Author: eric-rezsnyak

“Cougar Town” 

Tuesday 8:30pm, ABC

Things are not looking good for our favorite penny can enthusiasts. “Cougar Town” got off to a rough start, bedeviled by that controversial name and a first season that struggled to find its voice, like so many sitcoms. The second season was utterly hilarious, and for me inspired way more laughs than its critical-darling contemporary, “Modern Family.” The third season will finally debut on Valentine’s Day, but with a meager 15-episode order. If you ever watched the show and liked it, now is the time to tune in. If you’ve never watched the show, know that it features a seriously funny ensemble cast led by Courteney Cox. And if you’ve watched it and hated it, you need to drink more wine.

“Celebrity Apprentice” 

Sunday 9pm, NBC

Donald Trump and NBC have finally abandoned the conceit that the current seasons of “The Apprentice” are anything like the show’s initially critically acclaimed, high-tension look at aspiring businesspeople. People watch now to see washed-up celebrities backstab each other and get into crazy screaming matches, and that’s more or less what the promos for this new season have promised. The new crew has some interesting names in the mix, including former talk-show host Arsenio Hall, 80’s shock-rocker Dee Snider, and my pick for the win, “Star Trek” actor and wisenheimer George Takei. But I’m most eager to see if New Jersey “Housewife” Teresa Giudice can bring the batshit where her colleague Nene Leakes failed last season. I want more table flipping and less boo-hooing, ladies!

”Life’s Too Short” 

Sunday 10:30pm, HBO

Ricky Gervais obliterated a good chunk of his cred with his most recent Golden Globes hosting stint. But try to remember him as the genius behind “The Office” when you consider his latest TV project, a fake documentary following actor Warwick Davis. Davis played the Ewok Wicket in Return of the Jedi, went on to the title role in the awful/amazing Leprechaun horror flicks, and appeared in all the Harry Potter films. He is also, of course, a dwarf, which informs most of the humor in this series. In “Curb Your Enthusiasm” style, Davis plays an exaggerated version of himself, an egotistical jackass desperate for fame and fortune. Gervais and his production partner Stephen Merchant will recur as themselves, and other celebrity cameos include Liam Neeson, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and perhaps most exciting, Right Said Fred.

“The River” 

Tuesday 9pm, ABC

You might recognize the name Oren Pell if you’re a fan of the Paranormal Activity series of films. Inspired by The Blair Witch Project, writer-director Pell took a modest budget and made a fortune out of “found-footage” film. He’s taking a similar approach with this new drama/horror series about a film crew heading to the Amazon to track down the scientist-host of a popular nature show who went missing six months ago while embarking on a mysterious quest. If this one isn’t somehow influenced by the cult classic Cannibal Holocaust I will be amazed. ABC is playing coy with marketing of this show, barely identifying the actors and instead focusing on the characters themselves, helping to perpetuate the illusion that “The River” is “real.” 

“Full Metal Jousting” 

Sunday 10pm, History Channel

What History Channel dubs “the first extreme sport,” jousting features two men on horseback, riding toward each other at speeds up to 30mph, aiming long lances at a specific piece of armor on the opposing rider’s shoulder. If the lance connects and breaks, that’s some points. If the other rider is knocked off, that’s more points. It’s an incredibly complicated and dangerous sport, and thus it’s brilliant fodder for a reality competition. “Full Metal Jousting” features 16 competitors—some with jousting experience, some without—being trained in the jousting arts and then pitted against one another while wearing modern steel accoutrements. This isn’t the Candyland stuff you see at your average Renaissance fair.

“Comic Book Men” 

Sunday 10pm, AMC

Seeking to capitalize on the success of comic-book adaptation “The Walking Dead” (which returns from its hiatus immediately preceding this show), AMC is going unscripted for this new series focusing on the staff and customers of Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash, the New Jersey comic shop owned by Kevin Smith. You may remember Smith as the ’90s era darling of slacker comedies, with films like Clerks, Chasing Amy, and Dogma to his name. Well, he’s also a huge comic geek, and has written story arcs for Daredevil, Green Arrow, and other super heroes when not making films. I fear this new series will reduce comic readers—like myself—to emotionally stunted, socially awkward man-children. (Not that there isn’t some truth to that.) I also wonder if any non-nerds will care.

