Ask any one of my close friends or family members to name my biggest neurosis, and they will undoubtedly come up with one of two answers: airplanes or diseases. I can’t get on an airplane without major sedation, and about once a month I am convinced I’m dying of a tragic illness. For example, once I had a bump on the back of my head. Convinced I had a brain tumor, I made an appointment with a specialist at the UVA Hospital who took one look at my bump and pronounced it a spider bite. Another time—Christmas of 2001, to be exact—I felt a tingling sensation at the back of my neck. This time I was convinced I was slipping into paralysis and insisted that my poor father take me to the emergency room. Turns out I was just having a run-of-the-mill panic attack. Such drama is my life’s blood, I guess. Should I be telling you all this? I doubt it, but keeping my mouth shut has never been my forte.
Anyway, since I don’t feel like ushering you through my thoughts when it comes to the FAA website, let’s talk diseases, shall we? Specifically, let’s talk about the website for the National Organization for Rare Disorders. Endless material here for a hypochondriac (or even your garden variety health freak). If you didn’t think you had a disease before perusing the site’s “Index of Rare Diseases,” chances are you’ll find plentiful reasons to label yourself a victim or an invalid if you spend enough time researching the various symptoms that spell tragedy.
Ever heard of Sarcoidosis? Well, it ain’t good: Symptoms include fatigue, fever, muscle aches, difficulty breathing (dyspnea), joint pain, swollen glands, skin eruptions, eye irregularities and/or other symptoms. I am definitely tired a lot, I get hot sometimes, I have been know to be achey and I have a lazy eye. This is clearly one more thing for me to worry about. And don’t even get me started on the possibilities of having Kawasaki Disease or Paget’s Disease. As the Magic 8 Ball might say, “Signs point to yes.”