Author: kent-williams

Hollywoodland
R, 126 minutes
Regal Downtown Cinema 6

Where were you the day Kennedy was shot?
    For those of us just a little too young to answer that question, there’s a pretty good chance we were in the living room, watching “The Adventures of Superman” on TV. Surely we got shoved out of the way when it came time for JFK Jr. to salute his Commander in Chief, but there was always the next day, when the Man of Steel would once again drop into our homes, dispensing truth, justice and the American way. To us 7-year-old kids, who hadn’t quite gotten around to seeing any Bergman films, George Reeves seemed like the greatest actor of all time—just look how deftly he handles those fascinating quick-changes between Superman and Clark Kent! Only later would we learn that the Superman costume was padded, that Reeves resented the role that brought him his 15 minutes of fame, and that he’d taken his own life when those 15 minutes were up. With a speeding bullet, no less! Say it ain’t so, George.
    Well, it ain’t necessarily so. At least that’s the premise behind Hollywoodland, Allen Coulter’s noirish investigation into the circumstances surrounding Reeves’ death on June 16, 1959. Drawing on the work of Charlottesville’s own Sam Kashner and Nancy Schoenberger—whose 1996 book, Hollywood Kryptonite, left no stone unturned in its determination to dig up a scandal—Hollywoodland presents various scenarios by which Reeves might have wound up in the upstairs bedroom of his Benedict Canyon home, naked and lying in a pool of his own blood. But what the movie is really about is the price of fame—that long, sad walk down the boulevard of broken dreams. Reeves had gone to Hollywood with an eye toward becoming a big-time movie star (a goal that must have seemed tantalizingly close after he landed a small part in Gone With the Wind). Instead, he became a small-time syndicated-TV star, prancing around the set in his underwear, the Lucy Lawless of his time.
    Most of us would have settled—but Reeves wanted Clark Gable’s career. Unfortunately, he didn’t have Gable’s charisma, which is one of the reasons Ben Affleck is the perfect actor to play him. Having endured his own career setbacks, Affleck no longer seems like the freshly scrubbed kid who brought his mom to help him pick up his scriptwriting Oscar for Good Will Hunting. And he’s put on a few pounds, as well, beefing up to convey Reeves’ seam-busting fleshiness. But he also has just enough charm to suggest that, given the right roles, Affleck might be allotted another 15 minutes. As an actor, he still lacks depth, which keeps the movie from building up much dramatic force—but Reeves may have lacked depth, too. And there’s something fascinating about watching a second-rate actor portray a second-rate actor. You never know where being a second-rate actor ends and playing a second-rate actor begins.
    Affleck does manage some first-rate acting in the scenes where Reeves, having escaped the cornfields of Iowa, is just getting started in Hollywood. He was a man on the make, and the movie adopts a screwball-comedy tone as he slides his way up the greasy pole. Along the way, he meets Toni Mannix, a studio executive’s wife given the fading-beauty treatment by Diane Lane, whose own beauty hasn’t dimmed so much as enriched its glow. She and Affleck are surprisingly good at putting over the snappy dialogue, which seems not so much Raymond Chandler as Chandler Bing. And we’d be content to watch these two lovebirds feather their nest, happily ever after (or at least for two hours and six minutes). But theirs wasn’t a conventional relationship, to say the least. Reeves was essentially a kept man, and the whole arrangement was preapproved by Mannix’s husband, Eddie (Bob Hoskins), an MGM Mr. Fix-It with alleged mob connections.
    There’s an amusing only-in-Hollywood scene where Reeves and his mistress go out to dinner with her husband and his mistress. (“That picture made money,” the executive bean-counter says when Gone With the Wind comes up.) And because Reeves’ life apparently wasn’t quite sordid enough, Coulter and scriptwriter Paul Bernbaum have conjured up Louis Simo, a down-on-his-luck private investigator played by The Pianist’s Adrien Brody. Smelling a big score (although what, exactly, would be in it for him?), Simo starts sniffing around Reeves’ alleged suicide, trying to turn smoke into fire. We’re supposed to see him as Reeves without the lucky breaks, a tick clinging to Hollywood’s matted-fur underbelly. But Brody, with his finely chiseled features and slight European air, is perhaps the least scuzzy gumshoe of all time. Is this the kind of guy who would slip a coroner a double sawbuck for a private viewing?
    Even if he were, Hollywoodland might have left us wanting a little more. Coulter has put a lot of effort into recapturing the look and feel of the day Superman died—the cars, the bars, the lime-green/lemon-yellow flavors, everything slightly bleached by the relentless sun. But he has trouble squaring that with the noir atmosphere he’s also trying to create. The movie seems less hardboiled than over-easy, which is why it doesn’t really bear comparison with Chinatown and L.A. Confidential, two movies that succeeded in plumbing the shallow depths of La-La Land. And the possibility—or various possibilities—that Reeves was murdered? The filmmakers, like the authors of Hollywood Kryptonite, seem to believe that, because some people had it in for him, they went ahead and done him in. Sound familiar? Kennedy conspiracy theorists will have no problem with that line of thinking.
    Alas, Reeves was no Kennedy. He was just another good-looking guy with more ambition than talent, not unlike half the waiters in Hollywood. At the time of his death, he was contemplating a career in exhibition wrestling. All he had to do was pass the audition, lose some weight and get back into shape. What more do you need to know?