“I Just Want My Pants Back”

Thursday 11pm, MTV

They may act like they’re too cool for it, but hipsters need love too. Thus this new so-clever-it-hurts sitcom. The attention-grabbing title stems from lead character Jason (Peter Vack, basically an amalgam of Owen and Luke Wilson), whose favorite pair of jeans go missing after a one-night stand with the funny, hot girl of his dreams. He goes on a mission to retake both his pants and his crush, and of course gets into all kinds of wacky misadventures with his pals, all of it steeped in ironic conversation and pop-culture references. That sounds like a recipe for insufferable soufflé, but the previews are charming and include some actual laugh-out-loud moments. And really, we should all support anything MTV puts out that doesn’t involve guido juiceheads or psychotic teen mothers.

“The Voice” 

Sunday 10pm, NBC

Season 2 of NBC’s reality singing competition will debut immediately following the Super Bowl. Few changes have been made to the series, which was a success for the network last spring and summer. Carson Daly returns as host, the blind audition to music battle rounds to live voting format is the same, and the coaching panel is intact, with Christina Aguilera, Blake Shelton, Adam Levine, and Cee Lo Green. Look for a new schedule, with the show regularly airing Mondays 8-10 p.m., and a new social-media correspondent in forgettable singer/actress Christina Milian.

“Smash” 

Monday 10pm, NBC

Executive produced by Steven Spielberg, this new drama-musical follows the fictional creation of a new Broadway show based on the life of Marilyn Monroe. Debra Messing (“Will & Grace”) plays the show’s writer and composer, whose very early work on the show attracts the attention of a big-time Broadway producer (screen legend Anjelica Huston) looking to make a statement to distract from her messy and financially crippling divorce. The main plot focuses on the showrunners’ struggle to cast the role of Marilyn, as they’re torn between a seasoned actress desperate for a shot at stardom (Megan Hilty, Wicked and 9-to-5) and a mega-talented relative newbie (Katharine McPhee, “American Idol” Season 5 runner-up). “Smash” is the anti-“Glee.” It’s very grown up, sometimes verging on too serious, but there’s no creative ADD. The pilot builds nicely and fully invests you in all the characters, and the original song and dance numbers are dynamite.

“Touch” 

Wednesday 9pm, Fox

Kiefer Sutherland returns to television with this new drama-mystery from the mind of Tim Kring. You might recognize that name as the creator of NBC’s “Heroes,” which could be a good thing if this turns out like “Heroes” Season 1, or a terrible thing if it turns out like any other season of that misbegotten show. Sutherland plays a widower who is in danger of losing custody of his severely autistic 11-year-old son, who refuses to speak or even be touched by anyone. But Sutherland’s character realizes that his son is communicating to the world, just through a complicated numerical system that exposes a hidden connectivity between seemingly disparate people. It’s high concept, to be sure. Note that this is a preview airing; the series has yet to receive an official start date.

“Spartacus: Vengeance” 

Friday 10pm, Starz

Starz’s divisive sword-and-sandals series returns with sad tidings. “Spartacus: Blood and Sand” immediately attracted a cult following for its surprisingly high production values, graphic violence, and even more graphic sex. But series lead Andy Whitfield was diagnosed with cancer prior to the start of Season 2, and so the producers decided to buy time for his treatment by shooting a prequel mini-series, “Gods of the Arena,” which aired last year. The plan was for Whitfield to come back for this new season, subtitled “Vengeance,” but he relapsed and succumbed to his disease. So Starz has recast the Spartacus roll with Liam McIntyre, who at least looks great in naught but a loincloth. Finally we’ll be able to see the aftermath of Spartacus’ bloody revolt in the House of Batiatus, including the ex-gladiators’ war on the armies of Rome.

“RuPaul’s Drag Race” 

Monday 9pm, Logo

None of us have truly lived until we’ve seen drag queens engaging in a professional-wrestling match. So God bless drag icon RuPaul for giving us exactly that in this fourth season of her fierce reality competition. The 13 queens culled for this season are certainly a varied bunch. Initial impressions suggest that the producers want a plus-sized winner this year, given that at least a quarter of the ladyboys are on the bigger end of the spectrum. We’ve got some legendary drag from longtime L.A. performer Chad Michaels, some gender bending courtesy of cueball-sporting The Princess, and you’ve never seen anything like Sharon Needles, a zombie-inspired drag queen.

