We interrupt our regular bursts of political hand-wringing to bring you an important message. The results of Charlottesville-Albermarle SPCA‘s election between the DemoCats and RePuplicans are in, with victory going to the DemoCats.
Sammy the DemoCat handily defeated Zachary the RePuplican 57% to 43%. As someone who hopes to see Virginia turn blue November 4, this is heartening news; however, as a dog person, I am also slightly disappointed.
According to CASPCA’s press release, Sammy’s win can be attributed to a platform that included "reducing greenhouse gases by requiring the picking up all of poop"; "legalizing catnip for medicinal purposes"; and "universal vet care."
Among Zachary’s proposals were "digging for bones in ANWR" to offset high bone prices; "requiring parental notification prior to spay/neuter"; "supporting citizens’ right to bear/own many pets" and my personal favorite, "Crap & Trade legislation." The Crap & Trade program would gradually reduce greenhouse gas emissions by "alloting 3 poops a day with the ability to sell/buy poop rights."
Frankie the Green Party ferret was unavailable for comment.