Author: eric-rezsnyak

Snowmaggedon 

Saturday 9pm, Syfy

Are you sick of touchy-feely holiday movies, what with their morals and sappy endings that make you waste the precious booze in your system by shedding what people with real feelings call tears? This year, forgo the miracles and the wonderful lives and tune in to Syfy Saturday for Christmas films where things blow up, and the only spirit people feel is terror, and maybe shame for the crappy special effects they’re acting opposite. Snowmaggedon is a new original movie featuring David Cubitt (“Medium”) and Michael Hogan (Tigh on “Battlestar Galactica”) as residents of a small town that is besieged by a magical snow globe that wreaks weather-related havoc. This is what happens when American manufacturing moves to China, people. Tune in at 7pm for last year’s Ice Quake, starring Brendan Fehr and Victor Garber.

“Luck” 

Sunday 10pm, HBO

This highly anticipated new drama doesn’t officially debut until the end of January, but we’ll get a sneak peek of it following the season finale of “Boardwalk Empire.” The pedigree for this series couldn’t be higher. Michael Mann (The Aviator) directs the pilot, written by David Milch (“Deadwood”), which tells the stories of myriad characters that frequent a horse-racing track. Can you think of a setting with more dramatic potential, between the jockeys, the trainers, the gamblers, and the management? It’s amazing no one has tried it before (that I’m aware of). The cast is almost too good to believe, led by Oscar winner Dustin Hoffman, Nick Nolte, Dennis Farina, Jason Gedrick, and even guest spots by Joan Allen and Michael Gambon, the artist formerly known as Professor Dumbledore.

“Fear Factor” 

Monday 8pm, NBC

Just as “Pop-Up Video” and “Beavis and Butt-head” have returned to the tube in recent months, NBC’s once-popular reality contest “Fear Factor” is back with all new episodes. “Factor” originally aired from 2001 to 2006. The show put regular people through a series of fear-inducing challenges, which ranged from extreme physical stunts to some gag-inducing gross-out scenarios. For instance, one notable stunt involved contestants drinking blended rats, while a military-themed episode tasked hopefuls with bungee jumping off a helicopter. Contestants were whittled down over the course of an episode until someone ended up with a couple thousand dollars for their trouble/humiliation. The new series will once again feature host Joe Rogan, and the preview shows scorpion eating, bees swarming, women sobbing, and things exploding. Same as it ever was!

"Mystery Movie Night" 

Tuesday and Wednesday 8pm, TNT

Given TNT’s success with original and recycled crime procedurals (“The Closer,” “Bones,” “Rizzoli & Isles,” those never-ending “Law & Order” marathons), it only makes sense that the cable network would stick to a proven formula when making made-for-TV movies. The Mystery Movie Night slate will feature six original films airing over the next four weeks, all of them based on thrillers by best-selling crime/suspense novelists and featuring solid, recognizable casts. Innocent is up first on Tuesday, with Bill Pullman as a judge charged with the murder of his wife. Ricochet follows Wednesday at 9pm with John Corbett as a cop who starts an affair with the wife of the corrupt judge he’s investigating (Gary Cole).

"Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show"

Tuesday 10pm, CBS

I am having the worst time getting into the holiday spirit this year, but there’s one trick guaranteed to make me the jolliest bastard this side of the North Pole: the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Pretty girls! Wearing ridiculous outfits! They smile and wave and blow kisses! It’s all good, clean, giggly, jiggly fun, and I spend the whole show grinning and clapping to myself. And while it’s true that the star wattage of the Angels has dipped substantially since the days of Tyra and Heidi, you’ll still get Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Miranda Kerr, and other tall, leggy women in their underpants. Cee Lo Green was initially announced as the musical guest but has been replaced by Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, and Maroon 5. Upgrade!

