Author: eric-rezsnyak

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Merry melodies

“The Looney Tunes Show”

Tuesday 8pm, Cartoon Network
The old “Looney Tunes” cartoon shorts remain brilliant even decades after their original airings. Don’t believe me? Try watching any of those Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote clips. They just don’t make them like that anymore. Except they do! Cartoon Network is bringing back Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Tasmanian Devil, Marvin the Martian and the whole “Looney” gang for this new series, which transplants Bugs and Daffy from the forest to the big city. There they interact with a string of colorful neighbors both familiar (Speedy Gonzales, Sylvester and Tweety, Pepe Le Pew) and new. Let’s hope they can stand up to the flawless originals.

“Lady Gaga Presents The Monster’s Ball Tour”

Saturday 9pm, HBO
The backlash against Lady Gaga has already started in anticipation of the release of her next album, Born This Way, set to drop later this month. This always happens. America builds up its pop icons and then rips them apart with equal glee—in this case, by alleging that Gaga ripped off Madonna’s “Express Yourself” in her new single “Born This Way,” and dismissing her outrageous performances as silly or lame. Gaga is surely a shrewd enough observer of pop culture to have seen this coming, which is probably why she did this concert special at Madison Square Garden. Say what you will about Gaga, but her music is catchy as hell, and she’s a step above the other studio-produced pop outfits around right now. This should be one hell of a show.

“Why Not? With Shania Twain”

Sunday 11pm, OWN
Shania Twain achieved massive success in the late ’90s with a string of hits that not only brought her to the top of the country charts, but made her ubiquitous on mainstream pop radio. Then, at the height of her fame, she disappeared, after her last album of new material came out in 2002. Eventually, news broke that her marriage to renowned music producer Mutt Lange was over, due to Lange’s affair with Twain’s best friend. In a bizarre twist, after their divorce, Twain then married the former husband of Lange’s mistress. Apparently, this all sounded like perfect fodder for a TV show, so Oprah Winfrey gave Twain her own docu-series that followed her plot to win back her career, while she confronted issues with her voice, her impoverished childhood and her former husband’s betrayal. Look for cameos by music legends Gladys Knight and Lionel Richie. 

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Arts

Quittin’ time

“The Voice”

Tuesday 9pm, NBC
“Voice” is an import of a Dutch singing show that operates much in the vein of “The X-Factor,” but with a twist. Four celebrity judges—Cee-Lo Green, country star Blake Shelton, Maroon 5’s Adam Levine, and rapidly foundering pop diva Christina Aguilera—will each draft a “team” of performers, who they will mentor and whittle down to a total of 16 contestants, whose fortunes will be voted on by America (the prize for winning is a recording contract, naturally). But first come the “blind” rounds, where the judges sit in high-backed chairs facing away from the contestants, so that they can pick singers based solely on their voices. Oh, my gosh—what if one of them is UGLY?! Yes, it has come to this.

“The Office”

Thursday 9pm, NBC
After seven seasons, nearly 150 episodes, and countless utterings of “That’s what she said,” Michael Scott checks out of Dunder Mifflin this week as Steve Carell departs the series. While “The Office” has run out of steam, Michael’s exit has been handled brilliantly. The wonderful Amy Ryan is back as Michael’s soulmate (he’s moving with her to Colorado to take care of her elderly parents). Though Will Ferrell enters as his temporary replacement, the season is seeded with hints as to who might take over in his place. Dwight, Andy and Darryl have all been floated as successors (Andy being the most likely, given Ed Helms’ rising film profile). But rumor has it that a slew of guest stars will appear in the season finale in a few weeks, angling for the lead spot next season, including James Spader, Brit Catherine Tate, Will Arnett, Ray Romano (God, no) and show creator Ricky Gervais.

Royal Romances

Friday 8pm–Saturday 6am, TCM
Forget getting up at the crack of dawn so you can watch Britain’s Prince William marry Kate Middleton. Get your beauty sleep, watch the highlights on CNN, and then tune in Friday night for this marathon of classic royal romance flicks. It starts with Fred Astaire and Jane Powell in 1951’s Royal Wedding, followed by Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday at 10 pm, Leslie Caron in the Cinderella-themed The Glass Slipper, actual princess Grace Kelly in The Swan, and the 1927 silent film The Student Prince in Old Heidelberg, starring Ramon Navarro. 

