The creative dad
Stay-at-home dad Irvin Santiago lets his kids be kids
“Family comes first.” That’s Irvin Santiago’s philosophy, which is one reason he decided to become a stay-at-home dad more than four years ago when his wife, Laura, was pregnant with their first child. The former owner of a coffee shop on the Downtown Mall, Irvin was ready for a change and thought staying home to raise his children was the right thing to do. He now admits he was a bit disillusioned in the early days.
“I thought, ‘I’m gonna be playing golf every day!’” he said. “I honestly didn’t know what I was getting into.” He soon figured it out, when now 4-and-a-half-year-old Virginia was followed by 3-year-old Tate and then James, who’s 2 months old. Despite his learning curve, Irvin adapted and thrived in his new career. His kids are flourishing, according to friends, largely due to his nature.
“He and his wife have three of the coolest, calmest, most awesome kids you have ever met,” said family friend Matt Darring, who credits Irvin’s calm demeanor for the kids’ laidback personalities. “Sometimes you visit a family of five and it is utter chaos. The Santiago home is busy but it is such a multidimensional and cool family.”
Laura said Irvin succeeded as a stay-at-home parent in ways she wouldn’t have. “He doesn’t micromanage the way I would. He lets them do their thing and doesn’t intervene.” Laura said giving up control was the hardest part for her when she’d leave for work as a psychiatrist at Staunton’s Western State Hospital. But she also said she’s been thrilled with how Irvin has handled their children.
Laura recalls coming home from work and finding that Irvin and the kids had created an “art gallery” with Virginia’s drawings. “Each window was a different theme,“ she said. They’d grouped her artwork into series, like a real art gallery: one featuring shapes, one with apples, and one with animals. “They even had sparkling apple cider in a wine glass waiting for me,” Laura laughed.
She said Irvin has encouraged the children’s creativity. “If I were home with them, I’d be worried about keeping the house tidy, keeping the kids clean, and their hair brushed,” she said. Instead, she might come home to find the house a zoo—but in a good way. “One day, they took all the stuffed animals and had them purposely arranged all around the house.”
Irvin has enjoyed his time at home, but has recently begun to transition back into working outside the house. He’s working at Feast!, a specialty shop featuring local foods on West Main Street in Charlottesville. While he’s not exclusively at home with his kids anymore, he thinks his time as a stay-at-home dad made a lasting impression on his children.
“I always envision later, when Virginia and Tate go to friends’ houses and see their moms cooking dinner…I wonder if they’ll ask, ‘Why’s your mom cooking?’” he said. “I think they’ll have a different view of the world because I put my career on hold for awhile.”—Lynn Thorne