All the King’s Men (PG-13, 120 minutes) Robert Penn Warren’s classic novel (filmed once before in 1949 with Broderick Crawford and John Ireland) returns to the big screen with a brand new, all-star cast. Based loosely on the life of Governor Huey Long of Louisiana, the film follows the rise and fall of populist political animal Willie Stark (Sean Penn). Though our politician is a self-described “hick,” he isn’t above playing dirty—a tactic that causes much consternation in his right-hand man (played by Jude Law). Kate Winslet, Patricia Clarkson, James Gandolfini, Mark Ruffalo and Anthony Hopkins round out the credits. (Devin D. O’Leary) Coming Friday; check local listings

Bandidas (PG-13, 93 minutes) Penél-ope Cruz and Salma Hayek star in the femme version of Young Guns as written (but not directed by) French action stylist Luc Besson. As a director, Besson has given us a few classics (La Femme Nikita, The Professional, The Fifth Element). As a writer, he sticks to pure B-movie pulp (The Transporter, Unleashed, District B13). This one’s no exception. Sure, it’s great seeing two Latina hotties play wild West bank robbers; but the film is pure cartoonish hokum. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

The Black Dahlia (R, 121 minutes) Author James Ellroy’s pitch-black examination of Hollywood history focuses on the infamous 1947 murder of wannabe actress Elizabeth Short. Josh Hartnett and Aaron Eckhart play the Los Angeles detectives assigned to the case. Scarlett Johansson and Hilary Swank are just a couple of the fatal femmes whose paths they cross. Director Brian De Palma (Mission: Impossible, Scarface) keeps things glossy and pulpy, but the cast isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Not as good as the last Ellroy adaptation, L.A. Confidential, but a class bit of film noir nonetheless. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Boynton Beach Club (NR, 105 minutes) Joseph Bologna, Dyan Cannon, Sally Kellerman and Brenda Vaccaro (wow, it’s like opening night at Studio 54 in here!) star in this romantic comedy for the over-50 set. Our characters all live in an “active adult” community in Florida. Their lives intersect when they meet at a local bereavement club. Before long, love and romance are sprouting up all over the old age home! (D.O.) Playing at Vinegar Hill Theatre