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Arts

Tablet revolution

“Girl’s Night Out: Superstar Women of Country”

Friday 9pm, CBS
While male country artists are generally too earnest for my taste, I love me some lady country musicians. My iPod is loaded with Dolly, Reba, Shania, Carrie, Faith, LeAnn, Dixie Chicks, SheDaisy and the like. So naturally I’m excited for this new Academy of Country Music special celebrating twang-tastic, down-home women. Among the honorees are comeback queens The Judds, icon Loretta Lynn, established workhorses Reba McEntire and Martina McBride, and up-and-comers like Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert and Jennifer Nettles. On top of that there’ll be a whole host of performers, including Vince Gill, Blake Shelton, John Fogerty and Little Big Town. Rascal Flatts is set to duet with Reba. Here’s hoping they sing “Fancy,” my favorite song about hookers.

The Ten Commandments

Saturday 7pm, ABC
It’s Easter weekend, and while you and your juvenile friends could spend the whole thing Peep jousting (easily the best use for those gag-worthy marshmallow “treats”), it’d be a shame if you didn’t set aside a few hours to get religulous with this biblical epic. Cecil B. DeMille’s Oscar-winning spectacle is 55 years old, and it runs nearly four hours. And sure, it looks a little quaint in our post-Avatar cinematic world, but at the time the film was a remarkable accomplishment. Commandments tells the story of Exodus, with Charlton Heston as Moses, plus Yul Brynner, Anne Baxter, Edward G. Robinson and a “cast of thousands!” They just don’t make ’em like this anymore, and if they tried to remake the flick today, it would probably be shortened to three commandments to appeal to the ADD-afflicted ’tween market, and Moses would get GPS directions out of the desert from his iPhone.

“MegaQuake: Hour that Shook Japan”

Sunday 10pm, Discovery
There are really no words that can capture the devastation that Japan has suffered since the March 11 earthquake and resulting tsunami that claimed at least 12,000 lives, destroyed entire towns, and left the country wrestling with a potential nuclear disaster rivaling Chernobyl. This one-hour special documents the catastrophe as it happened, through survivor testimonies and compiled footage of the quake, plus exclusives, like an audio clip from a hydro-acoustic station that recorded the actual sound of a 600 kilometer-long section of the earth’s crust rupturing and, according to a press release, “grinding against rock with the power of 600 million Hiroshima bombs.” 

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Arts

Drama Kings

“Happy Endings”

Wednesday 9:30pm, ABC
The airwaves are flooded with sitcoms right now, and I have a feeling that this one might get dismissed by critics or lost in the shuffle. It certainly isn’t original; a group of friends (three guys, three gals) suffer the trials and tribulations of modern romance, set in motion after one of them bails on a wedding. It’s literally the exact same premise as “Friends,” and the clips suggest that the show is trying way too hard to embed itself into the pop-culture consciousness, with all kinds of goofy made-up words à la “Seinfeld.” Still, its leads have an affable charm about them, including Elisha Cuthbert—everyone’s favorite cougar prey on “24”—as the runaway bride.

“Game of Thrones”

Sunday 9pm, HBO
This adaptation of George R.R. Martin’s epic fantasy-novel series is two parts Lord of the Rings and one part “Dynasty.” “Thrones” is set in a fantastic medieval world filled with astonishing landscapes and larger-than-life kings and knights. Sean Bean (Boromir from Rings) is the stoic and just Ned Stark, forced to leave his family and home after being called to serve the king (Mark Addy, in an unexpectedly dramatic role). Bad career move. Stark soon discovers a multitude of plots to take out the king, most of them at the behest of his venomous queen (Lena Headey, “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”). Of course, the king himself is a usurper, and his predecessor’s children want their crowns back. And that’s not even mentioning the horrifying men and monsters waiting behind The Wall. I’m nearly through the second book in the series. May the show be half as good.

“The Killing”

Sunday 10pm, AMC
If you missed the first few episodes of this riveting crime drama, better catch up quick. Starring Mireille Enos (“Big Love”), Billy Campbell (“Once and Again”), and Michelle Forbes (“True Blood”), “The Killing” methodically follows the investigation of the murder of a teenage girl in Seattle, as well as how the crime affects the victim’s family and community. While everything thus far has been extremely, sometimes painfully realistic (the scene where the parents finally learn the fate of their daughter is particularly brutal), there are already half a dozen mysteries emerging in the case and a certain “Twin Peaks” tone has started to permeate the proceedings. (That’s a good thing.) The stark direction, unadorned dialogue, and superb acting make this a must-watch mystery. 

