Author: Christy Baker

Challenge: Integrating a toddler into the garden

By Elexis Comer’s estimation, her family’s garden plot is over 3,000 square feet. She has pictures of her husband, Jamie, preparing the bed in early spring on the neighbor’s tractor with their son Tucker (2) at the wheel (“Look, ma! No hands!”). Their Gordonsville home is surrounded by three acres of woods and wonder.

“It’s easy with kids that age to get them outside and just doing stuff,” said Elexis. “Even if it’s just digging in the dirt or picking up rocks and stacking them up.”

Most of the activity this spring and summer has centered on the garden plot. “This is actually the first year we’ve made a real, real big garden,” Elexis explained. “Before we had it in just the [raised beds].”

The plot is surrounded by fencing to keep their 10 free-range chickens away from the tender plants and seeds.

“[Last year] they literally ate all of the corn. They were like, ‘Oh! Corn! Awesome!’”

This year, Tucker helped his parents plant the corn. Elexis recounted the experience: “He is like digging up corn and putting corn everywhere. So, there are no, like, rows to the corn. It’s more like a corn patch…[Tucker] wants to help do everything. I would put seeds in his hand and he’d drop them down from there. I’d cover them up and he’d go, ‘Good job, Mom!’ Every time. My husband was like, ‘You must be doing a really good job over there.’”

And Mom isn’t the only one getting Tucker’s bright-eyed positive reinforcement. “We have a couple chickens that when they lay eggs they like to let you know about it. So he is like, ‘Mama, what’s that?’ and I said, ‘That’s the chicken and she’s telling us that she laid an egg.’ He goes, ‘GOOD JOB, CHICKEN!’”

Both Elexis and Jamie grew up in rural settings, and along with that upbringing came an appreciation for the outdoors, the land and the role we, as individuals, play in preserving it. This awareness of consumption and respect for the natural world is something that the Comers seek to instill in their son. “I want my son to have a future,” Elexis said. “Things like recycling, composting, […]less waste, buying recycled, reusing stuff, is really important. I tell people all the time, ‘Uh, excuse me, can you recycle that, because I’d like for my son not to stand in a landfill.’”

Taking an active part out of doors and inside the home creates many opportunities for learning, adventure and discovery for young Tucker.

“I guess in this economy and life that we live in now,” Elexis observed, “it’s not as easy as, you know, ‘Oh, we’re gonna go here and spend all this money to do something.’ You can just go outside and walk around and teach your children so much just in your own yard. Even if you don’t have a huge yard like I do, if you have a very small yard: Finding bugs and rocks and dirt and chickens and dogs and trees. There’s always teaching moments to have with your children, no matter how old they are.”—Christy Baker

Karina Hange (15) just got her learner’s permit and her younger brothers (Kristopher, 12 and Lukas, 8) are preparing for the worst. Judging by Kristopher’s face as he recounted the time his sister forgot that the family minivan was still in reverse, he’s more than a little nervous. “She screamed so loud,” he exclaimed from the living room couch, gesturing with his hands.

“I did not,” defended Karina. And so, begins a familiar sibling exchange.

Born abroad in Cyprus, Karina relocated to the Angus Road area of Charlottesville when she was 3 years old, along with her parents, Roy and Maren. Since that time she has laid claim to a sunny second floor bedroom that has grown with her through the years. Various collections dot the large bookshelves in her room—from athletic trophies to bead-filled glass soda bottles. Posters of German soccer players are displayed on brightly colored walls.
“I recently painted that wall orange,” she said, pointing. Each wall in Karina’s room is a different color. As her tastes change, she can easily update her décor one (manageable) wall at a time.

A loft bed dominates the space. “My friend moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico, and she gave it to me,” she explained. Beneath the loft is a cozy workspace that houses her desk and extra storage. “I like how my desk is underneath my bed. I like that feeling. It’s nice. It [eliminates] some of the distraction because it’s more enclosed.”

It can be a challenge to establish quiet time elsewhere in the house when the noise and stuff (Legos, Playmobil, etc.) seem almost constant.