The Covenant (PG-13, 97 minutes) Once a Hollywood player (Die Hard 2, Cliffhanger), now a bit of a pariah (Cutthroat Island, Mindhunters), Finnish director Renny Harlin tries his hand at cheap teen horror. In this modestly budgeted supernatural thriller, four teens are bestowed with ancient mystical powers by their families. In the process, they accidentally unleash an otherworldly evil force and are charged with hunting it down. It’s basically The Craft, only with hot boys instead of hot girls. Adapted from the graphic novel by Aron Coleite and Tone Rodriguez. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Crank (R, 83 minutes) British tough Jason Statham (The Transporter) stars in this action thriller as a hit man who learns he has been injected with a poison that will kill him if his heart rate drops below below a certain rate. So basically, it’s Speed on a … well, on foot. Oddball cast includes Efren Ramirez (Napoleon Dynamite), Amy Smart (Varsity Blues) and Dwight Yoakam. The action is rough and the film (fortunately) doesn’t take itself too seriously. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Crossover (PG-13, 95 minutes) Two pals (one a pre-med student, the other an ex-con) enter a rough-and-tumble, trash-talking streetball tournament in Los Angeles. Think White Men Can’t Jump, but without the white guy. If you play a lot of NBA Ballers on the Xbox, this may be the flick for you. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Everyone’s Hero (G) Weeks after we’ve all suffered CGI toon burnout comes yet another CGI toon. This one’s an adventure comedy about a young boy who goes on a 1,000-mile quest (with a talking baseball, no less) to rescue Babe Ruth’s stolen bat. Brain Dennehy, Whoopi Goldberg, Ed Helms, William H. Macy, Raven Symone and Rob Reiner are among the not-terribly-exciting voice cast. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Flyboys (PG-13) This resolutely old- fashioned, airborne action flick takes us back to the days of World War I where we get to watch cute young stud James Franco (Spider-Man) join up with the famed Lafayette Escadrille to fight the evil Red Baron (just like Snoopy). The film mixes every war movie cliché together with some state-of-the-art CGI. At least the WWI dogfights look impressive (if you’re into WWI dogfights). Plus, it features copious use of the word “fokker.” (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

Gridiron Gang (PG-13) Wrestlin’ thespian The Rock finally finds a project worth being passionate about with this inspirational sports drama. Rock plays Sean Porter, a real-life counselor at California juvenile detention facility. Tired of seeing the near-perfect recidivism rate, Porter tries an alternative approach, forming a high school football team from among his ragtag gangbangers. The “root for the underdogs” stuff is all standard-issue, but director Phil Joanou (U2: Rattle and Hum) lends some visual polish. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

The Illusionist (PG-13, 110 minutes) Edward Norton stars as a magician who, because of his apparent supernatural powers, becomes a threat to the Hapsburg empire in fin-de-siècle Vienna. The movie’s a love triangle that’s supposed to stir our passions, but it doesn’t quite get the job done, partly because Norton lacks hypnotic appeal and partly because the whole thing seems to be taking place inside a cardboard box. (Kent Williams) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Invincible (PG, 104 minutes) Vince Papale (Mark Wahlberg) was a down-on-his-luck bartender who, back in 1976, at the not-so-tender age of 30, got added to the Philadelphia Eagles roster without having played college football. Director Ericson Core lays it on pretty thick at times, but the movie has some times-was-bad grit, and Wahlberg’s performance is admirably restrained. (K.W.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Jackass Number Two (PG-13, 103 minutes) Sigh… Yes. They made a second one. Teenagers who love to pour hot sauce in their eyes, jump off buildings and kick each other in the nuts are super friggin’ stoked! Everyone else simply continues to mourn the slow, steady death of civilization. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

Jet Li’s Fearless (PG-13, 103 minutes) Allegedly Jet Li’s final martial arts film (say it ain’t so, Jet!), this historical kung fu film was a major hit in its native China. Li plays the legendary Chinese martial arts hero Master Huo Yuanjia, the founder and spiritual guru of the Jin Wu sports federation (basically, the first organization to pit fighters agaisnt one another in one-on-one bouts). It ain’t a whole lot different than his other historical fight films (like Once Upon a Time in China) But the occassionally witty fight choreography keeps things punchy. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

