What in the name of Bill Gates is the Internet? The man himself wrote in 2000 that it’s “the center of attention for businesses, governments and individuals around the world.” Well, that’s a stab at describing its function. But what is it? Is it an actual entity, like a shoe or a file cabinet or Larry King’s seventh wedding license? Well, not quite. Diana Saco, author of the book Public Space and the Internet, says the Internet has a “partial nonphysicality.” Huh?
One thing (well, not a thing, but a concept) is for sure: The Internet provides the setting for an immeasurable amount of communication that doesn’t require face-to-face contact. Letter writing and phone calling are pitiful mutants in comparison.
Enter the criminal element. Imagine a mask that not only covers your face but everything else about you, so that you’re dangerously alive and simply invisible in the same breath. Consider the Dateline NBC TV series “To Catch A Predator,” about men seeking sex with underage girls. Behind the scenes over the Internet, the men’s language is slick, savvy and confident. It’s a different story, however, once they’re caught on camera. Through the windows of their eyes you can see their souls imploding.
That show is a rare case of successful Internet crimefighting, made possible by lunatic biological urges that induce men to take risks. In the case of most websites conducting illegal business, when the FBI or other law enforcement organizations attempt to shut them down, the shadowy perpetrators just switch to another URL, and once again all is right (i.e., wrong) with the world.
But let’s stick to some soft-core examples that don’t make you wonder if God created evil but do illuminate the unprecedented power of the Web to aid cheaters. In the past, acquiring a fake diploma, or a plagiarized term paper, required some level of physical connection and potentially hazardous exposure. Now all you need to do is type in www.phonydiplomas.com or www.termpapergenie.com and you’re on your guilty yet merry way.
On the homepage of phonydiplomas.com there’s a substantial list of options. At the top of the list: “Realistic Diplomas with Real Names.” Now why would you want a fake name on your fake diploma? Could it be the people who run this site can only pretend they graduated from high school? Next on the list: “Very Realistic College Degrees.” Suggestion for a company slogan: “When realistic isn’t good enough…” “Diplomas” on this site, by the way, cost between $160 and $230, depending on the size. Considering college tuitions these days, that’s quite a bargain.
Turns out there’s also a website called phonydiploma.com (look closely, there’s no “s”). This one makes clearer the fact that in addition to diplomas they create GED and regular transcripts. These sell for just under $100—a small price to pay for keeping your head empty of a vast array of crucial knowledge. Both sites throw a spotlight on the fact that “novelty” is an amazing word. Attach it to the word “diploma” and suddenly you’re peddling goods that are “chiefly decorative” or “comic.” Harmless enough (think of George on “Seinfeld” saying to Jerry: “You know I always wanted to pretend to be an architect”), except if the surgeon who’s about to operate on your colon didn’t actually graduate from Las Vegas State Medical School. Another loophole: Real school seals are never used—oh no, that would be a copyright infringement.
And now for the ultimate loophole: The homepage of termpapergenie.com announces: “Click here to get a custom non-plagiarized term paper.” Which means…what? That the person who wrote it didn’t plagiarize it? That’s meaningless, like saying that neither the chicken nor the egg came first.
Wouldn’t you know it? There’s another website called non-plagiarized-termpapers.com. This one charges $9.95 per page if you want them in five days or more. And it’s $24.95 if you want them within 24 hours. Cheating and procrastinating…why commit one sin when you can commit two?
Ah, if only all Internet bad behavior were this amusing.