“[My brothers] are very energetic,” Karina said. “They run around a lot and are pretty messy, too…It kind of bothers me sometimes when they take over the whole living room.”
When the common areas feel too chaotic, her bedroom functions as a sanctuary, a place where she can relax, get work done and ultimately, be herself by herself. “[My brothers] aren’t really allowed to come into my room. Ever.” To cancel some of the excess brotherly noise or just to enjoy music when it’s late and her brothers are already in bed, Karina often listens to her iPod through headphones.

When asked what advice she would give to older sisters she said, “Make sure that [your siblings] know the boundaries. Keep a space for yourself so you can just go there and chill out by yourself.”

As for advice to parents trying to regulate sibling conflict in the home, she said jokingly, “Always side with the older sister!” Seriously, though, she emphasized fairness. “I also think it’s really important to let the older sibling have privileges and make sure that [the younger ones] know that it’s because [their brother or sister is] older.” Some of the privileges in the Hange home include: choosing the radio station, staying up later, and having first dibs on certain food. And more privileges are on the horizon for Karina as she approaches 16. “Soon I’ll be able to drive,” she said, smiling. Wide-eyed, Kristopher braced himself on the couch.

According to 10-year-old Jake Bowling, his dad, Jim, is pretty into the family’s backyard basketball court. “He loves it. He gets out there a lot and shoots hoops.” And dad isn’t the only one. “We do other stuff,” says Jake. “We do [play] basketball, but we just basically play around on there and have fun…[My brothers], Sam and Matthew, sometimes play with their lightsabers. You can see the remains of a battle or something out there.”

The concrete rectangle in the otherwise sloping backyard of Jim and Cheri Bowling’s Greenbrier home has become the center of activity for their four sons (ages 2-10). Built by a local contractor last fall, the spot held a particular draw for the inquisitive boys even during construction. As Jake remembers, “We had a bulldozer in our yard for a long time. I think it took at least a month… It was actually pretty cool.”

The heavy machinery is long gone and now, come rain, snow, wind or sun, the boys can be found happily battling Storm-troopers or kicking a soccer ball on the smooth, gray expanse.
As parents of young sons already well know, the energy of boys seems limitless. Having enough space inside one’s home dedicated to the expression of that liveliness can often be a challenge. One of the first things the Bowlings did, upon moving in several years ago, was to enclose the backyard—in essence creating boundaries for that boundless energy.

“I feel like the backyard has totally saved us,” said Cheri. “For the most part, I just say, ‘Go outside and don’t come back in!’” Laughing, she recounted a rare moment when she told the boys that they needed to come inside. “One of the kids [pointed] with his lightsaber and was like, ‘Who are you and what have you done with our mother?’”

“What I often think,” explained Cheri, “is that being outdoors, whether on the Rivanna Trail or just the backyard, not only gives the kids more space and fresh air but it’s an immediate antidote to petty squabbles and bad moods. We all need a daily reminder that the world is a lot bigger than small toys and electronics.”

During my visit, 2-year-old Jonathan was in full whine-mode (as toddlers often are). His mom suggested that Jake spend some time with him outside.

When I asked Jake how he felt about being the oldest brother he said proudly, “It’s awesome.” He continued, “There is a lot of responsibility, but I get to drive first!” With that, he took his youngest brother out to play in the backyard.—Christy Baker

 It’s been three snotty, sore-throated weeks in the Baker household. After a lovely snowed-in weekend with family up in Philadelphia, we brought home some belated Christmas gifts and what we have been referring to as the Demon Cold from Hell. The sickness first hit me on the return drive to Charlottesville. My two sons, Pierce (4) and Judah (3) were coughing by bedtime. Aaron, my stalwart husband, held out for another day. Not wanting to share the virus with others, we stayed home. For a long, long time.

Despite being sick, my sons’ energy level seemed to stay, ahem, pretty normal. Meaning I wanted to stay in bed all day, and they wanted to run in circles while throwing stuff at each other, preferably with loud rock music playing in the background. What was an exhausted and ill mom to do?

Our small Belmont home doesn’t allow for a lot of indoor, gross motor skill-type physical activity. As an active and creative family, we make the best of the approximately 1,000 square feet that is available to us. Ever the inventive go-getter, my husband is always fabricating new ways to play. A saddle maker by day, he often uses the leftover bits of leather in his non-equine related creations.