The Last Kiss (R) TV’s Zach Braff stars in this remake of the 2001 Italian comic drama of the same name. Braff plays a 30-something dude who knocks up his girlfriend (Jacinda Barrett) and can’t decide whether or not to marry her—even with the meddling help of parents and friends. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Little Miss Sunshine (R, 100 minutes) This pitch-black comedy features a strong cast (Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette,  Steve Carell) in the story of a downwardly mobile Albuquerque family that can’t win for losing. Although the filmmakers sometimes press too hard on their theme about the hollowness of the American Dream, the movie often achieves a light, farcical tone that’s touchingly at odds with the mood everybody’s in. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (PG-13, 150 minutes) Call it a nasty case of sequelitis, but this second installment in the Disney theme-park franchise is bigger, louder and absolutely determined to entertain. The action sequences more or less work, but the smaller, goofier moments come up short, and that includes Johnny Depp’s surprisingly unsurprising performance as Captain Jack Sparrow. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

The Protector (R, 109 minutes) Tony Jaa, the martial arts jaw-dropper from Ong-Bak returns in this Thailand-based action flick. Like Ong-Bak, the plot is a mere excuse for tons of bruising Muay Thai fisticuffs. In this one, Jaa plays a young Thai villager who must travel to Australia to retrieve a sacred elephant from some evil kidnappers. A little bit of a retread, but—man-oh-man—can that Tony Jaa kick some ass! In English, Thai, Mandarin and Vietnamese with English subtitles. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (PG-13, 100 minutes) Will Ferrell drags a bunch of pals  (John C. Reilly, Michael Clarke Duncan, Gary Cole, Sacha Baron Cohen) along for this goofball riff on NASCAR culture. Ferrell stars as a rebel NASCAR driver who suddenly faces stiff competition from a flamboyant French Formula-1 driver (Cohen from “Da Ali G Show”). There’s a continuing feeling that Farrell and friends are just making this thing up as they go along, but that doesn’t stop it form beeing quite funny on occasion. If you liked Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, you’ll be in good hands here, becasue it’s largely the same movie. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Trust the Man (R, 103 minutes) Two middle-aged cads (David Duchovny and Billy Crudup) fight to save their respective relationships after years of lying, cheating and trial separations. Director Bart Freundlich (The Myth of Fingerprints) recruits a lot of celebrity pals (Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ellen Barkin, Eva Mendes, Garry Shandling, wife Julianne Moore) for a minor but affable variation on the typical romantic comedy formula. The serio-comic plot is as predictable as any, but the actors are top-shelf and the script genrates a decent amount of sympathy for its characters. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

The Wicker Man (PG-13, 106 minutes) Nicolas Cage stars in this remake of the underrated 1973 British chiller. Cage is a cop investigating the disappearance of a young girl on a remote island where mysterious pagan practices still rule. The film updates the original story quite a bit, but piles on even more creepy atmosphere. Neil LaBute (The Shape of Things, Your Friends & Neighbors) writes and directs. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

A Scanner Darkly (R, 100 minutes) Adapting the books and short stories of Philip K. Dick is no easy task. Blade Runner is about the only good one and it has very little to do with Dick’s original novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Nonetheless, Richard Linklater (Slacker, Dazed and Confused, Before Sunset) tries to infuse as much Dickian weirdness, paranoia and drug references as possible into this bleak, dreamlike animated feature. Keanu Reeves stars as either a drug addict living in near-future California or a high-tech undercover narcotics agent spying on the addict (or both, maybe). It’s all a little hard to work out, because the film revels in the confusing and obscure. Still, the unusual rotoscope animation is very cool, and the entire exercise appropriately psychedelic. Winona Ryder, Robert Downey Jr. and Woody Harrelson are also in there (in animated form). (Devin O’Leary) Coming Friday; check local listings