“Neverland” 

Sunday and Monday 9pm, Syfy

Syfy’s original mini-series projects have historically been a mixed bag. For every “Battlestar Galactica” (which led to the genius series re-envisioning of the sci-fi property) and Oz-set “Tin Man” (majorly flawed, but with more good than bad) there have been some serious stinkers. This new project sticks to the modern reimagining of a classic property by offering a prequel take on J.M. Barrie’s “Peter Pan.” The set up sees young Peter as a Dickensian pickpocket working for Mr. Hook (Rhys Ifans, soon to play The Lizard in The Amazing Spider-Man), who sends Peter and his gang to steal a magical artifact that spirits them all away to a wacked-out fantasy world. There they come into contact with fairies (Tinker Bell is voiced by Keira Knightley), pirates searching for the secret of eternal youth (including Bob Hoskins and “Pushing Daisies” alum Anna Friel), and assorted other pieces of weirdness.

“Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade” 

Thursday 10am, NBC

I still love the Thanksgiving Day Parade. It’s my official kickoff to the holiday season, and I still have vivid childhood memories of being transfixed by it when I should have been getting the house cleaned for the impending Turkey Day festivities (and equally vivid memories of dad barking at me to get my ass off the couch). Interestingly, none of my nieces and nephews give a deuce about the parade, and I’m curious as to why it’s viewed by the current generation as an old-fashioned relic. Who cares about giant balloons and floats anymore? Me, I guess, although I do find it interesting that almost all of the big balloons in this year’s parade, including the new Sonic the Hedgehog, are essentially advertising mascots. Was that always the case and I was just too dense to get it?

“The Elf on the Shelf: An Elf’s Story” 

Friday 8:30pm, CBS

You can’t beat classics like “Rudolph” and “The Grinch,” but for the past few years a new wave of original holiday specials have been popping up in the hopes that they’ll become traditions in their own right. This new special is based on a Christmas book that became a self-published blockbuster. A mother-daughter team co-authored the book—about hidden scout elves that watch the activities of little boys and girls from Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve, and report back to Santa each night—back in 2005. After all the major publishing houses passed on it, they decided to print 300 copies on their own. Less than 10 years later it has become a Barnes & Noble bestseller and sold more than 1.5 million copies.

“Being Chaz” 

Sunday 8pm, OWN

Chaz Bono, the transgendered son of Sonny Bono and Cher, inadvertently sparked major controversy when he was announced as a cast member of the current 13th season of “Dancing with the Stars.” Some were outraged that an openly transgendered person would appear on a “family show,” but that take on things was met with strong support for Chaz from the LGBT community and his very vocal mom. Chaz ended up in seventh place, and more importantly became one of the most visible examples of a trans person in mainstream pop culture. This new special is a follow-up to the Emmy-nominated “Becoming Chaz,” which aired earlier this year. It chronicles Chaz’s preparations for “Dancing,” as well as him coping with his transition from female to male.

“America’s Next Top Model” 

Wednesday 9pm, CW

We’re nearing the end of Tyra Banks’s “all-star” cycle, and this week’s recap episode is the only thing between us and the Final Four. However, the proceedings haven’t been nearly as cracked out as I imagined they would be when the 14 returning contestants were announced. Fully half of those girls were assholes the first time around, but precious few of them brought the crazy or the bitch this time (thanks for playing, Bianca). It has, however, been fun to see favorite contestants get another shot at quasi-relevancy. At this point the only horse I still have in the race is C12’s living kewpie doll Allison, and I’m still pulling for that charming nosebleed-loving weirdo. But I’ve read some juicy spoilers that, if they prove true, would result in one of the nuttiest wins in reality-show history.

“Live with Regis and Kelly” 

Friday 10am, NBC29

After nearly 30 years Regis Philbin will end his reign as co-host after Friday’s broadcast. Philbin was one of the original hosts of “The Morning Show,” which started in 1983 as a New York City-only talk show. It went into national syndication in 1988, quickly growing into a ratings juggernaut, and Philbin is no small part of that success. He’s likable, believable, and good at his job—there’s a reason he was also picked to host one-time sensation “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” in the late ’90s. Plus, he put up with Kathie Lee Gifford for 15 years, so he must be saint. Expect many a tribute to Reeg (Katie Couric will also do an interview special with him the night prior on ABC’s “20/20”), but know that “Live” will continue with current co-host Kelly Ripa going through the same guest-host tryout process that landed her the gig a decade ago. Up first: Jerry Seinfeld, November 21-23.

