I know I’m not the only person who runs errands on Saturday mornings. I know I’m also not the only person who, while running said errands, enjoys a spirited contest against, well, myself and the various contestants of “Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me…”. I’m a competitive person: HATE TO LOSE or be less than I can be. I’m also a news junkie, so you can just imagine the dialogue I have with myself and the radio. This also means, however, that I have been on a mission to find the keys to “Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me…” and I am proud to announce in this column that I have done so: Fark, baby. Fark dot com.
A conglomeration of headlines from all over, submitted by people from all over, even more so than Drudge or CNN.com, Fark has the most random, useless and obscure collection of headlines and news stories on the Internet. And that is a good thing. The beauty of news like this is that you don’t “need” to know any of it like you need to know that “Outside Pressures Broke Korean Deadlock” (take your best guess as to where that head came from…), but you want to know this stuff. No one needs to know about the man who is facing a $25,000 fine for the heinous crime of shooting himself in the foot or about the San Antonio women who found out the hard way why you shouldn’t barbecue indoors, but your life is richer for knowing these things, trust me. Plus, you’ll kick Peter Sagal’s ass.
It’s strange, trying to describe the feeling that compels me to neurotically peruse headlines and news stories. In the end, I think I want to know about the Korean deadlock, Jennifer Aniston’s nose job, and about the U.K. hospital trying to save on the electricity bill by removing all the light bulbs for the same reason: Each headline gives me insight into these times and place. Headlines are, in many ways, my religion. They are what help me try to understand the wonder, chance and hilarity of the world. Or maybe that’s just my justification for not doing my real job.