“American Idol”
Wednesday-Thursday 8pm, Fox
Last year’s 10th season taught us several lessons. The most important is that, yes, the show can exist just fine without Simon Cowell, as the infusion of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez made the competition feel fresh for the first time in years. Shaking things up genre-wise is also a good idea, as we had an almost unheard-of mix of metal, gospel, jazz, and torch-song singers in the Final 13. And finally, that the voting has unquestionably been overwhelmed by Southern moms, explaining a six male/two female Top 8 and an all-country Final 2 in Lauren Alaina and eventual winner Scott McCreery. This season here’s hoping that Lopez is more aggressive in the early auditions—she was too nicey-nicey last year, but offered insightful criticism once we got to the voting rounds—and that Tyler actually critiques the finalists this time instead of last year’s love fest. As for Randy Jackson, he…continues to exist.

“Unsupervised”
Thursday 10:30pm, FX
FX tries to build its animated comedy block with this new companion series for hilarious spy toon “Archer,” which returns from hiatus Thursday at 10pm. “Unsupervised” comes from the writers/producers of FX’s “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” Justin Long (Drag Me to Hell, assorted Drew Barrymore romcoms) and David Hornsby (Rickety Cricket on “Sunny”) voice the lead characters, two pubescent best friends raising themselves after being abandoned or ignored by their parents. The rest of the voice cast includes Kristen Bell (“Veronica Mars”), Romany Malco (“Weeds”), Kaitlin Olson (Dee on “Sunny”), Fred Armisen (“Saturday Night Live”), and even the great whiskey-soaked vocal cords of Sally Kellerman as the boys’ principal.

“On Freddie Roach”
Friday 9:30pm, HBO
Writer/director/producer/actor Peter Berg has experienced success by merging sports and the screen with his film and TV adaptations of Friday Night Lights. His latest project is a cinema verite series (it’s fancier than calling it reality TV) focusing on the life of Freddie Roach, a former amateur boxer who for the past two decades has become one of the most sought-after trainers in the sport, working with 20 world champions including Manny Pacquiao, Amir Khan, Oscar de la Hoya, and Mike Tyson. He has been named Trainer of the Year of the Boxing Writers Association of America and has been inducted into the World Boxing Hall of Fame—and he also has Parkinson’s disease. This series will chronicle Roach’s impressive career and explore how his debilitating condition has affected his life.

“Dance Moms”

Tuesday 9pm, Lifetime

The surprise hit from last summer returns for Season 2, and it will be interesting to see what has changed now that some of these women have seen their deplorable actions broadcast via reality TV editors. “Dance Moms” follows Abby Lee Miller, a purportedly world-renowned dance instructor and coach to mostly preteen girls. Miller is imperious, obnoxious, and has no qualms about verbally tearing down her students. So basically, she’s amazing television. Also featured are her students—adorable moppets, some of them very talented —and their mothers, who display some of the pettiest behavior I’ve ever seen committed to film. Seriously, everyone involved in this series owes an apology to women everywhere for their terrible portrayals of that sex. But just try to look away…

“Are You There, Chelsea?”

Wednesday 8:30pm, NBC

I have mixed feelings about Chelsea Handler. On the one hand, I applaud her scrappiness—she worked her ass off to become a fairly well known comedian and TV host in what is still largely a boy’s club. I’ve just never found her to be as funny as she thinks she is, though I have friends who swear her books are riotous. Especially Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, from which NBC Frankenstein-ed the nonsensical title of her new semi-autobiographical sitcom. Wisely realizing that Handler would be unconvincing as a 20something (honestly, I can’t believe she’s only 36…), her younger self is played by former “That 70s Show” star Laura Prepon, while Chandler will make guest appearances as Chelsea’s older, born-again Christian sister.

“Alcatraz”

Monday 8pm, Fox

One of the most well-received pilots of the 2011-2012 season is this new drama-mystery from J.J. Abrams (“Lost,” “Alias”). A San Francisco police detective (Sarah Jones, “Sons of Anarchy”) investigates a brutal murder and lifts a fingerprint that points her to a former inmate at the infamous island prison Alcatraz—an inmate who supposedly died decades earlier. The trail leads her to an amateur Alcatraz expert/comic-book geek (Jorge Garcia, Hurley from “Lost”) and together they discover that not only is her suspect alive, but he hasn’t aged a day since his prison stint—and he’s not the only supposedly dead Alcatraz inmate who has mysteriously reappeared in the present day. Expect lots of mind-bending twists and metaphysical woo-woo, plus familiar faces like Sam Neill (Jurassic Park), Robert Forster (Jackie Brown) and Parminder Nagra (“E.R.”).
 