“Donald Glover: Weirdo” 

Saturday 11pm, Comedy Central

I initially dismissed Donald Glover as the weak link when “Community” premiered on NBC a few years back. His jock character, Troy, seemed one-note at first. But then he developed his delightful bromance with Abed, explored interpretive dance, and introduced us to Annie’s Boobs, and now I find Troy to be one of the show’s best characters, and Glover one of its most versatile performers. He’s also a gifted comedic writer—he wrote for the first three seasons of “30 Rock”—a burgeoning rapper, and partially responsible for the new Spider-Man being part African-American. And this weekend you can catch him in his first comedy special.

“Vietnam in HD” 

Tuesday 9pm, History Channel

As President Obama prepares to bring an end to one of the most controversial military engagements of our time, History Channel looks back at an even more contentious deployment with this six-episode mini-series. Following a similar format to 2009’s award-winning “WWII in HD,” “Vietnam” explores the Vietnam War via 13 stories of American men and women who were directly involved in the war. Among them are a Marine turned author, a journalist who received the Bronze Star for rescuing wounded soldiers, a nurse who was on the front lines during the Tet Offensive, an infantryman whose experience transformed him into an anti-war activist, and the wife of the highest-ranking military prisoner-of-war during the conflict. The documentary uses archival footage—including video shot by the soldiers during their service—as well as narration by Michael C. Hall (“Dexter”) and voiceover work by Ed Burns, James Marsden, Dylan McDermott and even Tempestt Bledsoe (Vanessa Huxtable on “The Cosby Show”). 

“Metal Evolution” 

Friday 10pm, VH1 Classic

In 2005 anthropologist Sam Dunn released Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey, a film he co-directed that attempted to document the origins and appeal of heavy-metal music. He has since made several other documentaries dealing with metal, and now VH1 Classic is bringing Dunn and his fixation on the hyper-aggressive genre to TV with an 11-episode series that will further flesh out the metal “family tree” he came up with in A Headbanger’s Journey. The series is part of VH1 Classic’s 11-day metal celebration that also includes an all-metal episode of “Pop-Up Video,” remastered “Behind the Music” episodes, the return of “That Metal Show” and more. Maybe somewhere in there they can explain why metal guys have such terrible taste in facial hair.

“Diane Sawyer Interview with Gabrielle Giffords” 

Monday 10pm, ABC

On January 8, 2011, Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot outside a Tucson supermarket in a alleged assassination attempt that left her with life-threatening wounds to her head, as well as six bystanders dead and 13 more injured. Giffords’ husband, astronaut Mark Kelly, has given interviews about the attack and its effect on his wife and their family, but up until now Giffords has remained silent. On the eve of the release of a memoir by Giffords and Kelly, the spouses will talk with Diane Sawyer. Giffords’ exact participation in the interview is still unclear, as it depends on her level of recuperation.

“Hell on Wheels” 

Sunday 10pm, AMC

Those still lamenting the loss of the late, great HBO Western “Deadwood” might want to give this new offering from AMC a try. This basic-cable channel, currently riding high on the massive success of zombie thriller “The Walking Dead,” continues to take chances with a series set in the 1860s. Relative unknown Anson Mount plays a former Confederate soldier tracking down the people who murdered his wife. His quest for vengeance takes him to the violent moving city that surrounds the creation of the transcontinental railroad. As he gets drawn into the shady wheelings and dealings around the nation’s western expansion, the Cheyenne lash out over the tracks being built on their ancestral land. The cast also includes rapper/actor Common and Colm Meaney (“Star Trek: The Next Generation” and “Deep Space Nine”).

