“Rosie Live”
Wednesday 8pm, NBC
Rosie O’Donnell has been itching to bring back the primetime variety show for about as long as I can remember. (Then again, she also used to openly lust after Tom Cruise and talk about taking over “The Price is Right,” so take that as you will.) Now she gets her chance with this special/pseudo-pilot very much in the vein of “The Ed Sullivan Show” mixed with a bit of “Laugh-In” and “The Carol Burnett Show.” Expect musical guests (Alanis Morissette, Ne-Yo), comedians (Kathy Griffin, O’Donnell herself), and…other guests who defy categorization (Elmo, Liza freaking Minnelli). O’Donnell isn’t as bankable as she was during the height of her mega-popular daytime talk show in the ’90s, but love the woman or hate her, you have to admit that she demands your attention. Oh, and it’s live, which could make for some gloriously uncomfortable moments. (Remember ChingChongGate on “The View”?)
“Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade”
Thursday 9am-noon, NBC
It’s just not Thanksgiving without the terrifying visage of Al Roker scaring the sleep from your eyes. This year’s “musical” line-up (as if they actually sing…) includes tween favorites Miley Cyrus and David Archuleta (Disney property the Cheetah Girls got pulled last week due to one of them having a nudey pic scandal—young ladies of America, please keep your clothes on in photos!), Broadway diva Kristen Chenoweth, country star Trace Adkins, and suitably redundant pop stars Darius Rucker and James Taylor. Stay on after the parade to watch J. Peterman from “Seinfeld” host the National Dog Show.
“Britney: For the Record”
Sunday 10pm, MTV
It’s Britney, bitch. Remember 2007, when Britney was going totally apeshit, shaving her head, attacking her car with umbrellas, flashing her ladybits all over the place, and just generally seeming totally cracked out at least 90 percent of the time? Seriously, that was sad. It looks like Britney got her stuff together; she looks great, is able to talk without sounding like a redneck hopped up on Oxycontin, and hasn’t gotten pregnant in at least a year. Now, on the eve of her newest CD release, she’s sitting down to talk about her nuclear meltdown, and about how destructive the celebrity life can be. I know—cry me a river, Brit. (Oops, that’s your ex.)