Dan Catalano’s Odd Dominion is an unabashedly liberal, bi-monthly op-ed column covering Virginia politics.
As we survey the Commonwealth’s current political landscape, we see so much worthy of our attention: Governor Terry McAuliffe’s recent (mostly ineffectual) efforts to expand health care coverage to Virginia’s uninsured, the burgeoning scandal surrounding Scott County Delegate Terry Kilgore’s propensity to steer state monies toward members of his own family, the ongoing saga of the Virginia Beach man who is being sued for posting a YouTube video purportedly showing a FedEx driver urinating in his driveway.
But we’re ignoring all of that this week to instead bid a fond farewell to our favorite helmet-haired former Governor Bob McDonnell and his apparently not-so-devoted wife (and fellow convicted felon) Maureen. And, as is our wont, we are celebrating their departure from the national stage (and quite likely into federal prison) with our very favorite journalistic form: the multiple-choice quiz. Play along, won’t you?
1. As a graduate student at Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network University, McDonnell wrote a thesis titled “The Republican Party’s Vision for the Family.” Which of the following suggestions was not included in this work?
A) Government policy should favor married couples over “cohabitators, homosexuals or fornicators.”
B) Public schools should have character education programs to teach “traditional Judeo-Christian values.”
C) Federal child care tax credits should be curtailed, as they encourage women to enter the workforce.
D) State government anti-corruption laws should be tightened so that “even the appearance of impropriety” is eliminated.
2. What did Maureen McDonnell request from tobacco-and-dietary-supplement-peddler Jonnie Williams within hours of first meeting him?
A) A Rolex watch for her husband.
B) A catered dinner for her daughter’s wedding.
C) A designer inauguration gown for herself.
D) A free vacation on one of Williams’ luxury properties.
3. What process did Jonnie Williams first use to synthesize the active ingredient in his “anti-inflammatory supplement” Anatabloc?
A) Funded a comprehensive medical study at the University of Virginia’s School of Medicine.
B) Hired over a dozen MIT grad students to work in his own private chemical laboratory.
C) Acquired a rare natural compound that only grows deep in the Amazon forest.
D) Experimented with curing tobacco in microwave ovens he bought from Walmart.
4. Which of the following phrases was used to describe Maureen McDonnell during the trial?
A) “A nutbag.”
B) “She could be very manipulative. She could be very unpredictable. She could be very deceptive.”
C) “A 5-year-old.”
D) All of the above.
5. Of the 13 corruption charges against them, Bob was found guilty on 11 counts and Maureen nine. How many of the original 13 federal charges were illegal under Virginia law?
A) 0
B) 2
C) 8
D) 13
Answers: 1-D, 2-C, 3-D, 4-D, 5-A