“The Heart, She Holler”

Sunday 12:30am, Adult Swim

If you’re into weird, twisted stuff on the cutting edge of humor, Adult Swim is your channel. Cartoon Network’s awkward teenage brother is best known for pop-culture bait like “Robot Chicken” and “Venture Bros.,” but it also includes some totally bizarre shows, like this new six-night mini-series that sends up everything from “Dynasty” to “Twin Peaks.” The series follows what happens after a wealthy tycoon who more or less runs an isolated Southern town leaves his entire fortune to his long-lost son (Patton Oswalt, Ratatouille), inducing his crazy hick sisters (one of them played by Kristen Schaal, formerly Mel on “Flight of the Conchords”) to try to murder him. The preview is bananas—there’s sex with disembodied ghost hands. What else do you need to know?

“Kung-Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness” 

Monday 5:30pm, Nickelodeon

As far as computer-animated kids movies go, you could do a lot worse than Dreamworks’ Kung-Fu Panda and its recent sequel. The animation is slick and lush, the setting is interesting, and the characters and plot, though not terribly original, are fun enough for kids (talking animals that do martial arts!) and relatively tolerable for adults. This spin-off TV series throws the same characters from the films into new kung-fu adventures. Don’t listen for the voice actors from the movies, though: Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, and Angelina Jolie are kind of busy. However, Lucy Liu will reprise her role as Master Viper. (Translation: someone please get Ling Woo a regular on-screen job.)

“Beavis and Butt-head”

Thursday 10pm, MTV

First “Pop-Up Video,” now “Beavis and Butt-head”—the ’90s are alive and well on basic cable. The original “Beavis and Butt-head” ran on MTV from 1993 to 1997, a crudely animated show following two tasteless Texas high-schoolers who pepper their sociopathic outings with critiques of music videos. The cackling-idiot duo gained a surprising amount of cultural notoriety, even earning a successful film adaptation. Because America continues to get more stupid by the hour, MTV and creator Mike Judge are bringing these morons back for a whole new run. Everything will remain the same-—the animation, the setting, their ages—but now they’ll be offering cultural commentary on reality TV shows, ultimate fighting matches, and films, in addition to music videos.

“Allen Gregory” 

Sunday 8:30pm, Fox

Fox has locked down “The Simpsons” for two more seasons, but the network knows it needs to sow the seeds for the future of its “Animation Domination” block now. Enter “Allen Gregory,” a new cartoon from the mind of Jonah Hill (Superbad, Moneyball) about the world’s most pretentious 7-year-old (voiced by Hill) who is forced to attend public elementary school. Allen looks at his new classmates as little more than savages, but has no choice but to attempt to make the best of it in order to survive. Supporting characters include Allen’s father, Richard; Richard’s straight husband; and Julie, Allen’s stepsister who was adopted from Cambodia, and who hates his guts.

“Ghost Hunters
Halloween Live” 

Monday 7pm, Syfy

Plumbers by day, ghost hunters by night Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson lead the (remarkably telegenic) Atlantic Paranormal Society. The group features everyday folks with an interest in the supernatural investigating supposedly haunted locations, looking for evidence that can explain the various spooky sights and sounds. For the past several years “Ghost Hunters” has done live Halloween episodes from a number of haunts. This year’s six-hour event will explore the infamous Pennhurst State School and Hospital in Spring City, Pennsylvania, which was notorious for its shabby treatment of patients before being forcibly closed in the 1980s. The special will feature interactive elements so folks at home can play along, which should be more entertaining than handing out candy to our nation’s obese youth.

