You people are goddamn killing me. For months, when this News Quiz was buried on the front page, hundreds of folks responded. But now that it’s here on The Spiral—nothing.
After another week of zero guesses, I didn’t even bother to post the answers. You made me do that. This is your fault.
O.K., maybe the motivation of a vegan hotdog doesn’t quite hold the appeal that I thought it might. I’m willing to admit some mistakes. It’s just … I don’t mean to yell. I just want our relationship to work so badly that it hurts sometimes. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I can do better. I swear. Give me another chance. Look, I can make it up to you. This week, the first person who ventures even a one guess on one question will get his or her choice of CDs.*
Let’s make this work.
O.K., I feel better. So, um, you hungry? Do you want to go grabs some food or something? Maybe we can get takeout and watch a movie? Wow, I feel so much better. Here’s the News Quiz.
1. When the city’s Director of Neighborhood Development Services, Jim Tolbert, says, "Some of them just don’t get it," to whom is he referring?
a. Bad neighbors.
b. Sign-happy Realtors.
c. Creationists.
d. Doubters of the conspiracy theory that Christopher Marlowe actually wrote the majority of Shakespeare’s works.
2. Why has Charlottesville bus ridership increased since September?
a. UVA folks get free rides.
b. Binge drinking becoming more socially acceptable.
c. Hot drivers.
d. Buses started playing those shitty jam bands the people seem to like so much during rides.
3. When Ross Carew says, "Just because it sounds and feels good doesn’t mean it’s effective," to what is he referring?
a. The movie "Juno."
b. Whistling of spring wind through pines.
c. The Offender Aid and Restoration program.
d. The Dave Matthews Band.
* Your choices are 1) "The Groove Boutique: Volume One (a seamless blend of smooth jazzy groves) and 2) "Solar Igniter" by Modereko (still in its orginial, 2003, shrink wrap!). This is no way implies delivery of said CD to winner. Promotion may end at any time and without notice. Employees of C-VILLE Weekly are not eligible to win, nor are family members of employees, off-and-on acquaintances, jam band members, people over the age of 15 with emo haircuts, anyone who owns a yoga mat, poets, professional whistlers or mountain bikers. CDs not recommended for people with decent musical taste.