Accepted (PG-13, 90 minutes) Unable to get into college, an enterprising young man (Justin Long from those Mac computer commercials) invents his own fake college in order to fool his overzealous parents. In time, other slacker students flock to him, forcing the opening of a “real” fake school. This one basically throws Ferris Bueller, Animal House and Old School into a cocktail shaker and mixes generously. Earns a few laughs and a barely passing grade. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Barnyard (PG, 90 minutes) The summer of CGI toons continues. Here, writer/director Steve Oedekerk (Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist) spins a tale of what happens in the barnyard when the farmer’s away. At first it’s all fun and games, but eventually a carefree cow named Otis (Kevin James) has to accept some responsibility and start running the farm. Voice cast includes Courteney Cox, Sam Elliot, Danny Glover, Andie MacDowell and the suddenly ubiquitous Wanda Sykes (who kicked of the summer with the CGI toon Over the Hedge). The film is harmless enough, but a lot of people are kinda freaked out by the fact that Otis has udders. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Beerfest (R, 110 minutes) From the Broken Lizard comedy team (makers of Super Troopers and…The Dukes of Hazzard, but we’ll ignore that for now) comes this raucous laugher about a team of determined drinkers that travels to Oktoberfest in Germany. There, they uncover a centuries-old secret competition, the Olympics of beer guzzling. And these boys aren’t leaving until the crown rests in American hands. Boobies and substance abuse—how can you go wrong? (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Crank (R) British tough Jason Statham (The Transporter) stars in this action thriller as a hit man who learns he has been injected with a poison that will kill him if his heart rate drops below below a certain rate. So basically, it’s Speed on a … well, on foot. Oddball cast includes Efran Ramirez (Napoleon Dynamite), Amy Smart (Varsity Blues) and Dwight Yoakam. The action is rough and the film (fortunately) doesn’t take itself too seriously. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

Crossover (PG-13, 95 minutes) Two pals (one a pre-med student, the other an ex-con) enter a rough-and-tumble, trash-talking streetball tournament in Los Angeles. Think White Men Can’t Jump, but without the white guy. If you play a lot of NBA Ballers on the Xbox, this may be the flick for you. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

The Devil Wears Prada (PG-13) This fashion-industry comedy stars Anne Hathaway as an aspiring journalist who winds up as a gopher for Meryl Streep’s boss-from-hell, but the two of them aren’t allowed to get much going, Streep’s ice-cold performance getting stranded on the runway. The movie could have been an enjoyable romp; instead, it’s as earnest as Wall Street, only with frocks instead of stocks. (Kent Williams) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