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Arts

Human Nature

“Extreme Couponing”

Wednesday 9 & 9:30pm, TLC
My couponing skills extend to getting 50 cents off the fancier box of macaroni and cheese. But there are people who take couponing seriously, spending hours every week tracking down thousands of the circulars most of us recycle from the Sunday paper so that they can get a crapload of goods for almost no money. Some of the subjects featured on this new show—which debuted as a highly rated special last year—claim to save up to 90 percent on their grocery bill using coupons, and in some cases, get paid to leave the store with certain merchandise. One woman even credits coupons for allowing her to live totally debt free. (The cameras show her getting $230.38 worth of groceries for $6.92.) In this economy, can any of us afford not to watch?

“Human Planet”

Sunday 8 & 9pm, Discovery
From the folks who brought you 2009’s breathtaking “Planet Earth” and 2010’s slightly less exciting “Life” comes this new six-part documentary series that chronicles how the human race interacts with our planet. You get to see shark callers in Papua New Guinea, reindeer herders in Norway, raptor hunters in Mongolia, icebreakers (using dynamite!) in Ottawa, and people engaged in other totally nutso activities you could never conceive of doing yourself, all in glorious high definition. Also look for footage of what is supposedly a never-been-contacted tribe living in the rain forests of Brazil.

“Law & Order: Los Angeles”

Monday 10pm, NBC
The newest spin-off of the long-running “Law & Order” franchise struggled to find its voice when it debuted last fall, and NBC put it on hiatus while massively retooling the cast. Poor Skeet Ulrich has had a rough go of it with previous TV projects (see: “Miracles,” “Jericho”), and still can’t seem to catch a break. His lead detective character is apparently getting killed, which paves the way for Alfred Molina’s DA character to take back the badge and return to the police force he abandoned to become a lawyer. Also departing the series are Regina Hall and Megan Boone, freeing up space in the DA’s office for Alana de la Garza, whose popular Connie Rubirosa character from the last four seasons of original “L&O” will join the cast. If you liked the original “LO:LA” line-up just fine, check back in around June when several shelved completed episodes will reportedly air. 

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Arts

The stuff of legend

“Body of Proof”

Tuesday 10pm, ABC
Dana Delaney is much missed on “Desperate Housewives,” but you can’t blame the magnetic ginger for wanting a show of her own. In this new procedural (I know, I know…) she plays Megan Hunt, a hotshot neurosurgeon who becomes a medical examiner after a car accident pushes her out of the OR. Solving crimes is admirable, but I’d like to point out that Marvel Comics character Dr. Stephen Strange became the master of the mystical arts after going through pretty much the exact same origin set-up, so Megan might be setting her sights a little low. But medical examiners are usually pretty badass on the “Law & Order” shows, and Delaney is just generally awesome, so this could be good. The show also stars hot Aussie Peter Dunlop as a cop-turned-ME and Jeri Ryan, who somehow continues to get regular acting work despite being awful at it.

“Taxidermy USA”

Thursday 10pm, Discovery
The zeitgeist works in mysterious ways. Ever notice how multiple movies or TV shows with nearly identical premises pop up at the exact same time? Like Deep Impact and Armageddon, the comets-will-destroy-us-all flicks of 1998? There are other examples, but for now, prepare for the age of the taxidermy reality series. Yep, that’s right, shows that go into the ins and outs of stuffing dead animals. In addition to this special, which focuses on three families of taxidermists that stuff everything from African lions to black bears to house cats, there’s another show coming up on the History Channel in a few weeks that’s devoted solely to taxidermists in Alaska. Dude, people are weird.

“The Borgias”

Sunday 9pm, Showtime
Now that “The Tudors” has wrapped up all of its wife-swapping costume drama, Showtime has moved on to another of history’s most infamous families. “The Borgias” tells the (gloriously embellished) story of the family of the same name, Spanish outcasts who clawed their way to the height of power in Renaissance Italy. Award-nominated actor and noted scenery-chewer Jeremy Irons plays Rodrigo Borgia, the patriarch who manipulated himself into the papacy despite the fact that he lied, cheated, whored, and worse. His equally ambitious and morally ambiguous kids were no prizes either; a pair of warring mistresses just adds to the drama, and today the dynasty is renowned for its corruption and ruthlessness. In other words, this should be lots of fun. 

