to end up a snack for some member of the wild kingdom. Still, Irwin was a crusading environmentalist, and for that he will be missed. Tonight Discovery debuts the special he was working on when he died (no footage from the day of the accident is included), in which Irwin and Philippe Cousteau (Jacques’ grandson) document some of the scary-ass animals living in the waters between Australia’s Gold Coast and the Great Barrier Reef. It’s followed by a 30-minute tribute to the man who launched a million “Crikey!”s.