How to Eat Fried Worms (PG, 98 minutes) More than a few generations of elementary school kids have grown up reading Thomas Rockwell’s gross-out classic How To Eat Fried Worms (first published in 1973). Now it comes to life on the big screen. Luke Benward (Because of Winn-Dixie) stars as Billy, an ordinary fifth-grader who accepts an ugly challenge from the school bully: eat 15 worms in 15 days. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Idlewild (R, 90 minutes) This Prohibition-era musical is set in the American South where Outkast members André 3000 and Big Boi star as a speakeasy performer and a club manager who run afoul of some gangsters who want to take over their juke joint. The music is hot and the look is slick, but the film has been sitting on the shelf for nearly two years. An oddball mixture of music, dancing, animation and singing morticians (don’t ask), make this a curious offering, if nothing else. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Invincible (PG) Remember Rock Star, the inspired-by-a-true-story in which Mark Wahlberg played an ordinary dude who got to try out for his favorite rock band? Well, here we have an inspired-by-a-true-story in which Mark Wahlberg plays an ordinary dude who gets to try out for his favorite football team. Terribly inspirational if you’re the type to be inspired by the usual underdog sports movie. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Little Miss Sunshine (R, 100 minutes) This pitch-black comedy features a strong cast (Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette,  Steve Carell) in the story of a downwardly mobile Albuquerque family that can’t win for losing. Although the filmmakers sometimes press too hard on their theme about the hollowness of the American Dream, the movie often achieves a light, farcical tone that’s touchingly at odds with the mood everybody’s in. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Material Girls (PG, 98 minutes) Hilary and Hayley Duff star in this minor variation on the Hilton sisters myth. The sisters play heiresses to a family cosmetics fortune who are given a wake-up call when a scandal and ensuing investigation strip them of their wealth. Suddenly, our celebutantes are living “The Simple Life.” I’m sure they both learn a valuable lesson. If you’re not a 12-year-old girl, you shouldn’t even be reading this capsule. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (PG-13, 150 minutes) Call it a nasty case of sequelitis, but this second installment in the Disney theme-park franchise is bigger, louder and absolutely determined to entertain. The action sequences more or less work, but the smaller, goofier moments come up short, and that includes Johnny Depp’s surprisingly unsurprising performance as Captain Jack Sparrow. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Pulse (R, 87 minutes) This nearly shot-for-shot remake of Kiyoshi Kurosawa’s haunting 2001 film Kairo replaces the original Asian cast with the usual group of teen TV stars (Kristen Bell from “Veronica Mars,” Ian Somerhalder from “Lost”) and tries a little harder to explain what the hell’s going on. It all has something to do with a suicide, a computer virus and a whole hell of a lot of ghosts. Despite a consistantly creepy mood, the slow-going film can’t quite match the original’s surreal freakiness. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Scoop (PG-13, 96 minutes) The newly revitalized Woody Allen continues to pump out the films. His new muse, Scarlett Johannson, stars as an American journalism student who falls in love with a handsome aristocrat (Hugh Jackman), who just happens to be the prime suspect in a string of serial killings. It’s a little scary to see Allen stepping back in front of the camera (he plays a bumbling magician helping our gal reporter in her investigation), but at least he hasn’t cast himself as the romantic lead. Considerably funnier than Match Point, but not quite as brilliant. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Snakes on a Plane (R, 106 minutes) Really, what could I possibly add? It’s mother*&#$@ing snakes on a mother*&#$@ing plane! Get yourself to a mother*&#$@ing theater! (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Step Up (PG-13, 98 minutes) You know that film where the uptight, classically trained dancer chick hooks up with the street-smart bad boy to wow the establishment with their radical mixture of ballet and hip-hop while falling in love with one another? Well, this is one of those. If you paid good money for Save the Last Dance, you’ll probably do the same here. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (PG-13, 100 minutes) Will Ferrell drags a bunch of pals  (John C. Reilly, Michael Clarke Duncan, Gary Cole, Sacha Baron Cohen) along for this goofball riff on NASCAR culture. Ferrell stars as a rebel NASCAR driver who suddenly faces stiff competition from a flamboyant French Formula-1 driver (Cohen from “Da Ali G Show”). There’s a continuing feeling that Ferrell and friends are just making this thing up as they go along, but that doesn’t stop it form beeing quite funny on occasion. If you liked Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, you’ll be in good hands here, becasue it’s largely the same movie. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

The Wicker Man (PG-13, 106 minutes) Nicolas Cage stars in this remake of the underrated 1973 British chiller. Cage is a cop investigating the disappearance of a young girl on a remote island where mysterious pagan practices still rule. The film updates the original story quite a bit, but piles on even more creepy atmosphere. Neil LaBute (The Shape of Things, Your Friends & Neighbors) writes and directs. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

World Trade Center (PG-13, 125 minutes) Oliver Stone strips away even the slightest hint of politics to tell the true story of two New York Port Authority policemen trapped in the rubble of the World Trade Center collapse. At its heart an inspirational disaster film, the simple narrative concentrates on the officers (Nicolas Cage, Michael Pena) and their terrified wives (Maggie Gyllenhaal, Maria Bello). This moving and deeply personal tale takes us back to 9/11 not to recall the trauma of that day, but to remind us that it was originally a human story and not a tale of governments, occupying forces and insurgents. There are a lot of Oscar nominations in this one. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Monster House
PG, 91 minutes
Now playing at Carmike Cinema 6