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Arts

The not-so-great depression

“Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen”

Tuesday 10pm, SyFy
Marcel Vigneron was the breakout star of the controversial second season of Bravo’s cooking competition, “Top Chef.” The cocky, crazily-coiffed “molecular gastronomist” (a fancy term for a chef who uses high-tech preparation techniques) was originally portrayed as the series villain, but became the underdog victim after being repeatedly bullied by almost every one of his competitors. He even-tually came in second after flubbing several of his finale dishes, and then made it roughly halfway through the recent “Top Chef All-Stars” season. Now he’s got his own show, in which he and his team of young-turk chefs are tasked with creating inventive menus for demanding clients. Marcel’s not known for playing well with others, or for his self-awareness on camera, but the concept is novel and he does make some cool food.

“Mildred Pierce”

Saturday 9pm, HBO
This new five-part miniseries features some serious Hollywood star power. Director Todd Haynes (Velvet Goldmine, Far From Heaven) adapted the novel and the Oscar-winning film version starring Joan Crawford. Oscar winner Kate Winslet stars in the title role as a middle-class housewife who divorces her cheating, shiftless husband during the Great Depression and becomes self-sufficient, first as a waitress and then as the owner of a string of successful restaurants. Evan Rachel Wood (Thirteen, “True Blood”) plays her spoiled-rotten daughter. Also featured are recent Oscar winner Melissa Leo and reliable character actors Guy Pearce, Hope Davis and Mare Winningham.

“All Together Now: A Celebration of Service”

Monday 8pm, NBC
This special celebrates American volunteers in general, but President George H.W. Bush in particular, for his work in promoting public service in the United States. You might recall that Bush pushed the “thousand points of light” initiative during his presidency, encouraging citizens to get involved with various community organizations. H.W. will be joined on the show by the other three living ex-presidents, his son Dubya, Bill Clinton, and Jimmy Carter, the former no stranger to volunteerism given his longtime association with Habitat for Humanity. Also look for performances by Sheryl Crow, Reba McEntire, Brad Paisley, Kid Rock, Carrie Underwood, Garth Brooks (where the hell has he been?) and Cee Lo Green. God willing, Green will sport the same skinned-Muppet outfit from the Grammys and look directly at the Bush family during a rousing rendition of his hit, “Fuck You.” 

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Arts

I know you are, but what am I?

“Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump”

Tuesday 10:30pm, Comedy Central
The worst-coiffed man in America is still somehow culturally relevant—and a hell of a lot wealthier than you or me—so he must be doing something right. Among the people roasting the perhaps future Virginia vintner will be comedians Whitney Cummings, Jeffrey Ross and Lisa Lampanelli, current “Celebrity Apprentice” candidate Marlee Matlin (what about Season 2 winner, comedy legend Joan Rivers?), Larry King, Snoop Dogg, and, to pull in the teen/Neanderthal viewership, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from “Jersey Shore.” Seth MacFarlane (“Family Guy”) serves as roast master.

“The Pee-wee Herman Show”

Saturday 10pm, HBO
Although performance artist Paul Reubens is a controversial figure, his greatest creation, Pee-wee Herman, will go down in history as one of pop culture’s most creative characters. How can you even try to encapsulate the whimsy and weirdness of his “Pee-wee’s Playhouse” children’s show that ran in the ’80s? Last year Reubens brought Pee-wee and friends back for limited theater engagements in both L.A. and on Broadway, where HBO taped this special. The set is almost an exact replica of the Playhouse, and all of your favorites are back: Chairy, Jambi, Conky, handsy Miss Yvonne (played by the original actress!), and Cowboy Curtis (sadly not Laurence Fishburne), plus some new characters, including a dancing mute bear. How will he scream when someone says the word of the day?!

“Dancing with the Stars”

Monday 8pm, ABC
The story behind the 12th season of the reality-dance competition isn’t who is on the cast, but who the producers couldn’t get. Self-destructive movie star Lindsay Lohan has been on the wish list for seasons, but again passed it up (apparently her schedule is too full of nothing and court dates; stupid move, Linds, because Charlie Sheen just jacked your seed). And Christine O’Donnell, the controversial Tea Party candidate from Delaware, was also reportedly asked to fill the Bristol Palin Memorial Right-Wing Nutjob spot, but declined. So instead we’re stuck with a lackluster bunch that includes boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard, wrestler Chris Jericho, Playboy model and tabloid fixture Kendra Wilkinson, original “Karate Kid” Ralph Macchio, talk-show host and wig fan Wendy Williams, and the one bright light in a sea of boring, Kirstie Alley, who is somehow 60 years old. 