The latest addition to our in-home playscape is the swing. Crafted from a scrap of leather and some climbing rope, it hangs between the kitchen and living room. “We have to wear our helmets now,” explains Judah. “Because Pierce fell off and donked his head on the concrete [floor].” True, an indoor swing may not be the safest entertainment option, but we’ve learned to mitigate risk.

Alternatively, we have a wooden marble track that spans the length of their shared bedroom wall (another one of Aaron’s weekend creations). During the height of the Demon Cold epidemic I set up a teepee in the living room as a quiet napping and reading nook. The boys use it every day, carting in books by the armful and blankets by the bunch.

A while back we mandated that toys needed to stay in the boys’ room or at least end up there by bedtime. It has worked pretty well to keep the common areas kid-clutter free. But there is nothing like having two sick kids and two sick parents to really wreak havoc on the state of one’s home.

The key to maintaining some sense of order has been to make sure everything has a place and everyone knows where that place is. I quizzed Pierce the other day, asking him to list his stuff and where it belongs.

“Cars: basket,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Shirts: lockers, drawer. Shoes: shelf. Coats: hang-y thing…” What a proud mama I am! But seriously, if he can tell me where things belong, then he can put all of that excess energy to good use and help keep this ward tidy.

GROWING ROOM
How to be the cool uncle
Challenge: Prepping an adults-only space for young visitors

Mark Farmwald’s loft apartment acts as his bachelor pad, commercial photography and film studio, gallery of sorts, and office. Lighting equipment, rolls of paper and glossy prints populate the vast 1,400-square-foot space. The décor incorporates quintessential modern design (marble-top Saarinen tulip table) with contrasting industrial finishes (exposed brick and duct work, sleek granite countertops). So when Mark’s teenage niece and nephew (16 and 15 respectively) come for a visit from Raleigh, he makes some kid-friendly accommodations.

Firstly, there’s Pre-Emptive Damage Control for his expensive photographic equipment: “I have cases for all of my gear,” he said. “It all breaks down and goes away.”

Next, the Teen-Approved Entertainment: “Because I have so much open space and all of this wood floor,” he said. “I thought it would be really cool to get a little race-track with remote control cars. You could go through the kitchen, through the dining room, a little detour into the bathroom, come back out into the sitting area, out into this main area—it’s about 600 to 650 square feet.” With a mischievous Tom-Hanks-in-Big smile, he continued, “They could do jumps off of the stairs —all kinds of stuff.”

“[One] thing that I think is really important is the sound system,” he emphasized. “It’s not that expensive but it’s loud. I installed this [Bose 321] system to be there for them.”

Madeline and Morgan can hook up their iPods, crank up the satellite radio, stream Pandora or even play records.

Conspicuously absent, however, are video games. “I have no video game system—that’s very conscious,” Farmwald explained. “Because when I have [my niece and nephew] here, I don’t want them playing video games. Even if we’re watching a movie it’s something that everyone can enjoy, more than two people. We play board games.”

Which leads to, A Place to Hang Out: “This carpet was so important because I have wood floors and I thought, oh the wood floors are so beautiful, but the kids don’t want to sit on the wood floor and play games. So, I got this 17×14 remnant and had the edge stitched. It’s not wall-to-wall carpet, you can still see the wood floor, but this is where we get on the floor and you know, play with the dog.”

When asked what advice he would give to folks who are having kid visitors for the holidays, Farmwald said, “I think that having something that’s entertaining is good, like a stash of movies. Having a dog helps. From a safety standpoint, I’m not a clutter person, there’s just not a lot of stuff lying around, so there’s not going to be a lot of temptations. Those are the two things: Get rid of clutter and have entertainment.”

Oh, and you might want to warn the neighbors—unless, like Cool Uncle Mark, you don’t have any. “I have a parking garage across the street and I have a caterer below that only works about once a week, at the most, and the space upstairs is empty. So crank up the sound system and let the kids scream.”—Christy Baker

MINI STORAGE
Soundly
Long gone are the days of CD binders and racks. You probably have all of your music organized on an iPod or some such digital device. So, storage isn’t an issue. But what’s a Cool Uncle to do when looking for an epic sound system that won’t take over the living room or break the bank? Try one of the Bose Acoustimass systems from Crutchfield ($399- 999). These diminutive speakers pack an aural punch.—C.B.