How reading erotica can help you get in the mood for sex was the subject of my last column. Now it’s time to start taking on the idea of watching adult entertainment and porn.
But first things first: Are men and women different when it comes to getting turned on? The answer is “yes and no.” Let me explain:
 That’s adult entertainment: For some women, one glimpse of Omar Sharif’s eyes is worth more than a hundred sexual images. |
One of my favorite slides when giving a presentation shows an on/off switch with the label “Male sexuality” and below it an elaborate control panel (labeled “Women’s sexuality”) that has several fine-tuning devices and meters to watch. My audience usually laughs, but then I explain that it is very true that women often need a lot more preparation and fine-tuning than men in order to get aroused.
Men who get with the program and learn to start the process of initiating sex way before they are in the bedroom are often surprised how well it works. By pushing the right buttons on the control panel, not only do men learn to tune into their partner, but they also often end up having a mate who is ready and eager to have sex with them. Late night, suggestive moves out of the blue, on the other hand, usually lead to nothing but frustration for all concerned.
In other words, if you are a guy who wants sex tonight, be sure to send your partner a sweet (or naughty) e-mail or text message way in advance. Or pay her a heartfelt compliment, reminding her of your attraction to her. And by the way, save the flowers for special occasions, and instead do the dishes after dinner and take out the trash. It’s the day-to-day help around the house that’s the best aphrodisiac for women.
But there also are plenty of ladies who get sexually aroused from visual stimulation, such as watching adult entertainment or porn. While men usually like to look at close up shots of sexual scenes, women often are more interested in watching an erotic film that includes a story line. Not all women fall into this category, of course, but over and over women have told me that the emotional connection between individuals is just as arousing for them as watching the sex act itself. One lady told me that her all-time favorite arousing movie was Dr. Zhivago, which is rated PG-13 and has no sex scenes at all.
On a side note, one of the reasons why Viagra never caught on for women was that, while a man can get aroused from watching his penis get erect, a woman reacts differently. The fact that female research subjects’ genital blood flow and lubrication increased after Viagra did little to their overall experience of having sex. Those women told scientists that the emotional connection to their partner was much more important to them. That’s when the pharmaceutical industry, that was hoping to find another post-Viagra market to cash in on, realized that unless they developed a magic pill that enhances emotional intimacy, they would probably not succeed by targeting women.
Are you wondering what specific types of adult material women like to watch? Do you think that porn is only reserved for men? Come back in a couple of weeks for the answers.
Annette Owens, MD, Ph.D., is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. She sees clients in her Charlottesville office (cvillewellness.com) and answers questions online at LoveandHealth.info and SexualHealth.com. She is an advisor on the Health & Science Advisory Board (HSAB.org) and has co-edited the new four-volume book, Sexual Health (Praeger).