Why is it that so many women are unhappy with their bodies? How many girlfriends do you have who are on a diet right now? A few weeks ago, I read an article in the Wall Street Journal about cankles, fat or swollen ankles that merge with the calf without a clear demarcation between the two.
These are the latest body parts that have become the focus of attack in specially designed gym classes, diets, and by plastic surgeons. Some even use Preparation H (a hemorrhoid cream that is designed to shrink hemorrhoidal tissue) for instant overnight shrinking of their swollen ankles, to make them appear slimmer. How far have we come?
And what about vaginal rejuvenation surgeries? They were up by 30 percent, from 793 in 2005 to 1,030 in 2006 (statistics are not available for later years). Just to be clear, these vaginal surgeries are not medically indicated, but performed only for one reason: to make your genitals look more aesthetically pleasing.
Who determines what’s beautiful, anyway? The photo editors at men’s magazines who Photoshop all images of women’s genitals before publishing? Let me tell you, real vulvas (the part of a woman’s genitals that is visible on the outside, while the vagina is inside the body) come in all sizes and shapes, just like the peppers in your garden often don’t look as ‘perfect’ as the ones you can buy at the grocery store.
Real vulvas are often asymmetrical, the inner lips can be longer than the outer ones (or vice versa), the clitoris can be hidden or it may be protruding. There are simply no limits to the variety that exists. For a fascinating display of the wide range, go to this webpage: http://www.scarleteen.com/resource/advice/betty_dodsons_vulva_illustrations.
Of course, vaginal rejuvenation surgeries are an extreme example of what a few people go through in order to adapt their various body parts to some arbitrary definitions of beauty. Nevertheless, a lot of men and women are unhappy with some aspect of their body. And a lot of times, these insecurities about body image play out in the bedroom.
How can you relax and be comfortable being undressed with a partner if you worry too much about the imperfections of your body? Keeping the lights off, staying under cover, or partially dressed might help, but how much fun is that? Perhaps it’s time to consider whether you really want to hang onto your negative body image.
The book Becoming Orgasmic by Heiman and LoPiccolo has a great section on body image and these authors ask you (among a lot of other things) to consider these questions:
How do you stress the things about your body that you’re proud of? How do you try to hide the things about your body you dislike?
What are the things you don’t like about your body? Are these things you genuinely don’t like or have you accepted the judgment or opinion of another person? If so, who are the people whose opinion of your body concerns you? Do they tend to be men or women?
Where did you get your ideas of what is attractive—your mother, men, yourself, television, magazines?
Have you ever been satisfied with how your body looks? How does or did that influence how you feel about your sexuality?
A woman who is comfortable in her own body is a sexy woman, no matter what size she is. Don’t get hung up on an extra inch here or there. At least, don’t let that stop you from enjoying sex.
One exception, though: If you are overweight to the point that your health is affected (diabetes, heart disease, elevated cholesterol, etc.), of course changing your eating habits and dieting is the right thing to do.
And a final word to mothers of daughters: Think hard about what messages about body image you want to send to your daughter. Does she constantly see you on a diet and complaining about your appearance? Or does she see you feeling good about yourself and the way you look? How you perceive your own body and how you express this will have a huge impact on how she is going to view her own body, now and in the future.
Charlottesville’s Annette Owens, MD, Ph.D., is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. She has co-edited the four-volume book, Sexual Health (Praeger).