A few years ago I received a desperate e-mail from a woman in her late 20s. She had never been able to have intercourse and finally turned to the Internet for help. No boyfriend had ever been able to put his penis into her vagina and she was convinced that she "had bones around her vagina."
It turns out she had no concept of her own sexual anatomy—it had been a taboo topic both at home and at school.
I sent her a link to a webpage with anatomical drawings and explained that the "bones" simply were her tense pelvic floor muscles causing a tight grip around her vagina. (This is not unusual for women who have been sexually assaulted as I learned she had been.)
My advice to her: Find a good time of the day when she was relaxed and alone and could create a comfortable setting in her bedroom or someplace else where she felt safe. She should take a handheld mirror and look between her legs and compare herself to what she had seen on the webpage.
This was a woman who had never looked at her own genitals! She’s not so different from many other women. If you have never examined your own orchid, I invite you to get comfortable and to get your mirror out. Get ready for your anatomy lesson—it could change your life, or at least your sex life!
Put a few pillows behind your back while sitting on your bed (or anywhere else you like), spread your legs, and hold the mirror in front of you. Here is what you will see:
There are two parts to your genitals, the outside area, called vulva (not to be confused with a Scandinavian vehicle) and the inside part, called vagina. Most people call everything "vagina," but you won’t have to make that mistake once you learn the correct terms.
You will discover three openings, the anus at the very bottom, the vaginal opening in the middle (this opening may be covered by a hymen if you have never had intercourse), and above that a small hole (urethra) where urine comes out. Two layers of skin-folds surround the vaginal opening. The outer one is called labia majora and the inner one labia minora. These "big and small lips" fill with blood when you get turned on. You will see a small rounded structure (the clitoris) above the urethra, immediately under the point where the smaller skin-folds merge (the hood of the clitoris). The clitoris is the most sensitive area in a woman’s body. Gently stroke it and feel for yourself!
The bony area covered with pubic hair is called mons pubis. It’s part of the pelvis that surrounds and protects the sexual organs.
So, what’s inside your vagina? Imagine your uterus looking like a pear with the round part pointing up and the thin part (the neck, or cervix) forming the dead end of your vagina. This is the opening through which sperm gets inside the uterus during conception. The cervix also has lots of nerve endings, which means it usually feels really good when the penis bumps into it during thrusting.
If you insert your index finger about 2" into your vagina and point it up toward your belly button (from the inside), you may be able to feel a cushion-like area that gets congested with blood when you’re turned on. Not every woman can feel this area called the G spot (don’t worry if you cannot—you’re still completely normal!). It too adds to your pleasure when stimulated during sex.
Finally, you cannot see the pelvic floor muscles but you should know about them. They help keep your uterus and bladder from sinking down into your vagina (really!). You can learn to strengthen these muscles by squeezing the muscles you use to stop the flow of urine. Especially if you have had babies or if you suffer from incontinence, it’s important to do what are known as Kegel exercises. And as a bonus, having toned pelvic floor muscles helps being able to form a nice grip around your partner’s penis during intercourse—which everybody enjoys.
Annette Owens, MD, Ph.D. is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. She sees clients in her Charlottesville office (www.cvillewellness.com) and answers questions online at www.LoveandHealth.info and www.SexualHealth.com. She has co-edited the new four-volume book, Sexual Health (Praeger).