“America’s Next Top Model”
Wednesday 8pm, CW
We’re a quarter of the way into Cycle 8 and some definitive opinions on the girls have formed. The bad news: Despite some pretty faces, this is the least modelesque season yet—nearly half the girls can’t take a picture for shit. The good news: This could be the bitchiest lot ever, thanks largely to the superbly stank attitude of Renee, a gorgeous young mom whose insecurities manifest in near-constant attacks on her competitors. It’s pretty awesome. Also awesome is Natasha, a mail-order Russian bride with a tenuous grasp of the English language. For real. I ask you, where else would you find her on TV? Only on “ANTM,” folks. This season will also likely crown our first plus-sized winner, as we have two larger girls still in the competition at this point. I don’t get the Diana thing at all, but Whitney’s gorgeous and a sweetie. She just needs to turn up the fashion a bit. And since Tyra’s been getting a li’l junk in the trunk, she’s practically predestined to be the winner since we all know it’s all about Tyra.
“The Tudors”
Sunday 10pm, Showtime
Showtime continues to churn out interesting products, including this new series about the public and private battles of King Henry VIII. Series drama is perfect for this kind of juicy historical fiction (see “Deadwood,” “Rome”), although audiences seem scared off by the period pieces and accents. Push through it, folks, and you’ll likely find some scandalous plotlines, killer sets and great acting. This cast is stacked, with Jonathan Rhys-Meyers (Velvet Goldmine, “Elvis”) as Henry himself; Sam Neill (Jurassic Park) as Cardinal Wolsey; Jeremy Northam (Gosford Park, Emma) as Sir Thomas Moore; and Gabrielle Anwar (Scent of a Woman, The Three Musketeers) as Princess Margaret. With Tony Soprano and his lot scheduled to sleep with the fishes in two months, it’s a good time to get hooked on another dysfunctional royal family.
“’Til Death Do Us Part”
Monday 10pm, Court TV
John Waters is like a god to me, so I’m glad to see him getting regular work. Alas, this odd little show isn’t quite worthy of his considerable talents. Waters plays the Groom Reaper, who narrates stories of married couples that eventually end in either the husband or wife killing his or her spouse. There are some fun elements—it mixes the whodunnit aspect of “CSI” with the macabre overtones of “Tales From the Crypt”—but it’s too campy to be taken seriously, not campy enough to be considered a guilty pleasure. The acting is generally decent, but the writing is often banal. The main man himself, however, is fabulous as always. He’s just used far too sparsely. Camp it up, John! We know you’ve got it in you. We’ve seen Desperate Living. And Cry-Baby. And Hairspray. And…