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Arts

Girly shows

“The Bachelor”

Monday­ 8pm, ABC
Back in 2007 Brad Womack—the bar-owning slab of beefcake selected as the lead in the 11th season of the long-lived “Bachelor” franchise—pissed off lonely women across the nation when he decided not to enter into a doomed public relationship with either of his final two gal pals. This season Womack came back and went through the whole dog-and-pony show again (that was mean; some of the girls were very pretty this time), and tonight he’s back to picking from the final two, which includes executive assistant Chantal and event planner Emily. I’m horrible, so I’m pulling for him to dump them both again. But because karma’s a bitch—and everyone loves a twist—I wouldn’t be surprised if the girl he picks ends up dumping him.

“Beverly Hills Fabulous"

Monday 10pm, VH1
This new documentary series is best described as a hybrid of “Blow Out” and “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” “Fabulous” follows Elgin Charles, a renowned hair stylist who caters primarily to an upscale African-American clientele in his Rodeo Drive salon. Charles’ staff is filled with sassy stylists and sidekicks eager to fling some quips—or shade—at the camera, even as Charles is trying to expand his business. The supertrailer promises hair battles, tranny taser fights, ill-considered recording sessions and, most exciting, an appearance by Charles’s ex-wife Jackee Harry, forever in my heart due to her roles in “227” and Ladybugs. (Mine was a sad childhood.)

“All About Aubrey”

Monday 10pm, Oxygen
In a world where the Kardashians are paid tens of millions of dollars per year for basically doing nothing, Aubrey O’Day looks like a Barbra Streisand–level talent in comparison. O’Day attained C-level fame when she was cast as part of Puff Daddy’s girl group Danity Kane on the MTV reality series “Making the Band.” Kane had a couple minor hits (“Damaged” is totally on my gym playlist), but O’Day is most notable for two things: getting her ass fired by Diddy on national television, and frequently going out in public dressed like a baby clown, which led to her escandalo victory over heavily favored wacktress Tilda Swington in the 2009 Fug Madness championship. (Google it.) Now O’Day is back with her own reality show chronicling her attempts to claw her way back into the spotlight, and she’s so desperate that it might just work.

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Arts

Let's go crazy

“The Essentials”

Saturday­ 8pm, TCM
If you don’t get enough Alec Baldwin in your life via “30 Rock” (and really, who could ever get enough Alec Baldwin?), the gravel-voiced actor also hosts this series of classic films along with Turner Classic Movies fixture Robert Osborne. This weekend marks Baldwin’s third season in the co-pilot seat, from which he and Osborne select 30 must-see films from the TCM vault. The 2011 season kicks off with the Paul Newman prison film Cool Hand Luke. Coming up look for Mildred Pierce, Hannah and Her Sisters, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Sunset Blvd., Gunga Din, Bringing Up Baby, Kiss of the Spider Woman, An American in Paris and a bunch more. If you’re trying to catch up on your cinema history, skip Netflix and watch these for free. Bonus: you get to spend Saturday night with a certain silver fox.

“The Celebrity Apprentice”

Sunday 9pm, NBC
Oh, how I lust to hear Donald Trump say the words, “NeNe Leakes, you’re hired!” I know that won’t happen, but here’s hoping the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” spitfire can last a few rounds, just to torment Star Jones. Those train wrecks are just two in the cast of crazies assembled for this third “celebrity” outing of the flailing reality competition. Joining them will be the usual assortment of models, faded sports stars, and has-been actors and musicians, including baseball player/steroid aficionado Jose Canseco, crunkster Lil Jon, Oscar-winner Marlee Matlin, the insane Gary Busey, Grammy winner and friend to psychics Dionne Warwick, rocker/actor Meat Loaf, and the indefinable LaToya Jackson. I’m predicting a final two of Jones (remember, she was a lawyer) and original “Survivor” winner Richard Hatch (presuming there’s no paying-taxes challenge).

“The Event”

Monday 9pm, NBC
If you had any interest in this mystery/drama, now’s the time to tune in. “The Event” started off with lots of hype and big ratings, people drawn in by the promise of a show that mixed the mind-bending sci-fi of “Lost” with the gripping action and conspiracy theories of “24.” Well, that didn’t quite pan out. The show about clandestine nearly human aliens lost its way almost immediately after the promising pilot, and ratings plummeted by the time the last original episode aired at the end of November. The show runners swear they’ve listened to the criticism and promise that the new episodes—which start this week—will offer up a steady diet of big twists and big answers.