“Project Runway: All Stars” 

Thursday 9pm, Lifetime

The good news: 13 of the most beloved and/or memorable contestants from “Project Runway” seasons past are back for a second chance. We’re talking Season 1’s Austin Scarlett (now with an unfortunate pornstache), Season 4’s Sweet P, Season 8’s Michael Costello, and Season 5’s Kenley Collins, for my money the most hateful contestant in this show’s history. The bad news: none of the regular “PR” crew is back—no Heidi, no Michael, no Nina. Instead, they’re replaced by new judges Isaac Mizrahi and Georgina Chapman, with model host Angela Lindvall and Marie Claire editor Joanna Coles in the Tim Gunn role. I am perplexed. The potentially worse news is that, according to a story that Gawker ran months ago, an inside source claims that obvious favoritism on the part of the judges ensured that a specific fan-favorite designer ended up winning the whole thing. So this should be interesting…

“Absolutely Fabulous” 

Sunday 10pm, BBC America/Logo

I may bitch about networks being out of ideas, bringing back hit shows from the recent past because nothing is working now. But I won’t bitch about this, sweetie darlings! “Absolutely Fabulous,” the gloriously hedonistic British sitcom starring Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley, is celebrating its 20th anniversary (I’ll pause while you gag over your lost youth) with three new specials in 2012. The first airs this week, and involves Saffy returning home from prison, Patsy discovering that she has no actual traceable identity, and Bubble reenacting last summer’s royal wedding.

“House of Lies” 

Sunday 10pm, Showtime

Don Cheadle is one of those actors who gets lots of roles and lots of acclaim, but is rarely viewed as a headliner. This new project might change that. In “House of Lies,” Cheadle plays a successful, totally unscrupulous management consultant who lies, cheats, and manipulates his way into mega-dollar deals with wealthy companies. I think we would all enjoy seeing the rich get fleeced for a change. Cheadle is joined by another well-regarded, can’t-quite-break-through star, Kristen Bell (“Veronica Mars,” “Heroes”), plus Ben Shwartz, better known as Jean-Ralphio on “Parks and Recreation.” The concept is interesting and the main cast is great, but I worry that the execution might veer into forced quirkiness, what with cross-dressing plot lines and a pill-popping, sex-obsessed ex who doubles as a business rival. It’s starting to sound a little “Ally McBeal” up in here.

New Year’s Eve specials

There are so many NYE specials, and honestly, they’re all pretty similar: annoying host, fame-whore cameos, ball countdown, and some questionable live music performances. Here’s a rundown of the major entries: the venerable “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” will air on ABC starting at 10pm, preceded by a two-hour special at 8pm that will recount great moments from the 38(!) previous installments. Ryan Seacrest will continue primary hosting duties, with musical guests Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Pitbull, and Hot Chelle Rae. NBC’s coverage starts at 10pm, is hosted by Carson Daly, and will feature performances by Drake, Jessie J, “Voice” coaches Blake Shelton and Cee Lo Green, and Tony Bennett, and NBC News’ Brian Williams will give his music review of 2011. Fox is going a twangier route with a country-themed special featuring “American Idol” runner-up Lauren Alaina and Rodney Atkins starting at 11pm. MTV is going for a younger crowd with its 11pm special hosted by “Teen Wolf’ star Tyler Posey and trying-too-hard Demi Lovato, with music by Selena Gomez, Mac Miller, Jason Derulo, and other folks who were fetuses in the 1990s.

“South Park” 

Saturday 9pm-midnight, Comedy Central

As you may have heard, the Mayans made this fabulous stone calendar way back when, and it happens to expire in 2012. Some people think this means they knew the date of the end of the world. Some people think it signals a new age of cosmic enlightenment. I think they ran out of rock, or their chiseling hands cramped up. Unsurprisingly, the “South Park” gang falls on the cynical side of things, and has decided to celebrate our impending extinction with a “Countdown to the End of the World” marathon. The “South Park” kids will help viewers prepare for the possible doomsday with three hours of apocalyptic episodes, including the brilliant “Make Love, Not Warcraft.”

“Intervention,” “Hoarders” 

Monday 7am-11pm, A&E

Start off your new year by scaring yourself into a productive, healthy lifestyle by taking in marathons of two of the most confronting shows currently on television. You could argue that documentary series like “Intervention” and “Hoarders” are incredibly manipulative, and you would be right. But the bottom line is, these shows are more powerful than any anti-drug PSA, and more useful than any home-improvement show. New episodes of both series start at 9pm Monday. Prior to that you can catch up with repeats of “Intervention” from 7am-3pm, and “Hoarders” from 3-9pm.

“Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!” 

Friday 8pm, BBC America

You read C-VILLE Weekly, so obviously you are intelligent, witty, and urbane. So I’m sure you already know all about “Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!”; National Public Radio has been broadcasting the news-panel game show for more than a decade. Host Peter Sagal corrals a group of smart, funny people and they participate in various games with questions based around the news of the week. It’s delightful. Apparently, even the Brits think so—and they’re usually so much fancier than us!—so BBC America is airing this special televised version of “Wait Wait,” which will offer a review of 2011’s news stories. Given that it’s an American program being broadcast on a British channel, look for a mix of Yankee and British news and personalities. At least they have the royal wedding as common ground.

“Christmas in
Chelsea Square” 

Saturday 11:35pm, CBS

I have some religious relatives who get furious this time of year, complaining about the rampant commercialization and simultaneously de-Jesus-ing of Christmas. Personally, I feel like you should celebrate the holiday however you want. For me, that involves baking a ton of cookies, drinking ill-considered amounts of eggnog, and emotionally scarring my young nephews and nieces with stories of Krampus. But if you’d rather spend Christmas Eve reflecting on the birth of your savior instead of watching “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” for the 90th time, CBS will broadcast a service of lessons and carols by the General Theological Seminary of the Episcopal Church, from the Chapel of the Good Shepherd in New York City. It will conclude with a reading of the poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas” for kids. So you still get some Santa in there, too.

The Polar Express

Sunday 8pm, ABC Family

This 2004 holiday film starring Tom Hanks (via vaguely creepy motion-capture digital animation) is just one example of ABC Family’s almost exhaustively cheery programming for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Starting at 10am Saturday you’ll get a nearly non-stop slew of holiday flicks, including the Joel Grey-narrated ’Twas the Night Before Christmas, The Santa Clause and Santa Clause 3 (I’m guessing the second film is too hot for TV?), and Home Alone 2 (which I would argue is better than the original). And once the kids pass out from their sugar/adrenaline highs, the adults can bask in the Griswoldian glory of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (Sunday 10pm).—

WWE Tribute to the Troops

Tuesday 9pm, TNT

When professional wrestlers and America’s armed forces come together, the first thing that comes to my mind is that episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” where the boys decide to wrestle for the troops, and Frank—as his garbage-eating alter-ego The Trash Man—ends the whole thing by mortally wounding the Taliban-outfitted Rickety Cricket. Lord knows how you top that, but this annual special will try by hearkening back to Bob Hope’s USO days with a star-studded variety show. In addition to WWE wrasslin’, the special will feature musical performances by Mary J. Blige and Nickelback, as well as videotaped messages to the troops from stars like Matthew McConaughey, Robin Williams, The Muppets, and Nicole Kidman. On a wrestling program. Amazing.

"Christmas in Washington"

Friday 8pm, TNT

This holiday concert has a little something for everyone in the family. Conan O’Brien hosts, which should make the hipsters happy. Nu country fans will be pleased to see The Band Perry, and Jennifer Hudson is set to serve up some R&B and gospel sounds, while Cee Lo Green presents a decidedly flashier dose of hackneyed urban pop. And kids, tweens, and teens everywhere will scream their little heads off for Victoria Justice (singer-songwriter and star of Nickelodeon’s “Victorious”) and the now-ubiquitous Justin Bieber. Now that he’s had his obligatory holiday CD, which includes that soul-killing cover of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.”(Can we please move on to the latter-day Leif Garrett phase of his career?) And since it’s in Washington, the president and first lady will be on hand, which should spark some uncomfortable political discussions with mom and dad.

"Who’s Still Standing?"

Monday 8pm, NBC

Poor NBC is so deep in the ratings toilet that it has resorted to adapting an Israeli quiz show in which people drop down holes. But maybe it’s not so crazy after all. If they hit right, TV game shows can become huge phenomena (See: “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” “Deal or No Deal,” etc.). There is basically nothing else new on TV for the next two weeks. And Americans love watching people do stupid shit, so shooting them down holes for not knowing the answer to some trivia question could be a winning idea. Also in the plus column is the fact that Ben Bailey from “Cash Cab” is set to host, and he’s totally charming.