1.) It’s true, the UVA Library boasts 5.1 million books, along with 17.3 million manuscripts (civil rights icon Julian Bond’s among them) and 152,487 maps. If you were to read two books a day—and never take a day off to be hung over or arrested—it would take you roughly 6,986 years to read all of UVA’s collection. And boy, would you be a teeth-shattering bore at dinner parties. Not to mention old.
2.) Roger Mason Jr. left UVA to jump to the NBA—and his family hasn’t shut up about it since. According to ABC, which covers the NBA playoffs, the rest of the Mason clan is highly educated with multiple degrees. And they don’t miss the opportunity to let the 6’5” Washington Wizards swingman know that he lags behind. Mason left UVA after his junior year and was drafted by the Chicago Bulls in the second round.
3.) Three. Billion. That’s right. Billion with a “B.” While some of the crustier Ivy League universities have been in the fundraising business for close to a hundred years, Bob Sweeney, UVA’s senior vice president for development and public affairs, says that Virginia only started looking at fundraising seriously in 1990. That was President John Casteen’s first year, which should come as a surprise to no one. In 2007, UVA took in $427 million, putting it slightly ahead of schedule in its quest to bank the $3 billion.
4.) Let’s just say UVA basketball coach Dave Leitao wasn’t in danger of breaking any NCAA records. The 6’7" Northeastern University forward averaged an even 6.0 points per game in his college career. But while Leitao was busy not scoring, he was also able to learn a thing or 62 about the game from then-NU coach Jim Calhoun. Leitao later served on Calhoun’s staff at NU and the University of Connecticut, where the team won the NCAA tournament in 1999. Eight years later, he won ACC Coach of the Year honors at UVA, where he is presumably now busy praying for a big man.
Edgar Allen Poe
5.) Nobody knows if this Wickliffe character could write poetry, but he sure as shit couldn’t fight. Wrote Poe to his not-really-adoptive father, John Allen: “We have had a great many fights up here lately — The faculty expelled Wickliffe last night for general bad conduct—but more especially for biting one of the student’s arms with whom he was fighting—I saw the whole affair—it took place before my door—Wickliffe was much the strongest but not content with that—after getting the other completely in his power, he began to bite—I saw the arm afterwards — and it was really a serious matter — It was bitten from the shoulder to the elbow — and it is likely that pieces of flesh as large as my hand will be obliged to be cut out — He is from Kentucky — the same one that was in suspension when you were up here some time ago.”
6.) UVA owns 3,392 acres of land in Charlottesville and elsewhere. The City of Charlottesville encompasses 10.4 square miles. So, yeah, when there’s an 800-pound gorilla in the room, you can bet it’s wearing an orange and blue tie, a blazer and swilling cheep beer. UVA owns 535 buildings on those acres, worth more than $2.4 billion.
7.) When UVA student Andrew Alston stabbed Free Union resident and volunteer firefighter Walker Sisk 20 times, he argued that he had used some moves from his eight-week aikido class to redirect the knife—still in Sisk’s hand—back toward Sisk. Uh-huh. The jury wasn’t having it, and sentenced Alston to three years for killing Sisk. It didn’t help that Alston’s blood-alcohol level at the time of the incident was more than two times the legal limit. In March 2008, Alston was ordered to pay the Sisks $3,600, a small part of the $600,000 the court originally ordered before Alston filed Chapter 13 bankruptcy.
William Faulkner 8.) The great Southern novelist and bourbon consumer fell off a horse while riding at Farmington. By the time Faulkner came to Charlottesville to serve as a UVA writer-in-residence, his alcoholism had begun to hold him prisoner. But the place made an impact on the writer of very, very long sentences. At the time of his death, he chose UVA as the place for his papers and manuscripts. The UVA Library has the largest collection of Faulkner’s manuscripts. That includes typescript material from 19 published novels.
9.) Good news to you undergrads thinking of chasing that American Studies master’s degree: Cheddar cheese is still open as a cultural construct with which to consider the shifting paradigm of American marketing in a post-ironic, post-postmodern society. Or some bullshit like that. But BBQ fans, you’re outta luck. Laura Dove tackled that way back in 1995. Sam Shepard is out, as is the Dude Ranch and White Trash. May we, however, suggest studying Henry Rollins through the lens of William Little’s “The Waste Fix: Seizures of the Sacred From Upton Sinclair to the Sopranos.” We think it would be a fascinating discussion of the American male condition in a post- feminist world. Or some bullshit like that.
10.) A wry October 1937 article from College Topics says it all: “At the Lewis boarding house last Thursday night some of the first-year men got terribly thirsty. So they all went down to the Corner in their pajamas. This was around two a.m. Evidently they had been thirsty earlier in the night, but this is beside the point. When the over-jolly crowd got back to the Lewis’ a couple of them forsook their pajamas and rushed pell-mell, Adam and Eve fashion up to their rooms. And to think that a nudist colony is in the making at Virginia. That’s Jeffersonian Democracy for you.”
