There are certain moments in life when a girl has to search her heart and define the essence of what she wants to say, Sweet reasoned. She has to straighten out her message like so many Betty Grable stocking seams. La Cake speaks, of course, of Valentine’s Day.
When Sweetie says she loves her friends, exactly what sentiment is she expressing? These times, by which Her Confectionariness means February 14, call for precision of affection. To aid her efforts, Sweet consulted those wise forces that have guided her in the language of love since grammar school: the makers of the fold-n-seal Valentines.
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Well does Sweet recall the halcyon days of youth, that is, third grade, when the foil-wrapped shoe box that served as a stickered, glittered mailbox on her desk’s edge, was jammed with epistles of love from Raymond Larouche. But though darling, and certainly attention- getting, it was a confusing load of correspondence. “Be mine,” Raymond’s Super-
man card said, promising something exclusive and close—or so Cookiekins thought. But the next card, a little number with Cinderella and Disney mice, if Sweet has it right, was so much more…general. “You fit right in,” it enthused. Was Raymond sending young Cakelet mixed signals? Or had he, like so many of his gender, just dumped in a tray of cards indiscriminately, figuring that one of them was bound to sum up his true affections? Were they puppies in love, or just friends in adjoining pens, Sweet was left to wonder.
Fast forward a few years, and Sweet has returned to the perforated love notes with their tiny envelopes. Raymond may have mucked up the intrinsic beauty of the cards’ succinct declarations by throwing them into a sweetheart stew, but any discerning card browser knows that each stands wonderfully alone.
Looking for the right words to express your devotion? “You are truly a treasure,” is the legend emblazoned across a frightfully airbrushed portrait of Keira Knightley from the Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest box. That seems like a suitable message for someone you want to hold close, but not cuddle with. “Hope your Valentine’s Day is enchanted,” from the Harry Potter set, is warm but proffers no personal feelings whatsoever. This one is good for an office friend, Sugaree concludes.
“Best Friends” from the Hello Kitty pack is adorable. It cannot be confused with an outpouring of l’amour, unless you combine it with the flirtatious “You’re Sweet!” also from Kitty or Scooby-Doo’s deliberately ambiguous “Hope you find your way to a Happy Valentine’s Day.” (And exactly how would a lady do that, one might ask Shaggy or Thelma. A nice Valpolicella and flowers given to That Special Gent?)
No, it’s crucial that in All Things Lovey, a bright young lady who is in command of her prospects use the right words at the right time. Harry Potter’s “Have a magical Valentine’s Day!” perfectly suits that charming fellow who pours Sweets’ coffee. It’s just another variation on “Have a nice day,” a salutation that, like sugar and cream, mixes well with leaving a quarter in the tip jar. But when it comes to targeting the object of her considerable and gentle affections, something so generic won’t do. For that job—to ensure that her call for togetherness and special cooperation remains unambiguous—Sweet returns to Johnny Depp and his crew in Pirates. Want to get the job done? Here’s your Valentine’s Day message: “You are a Great First Mate!”