“Democratic National Convention Coverage”
Tuesday 10pm, ABC, CBS, NBC
Whether or not presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama taps governor Tim Kaine for his running mate, Tuesday night will be a big one for Virginia. Former Governor Mark Warner will have his national coming out party as he presents the keynote address on the topic “Renewing America’s Promise.” Also taking the podium tonight is Obama’s former competition, Senator Hillary Clinton. I dearly hope Hill works some of the magic I know she’s got in her and convinces people turned off by Obama’s ascendancy that even though he’s not the Dem they wanted, he’s the Dem they need. I’ve heard liberals saying they’d rather vote for McCain or (shudder) Nader. It’s that kind of thinking that led us to the last eight years of shame and stupidity, folks. (For more on the convention, see C-VILLE’s blog, Live from the DNC!)
“Prison Break”
Monday 8pm, Fox
After three seasons and two prison escapes, the brothers Scofield are back and taking the fight to The Company. And they have help from some unexpected sources. This season will see the return of Dr. Sara Tancredi, last seen in Season 3 as a disembodied head in a box. Since I’m fairly sure they don’t intend to leave her in that state, expect one of those totally implausible “Prison Break” logic twists to fix that situation right up. Also joining the cast is the completely unlikable Michael Rapaport as an FBI agent also looking to take on The Company. Here’s hoping that his head ends up in a box somewhere soon.
“Raising the Bar”
Monday 10pm, TNT
Dear Mark-Paul Gosselaar: Do you remember how yummy you used to be on “Saved by the Bell”? Zack Morris was the most crush-worthy of all high school crushes. You had your own lotion, Zackle Berry (far preferable to Slater Melon or Screech Peach). You inspired a gay porn star to name himself after you. I even watched late-season “NYPD Blue” in the hopes of catching a glimpse of your bare butt. And now? Have you looked in the mirror recently? Go do it. Look at your head. What is on it? It looks like someone finished cleaning the Coke factory and slapped the dirty, stringy mop on your noggin. It is a problem! Is this your bid to be taken seriously as an actor? Because I can’t even notice your craft on this new Steven Bochco law show (also starring the awesome Jane Kaczmarek and Gloria Reuben), because I’m too busy staring at that dead animal hanging over your greasy-looking face. I am not a shallow man, but that needs to be taken care of, or I am imaginary breaking up with you. And then what will I do with that lifetime supply of Zackle Berry lotion in my closet?