“Dance Moms”
Tuesday 9pm, Lifetime
The surprise hit from last summer returns for Season 2, and it will be interesting to see what has changed now that some of these women have seen their deplorable actions broadcast via reality TV editors. “Dance Moms” follows Abby Lee Miller, a purportedly world-renowned dance instructor and coach to mostly preteen girls. Miller is imperious, obnoxious, and has no qualms about verbally tearing down her students. So basically, she’s amazing television. Also featured are her students—adorable moppets, some of them very talented —and their mothers, who display some of the pettiest behavior I’ve ever seen committed to film. Seriously, everyone involved in this series owes an apology to women everywhere for their terrible portrayals of that sex. But just try to look away…
“Are You There, Chelsea?”
Wednesday 8:30pm, NBC
I have mixed feelings about Chelsea Handler. On the one hand, I applaud her scrappiness—she worked her ass off to become a fairly well known comedian and TV host in what is still largely a boy’s club. I’ve just never found her to be as funny as she thinks she is, though I have friends who swear her books are riotous. Especially Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, from which NBC Frankenstein-ed the nonsensical title of her new semi-autobiographical sitcom. Wisely realizing that Handler would be unconvincing as a 20something (honestly, I can’t believe she’s only 36…), her younger self is played by former “That 70s Show” star Laura Prepon, while Chandler will make guest appearances as Chelsea’s older, born-again Christian sister.
“Alcatraz”
Monday 8pm, Fox
One of the most well-received pilots of the 2011-2012 season is this new drama-mystery from J.J. Abrams (“Lost,” “Alias”). A San Francisco police detective (Sarah Jones, “Sons of Anarchy”) investigates a brutal murder and lifts a fingerprint that points her to a former inmate at the infamous island prison Alcatraz—an inmate who supposedly died decades earlier. The trail leads her to an amateur Alcatraz expert/comic-book geek (Jorge Garcia, Hurley from “Lost”) and together they discover that not only is her suspect alive, but he hasn’t aged a day since his prison stint—and he’s not the only supposedly dead Alcatraz inmate who has mysteriously reappeared in the present day. Expect lots of mind-bending twists and metaphysical woo-woo, plus familiar faces like Sam Neill (Jurassic Park), Robert Forster (Jackie Brown) and Parminder Nagra (“E.R.”).