11.) With 10,114 enrolled undergraduates, the College of Arts & Sciences easily boasts the largest enrollment at UVA. And that makes sense. Don’t really know what you want to do for the rest of your life? Want to take a bunch of classes where arguing over “What is a right answer anyway?” is considered a right answer? Then get thee to an Artery. Or something like that. As for the science people, well, make friends with ’em. You might need to borrow a couple bucks after graduation.
12.) This was 1935, and UVA, being a beacon of enlightenment, sure as hell didn’t admit the unnamed student. Instead, the state funded her tuition to a school that did accept black students, somewhere nice and far and out of the state. Fifteen years later, the first black applicant entered the Law School—by way of a federal court ruling. It took another 11 years until, in 1961, the first black student enrolled in the University. Now UVA boasts one of the highest graduation rates for black students.
13.) Did you know Edgar Allen Poe went to the University of Virginia? By now you do, but we really can’t resist all the gothic-tinged trivia one can dig up on the old drunk. Like this little nugget: Short on firewood one night, Poe burned his furniture to keep warm. But this isn’t a tale of a drunken man. It was one of poverty. When Poe enrolled, he couldn’t afford the $75 tuition fee for the three-class load. Instead, he took two classes and tried his hand at gambling to increase his income. And you know that old adage: Great Poet, Shitty Bluffer. Eventually he ran out of funds, then firewood…then furniture.
14.) When Washington Post writer Jim Morrison set the scene about the Jefferson Literary and Debating Society, he was careful to throw in the detail about the portraits of Lee and Stuart way up in his story. Stuart’s portrait has since been removed, but Lee’s hangs alongside those of the aforementioned Poe and the as-of-yet-unmentioned Woodrow Wilson. The story covered a scandal that revolved around accusations that society members forced recruits to have sex. The Society was founded in 1825 by 16 disgruntled members of the now-defunct Patrick Henry Society. Its official drink is the whiskey sour. We’ll leave it up to you here to make some tasteless joke that links forcing recruits to have sex with whiskey sours.
15.) You have to wonder which came first, the tradition or its name. The so-called “Fourth-year fifth” is such a great name for a blackout-inducing tradition that it makes you want to kill an entire fifth of liquor on the day of the last home football game. As per the name, the tradition is reserved for seniors, though we’re sure you can still participate even if you’re not set to graduate in a semester. Or if it’s not the last home game. Or if it’s Tuesday. (c.f. Faulkner and Poe)
16.) No, Chris Long is not the largest donation to UVA. In fact, for an NFL defensive end, he might be a little undersized. The largest donor in UVA history came as a part of the ongoing Capital Campaign. In April 2007, Frank Batten donated $100 million to fund the establishment of a school of leadership and public policy. So where does one person get that much cheese to toss around, naming schools after himself and such? Batten got his undergrad degree at UVA, then an MBA at Harvard, then became chairman and CEO of Landmark Communications in 1967. Then, just to show off a little, he was the chairman of The Associated Press and served as the first rector of Old Dominion University.
17.) To streak the Lawn correctly, you must do all of the above: Drop your clothes at the top of the Rotunda stairs, kiss Homer’s ass, then do the whole thing with the keyhole and greeting the ghost of Jefferson. When TJ founded the University, did he know that this many naked co-eds would be greeting him with vodka on their breaths? And if so, how did he feel about that?
Statue of Homer18.) When a member of the Seven Society dies, the chapel bell tolls every seven seconds for seven minutes. A wreath of black magnolias in the shape of the numeral 7 appears at the funeral. And finally, the member’s name is revealed. Pretty damn spooky, no? The Seven Society was founded around 1905 and is a significant donor to UVA. It’s easy to spot its gifts: They’re usually in quantities that include the number seven: $777 or $7,000. Want to get in touch with them? Legend has it that the only way to do so is to stick a letter at the base of the Jefferson statue inside the Rotunda.
19.) UVA students are walking around Grounds, beaming from ear to ear. That’s because each one is worth $200,019. That’s what UVA’s endowment shakes down to per student. And that puts UVA at No. 2 in public university per capita endowments, behind the Virginia Military Institute. Just to give you a little public-versus-private context, Yale’s endowment —No. 2 among private schools—amounts to $1.9 million per student.
20.) If you’re an out-of-state undergraduate, UVA is going to cost you about $29,600 a year before it’s all over. Compare that with the scant $9,300 (a 9.4-percent increase) it costs Virginia residents to attend UVA for a year. And by “scant,” we mean “more than our lives are worth.” Collectively. The education may be first rate—and according to most rankings, it is—but the price tag is enough to scare the solid-gold buttons off a WASP’s blazer. Or not. We hear it takes over $75K to do that.