“The Onion News Network”
Tuesday 10pm, IFC
“The Daily Show” has been winning Emmys for years for its cynical news parodies, but The Onion has been doing that shtick for decades now, and must’ve wanted a piece of that sweet Old Spice advertising budget. “The Onion News Network” debuted in January of this year and returns for its second season this week. Much like the parody newspaper from which it spun off, the show features reports on all kinds of offensive, sometimes inane topics, like a story about General Mills producing a new version of Lucky Charms with 15 percent less leprechaun meat. You could argue that Onion parodies and actual news stories grow harder to distinguish every day (actual headline on Yahoo homepage as I write this: “Foul-ball flub earns dad a death stare”), but I would counter that that’s all the more reason to laugh at the stuff we’re supposed to, instead of weep for reality.

“American Horror Story”
Wednesday 10pm, FX
Ryan Murphy has been terrorizing Americans with good taste with the increasingly infuriating “Glee,” so it’s only fitting that his next project be an intentionally scary one. “American Horror Story” is precisely what it sounds like: a modern thriller, this one about a dysfunctional family that moves into a haunted house hoping to reconnect, but instead finding madness and death. I hope that the eat-in kitchen was worth it. The previews promise plenty of psychosexual mindfuckery, and the cast is aces: Dylan McDermott (“The Practice”), Connie Britton (“Friday Night Lights”), Frances Conroy (“Six Feet Under”), Denis O’Hare (Russell on “True Blood”), and Zachary Quinto (“Heroes”), plus Jessica Lange in her first regular TV gig.

“Enlightened”
Monday 9:30pm, HBO
Laura Dern joins the ever-growing list of critically acclaimed actresses finding refuge on cable TV. In this new comedy the Wild at Heart star plays a high-level executive who has a full-blown meltdown in the middle of the office. After three months of therapy in a Hawaiian treatment center she returns to her life with a new positive outlook, which she insists on forcing on everyone else, whether they want it or not. The cast also includes Diane Ladd and Luke Wilson, and the series is created and written by Mike White, writer of Chuck & Buck and School of Rock, who you might recognize from his two stints as a contestant on “The Amazing Race” with his also-awesome dad.
 

“Homeland”
Sunday 10pm, Showtime
Claire Danes returns to series television with this new political thriller. It’s terrifying to think that Danes, now 32, got her big break back in 1994 as a 15-year-old actually playing a 15-year-old on the short-lived but iconic teen drama “My So-Called Life.” Now she’s all grown up, with some major film credits and awards to her name. She leads this show as a maverick CIA agent who believes that an American POW recently rescued in Afghanistan has switched his allegiance during his eight years in captivity. I don’t think Danes has ever given a poor performance, and she typically picks smart, interesting projects, so that’s a good sign. Damian Lewis plays the soldier-turned-possible-terrorist; you may recognize him from “Band of Brothers” and NBC’s “Life.” Also starring Mandy Pantinkin and Morena Baccarin, of “V.”

“Pop-Up Video”
Monday noon & 12:30pm, VH1
The other day I wondered: What’s the point of music videos anymore? Now that MTV focuses almost exclusively on reality shows that follow brain-dead guidos and knocked-up teens, where do you even watch them? And then the answer came in an unexpected announcement: “Pop-Up Video” is back. The show originally aired from 1996-2002, and was hugely popular at first, before VH1 ran it into the ground. It lays interesting factoids and snarky commentary over videos by artists like Madonna, Britney Spears and Shakira. VH1 has ordered 60 new episodes, which will air back-to-back weekdays at noon. So when you go home for your lunch break you can get a shot of ’90s nostalgia, and weep into your Lean Cuisine about how little you’ve accomplished compared to Claire Danes.

“House”
Monday 9pm, Fox
The producers and writers of “House” have a serious challenge going into Season 8. The show, formerly a critical darling and ratings success, has lost a lot of its luster over the past few seasons. Many diehard fans were infuriated by the conclusion of last season, in which lead character, brilliant but flawed doctor Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), deliberately drove his car into the house of his former girlfriend/coworker (Lisa Edelstein as Cuddy, now off the show). Bad behavior is nothing new for the character, but many viewers saw this as crossing the line into irredeemable territory. The producers promise that House will be held accountable for his actions this year—he starts out in prison, which is a good sign. We’ll see how long that lasts.