21.) The first Board of Visitors meeting took place in 1819. We dare you to say something funny about this. We fucking dare you.
22.) No, the JPJ is not named after somebody cool. It is named after somebody rich. Wait…we take that back. John Tudor Jones—the 1976 UVA grad who gave $35 million for the arena to name it after his dad, John Paul Jones—was rich. But how do we know his dad isn’t cool? We don’t. Jones senior, a 1948 graduate of the law school himself, loves basketball. And basketball players are much cooler than bassists and sailors (see: Adrian Joseph versus Paul McCartney versus the extras from Top Gun). So yes, the JPJ was named after somebody cool, by somebody with enough money to buy cool.
23.) In November of 1840, Joseph G. Semmes of Washington, Georgia and a classmate were on the Lawn, firing pistols, as you do when you’re a UVA student and a bit of an asshole. Both were wearing masks. Professor Davis tried to unmask Semmes, as he was “committing a high infringement of the law of good order of the Institution.” Semmes wasn’t having it, and in an unmitigated act of straight-up busterness (as we used to say back on the West Coast, circa 1993), Semmes jerked away, ran a couple of yards, then turned around and shot Davis. After popping the professor, Semmes fled on foot, an unmistakable act of that Southern honor we hear so much about.
24.) UVA President John Casteen won the Mishima Award for a collection of short stories. Before he was the University’s star fundraiser, Casteen earned his B.A., M.A. and Ph.D. in English from UVA. While enrolled, he wrote a column for The Cavalier Daily. Before becoming UVA’s president, he served as Virginia’s secretary of education in 1982. All of this has absolutely nothing to do with his short stories, because we can’t find them anywhere. But something tells us his thesis is just sitting somewhere in town, waiting to be pored over.
John Casteen25.) After being convicted of killing his girlfriend’s parents, UVA student Jens Soering wrote the book Way of the Prisoner, a treatise on Centering Prayer. Soering is also the author of Convict Christ: What the Gospel Says About Criminal Justice and An Expensive Way to Make Bad People Worse. Soering maintains his innocence in the murder of the Haysoms.
Jens Soering26.) That would be Peyton Manning. Santi was selected by the Indianapolis Colts in the sixth round of the 2008 NFL draft. While Pro Bowler Dallas Clark is No. 1 on the depth chart, Santi’s prospects of landing a role with the Colts look good. Second-string tight end Ben Utecht left the Colts in the off season for Cincinnati. Now all Santi has to do is learn what the hell Manning is doing in the 20 seconds between huddle and snap.
27.) Amuse-Bouche. It’s a year old. Don’t ask us why it’s named that. Probably some dumb reason. It, like every person and entity in this brave new world, has a Facebook page. And now that we look at it, the members seem pretty cool. Maybe you should check them out and recommend crazy improv scenarios. A hermaphroditic aardvark trying to pay three years of back taxes while high on meth during the blind IRS agent’s first day is our favorite.
Amuse-Bouche28.) Howie Long is Chris Long’s dad? It’s like the sports writers of the nation didn’t even pick up on that angle.
Howie Long
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29.) If you’ve just graduated from UVA and four years were all you could take of those collar-popping, furry-booted people, well then, you’ll want to pack your bags and head to Montana. Just 21 UVA alumni live in the border state. But if you think about it, that’s really all you need for a Montana town. Maybe there really is a Hooville. In Montana, Population 21. Let’s see you write a cute and uplifting children’s book about that.
Amy Wentworth
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30.) Despite bringing big-name pols like Hillary Clinton to class, it ain’t Larry Sabato. And it isn’t the (oxymoronic) famous poet Charles Wright. Grad student Amy Wentworth, who teaches Spanish, is ranked the highest on RateMyProfessor.com with seven five-star ratings. Ah yes, it’s always the nontenured who capture the heart of their students.
Extra Credit: How well do you know Larry Sabato?
1. If you want to know just what kind of mess we’re preparing to get ourselves into, then there is no better place than Larry J. Sabato’s Crystal Ball. Sabato breaks down the race for the White House, Virginia’s governor’s seat, not to mention U.S. Senate and House races. And damn if the man’s not accurate. The Crystal Ball picked 525 of 530 2004 contests, missing just one Senate race, one House race, a governor’s race and two Electoral College states.
2. Sabato is nothing if not an optimist. Thus his tag line: “Politics is a good thing.” For whom, well, he doesn’t say.
3. Trick question. This is perhaps the most perplexing comparison in the history of baseball and political analysts. Is Sabato somehow cheating? Is he only a long-ball hitter? Breaking out in acne after age 50? Consider this the political koan of our day.