For some reason, live-action films now aspire to be cartoons, and cartoons aspire to be live-action films. And then there are those weird hybrids. Monster House, like last year’s The Polar Express, started with live actors, who were required to wear special suits embedded with thousands of tiny reflectors. The performances were digitally recorded, then animators used the reflectors as reference points, constructing animated characters that would have the fluidity of motion that human characters have. Or so the theory goes. Myself, I found these characters to be a little marionette-like—but then there would come this moment where, like Pinocchio, they suddenly seemed realer than real. It’s creepy.
    And so is Monster House. Ostensibly for kids, it’s a haunted-house movie in which the house itself is the monster, gobbling up anyone who happens to step past the property line, especially on Halloween. But the kid who lives across the street, a Harry Potterish youngster named DJ (Mitchell Musso), can’t stay away. Along with his Ron-like sidekick, Chowder (Sam Lerner), and their new Hermione-esque friend, Jenny (Spencer Locke), he launches an assault on the old place armed only with Super-Soakers. But first they have to get past the decrepit man who lives there, an Oscar the Grouch with bloodshot eyes and cadaverous skin played by—who else?—Steve Buscemi.
    “Motion capture” more than proved its usefulness in Lord of the Rings and King Kong, where Andy Serkis gave a captivating performances as both a 90-pound weakling and an 8,000-pound gorilla. Here it’s used to create characters who look like they’ve just stepped out of a children’s storybook. The movie gains momentum, but loses focus, when the kids enter the morphing house. But before that it has a nice early Spielberg flavor, thanks in part to a very kid-savvy script by Dan Harmon, Ron Schrab and Pamela Pettler. There’s also some lovely artwork, as in the film’s opening, where a leaf drifts to the sidewalk, only to be run over by a tyke on a trike on her way to wherever. But here’s the real question: Why isn’t this scary little movie coming out in late October?

Strangers with Candy
R, 97 minutes
Now playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

I suppose I should tell you to beware of Strangers with Candy. It’s nowhere near as good as the Comedy Central show it’s derived from. But those of us who used to set our clocks by the demented misadventures of Jerri Blank—“a boozer, a user and a loser” who, after a lengthy stay in prison, takes another swing at high school, having struck out the first time—will accept whatever comes our way. And that’s what sent me running out to see this strangely disappointing movie, a lost episode that remains to be found. The good news is that Amy Sedaris, the woman who yanked Jerri from the far reaches of her fetid imagination, is in top form, scoring laughs off her face alone: that vicious overbite, the nervous eye tic, the ski-jump hairdo. Unless you’ve caught one of her hilarious “Letterman” appearances, where she shares her own demented misadventures, you’d never know that Sedaris is actually quite attractive. But what makes her such a great comedian is her willingness to let things get ugly.
    That was the TV show’s strength as well. Taking off from those ‘70s after-school specials where, when life dealt you lemons, you made Lemon Pledge, it showed us just how bad high school can be—wave upon wave of intense boredom, punctuated by random acts of senseless cruelty. And the movie version doesn’t let up a bit, sending Jerri back into the educational sausage factory, where she spends half her time sucking up to the cool kids, the other half warding off blows. And rest assured, she remains a rather dim bulb. When Principal Blackman (Grey Hollimon, as amusingly deranged as ever) asks her what her I.Q. is, she doesn’t miss a beat. “Pisces,” she replies. And yet she winds up competing in the annual science fair, an intramural wrestling match that brings out the worst in everybody—and I mean that in a good way. Still, you have to wonder: Is this the best the filmmakers could come up with? A science fair? Do schools even have science fairs anymore?
    Paul Dinello (who also directed) and Stephen Colbert (who co-wrote the script with Dinello and Sedaris) are back as Mr. Jellineck and Mr. Noblet—a priggish pair whose office romance is a secret to nobody but themselves. And a number of big-name actors—Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, and even Philip Seymour Hoffman, who acts like he just stopped by to have his parking ticket validated—put in appearances. But nobody can seem to lift this thing out of what appears to be a bad case of the doldrums. Dinello gives many of the scenes a shadowy noir look, which makes no sense at all. And the comic bits, though often amusing, don’t build. Except for the script, which contains some wonderfully wicked lines—“I need more out of this relationship than I’m willing to put in,” Noblet tells Jellinek—the movie seems to have been flung together on a couple of spare weekends. And that’s too bad, because Jerri Blank, the buck-toothed poster girl for No Child Left Behind, deserves much, much more.

The Ant Bully (PG) The summer of CGI toons continues. In this family fantasy, a young boy is magically reduced to micro-size after flooding an ant colony with his squirt gun. Our wee protagonist is then dragged into the ant colony and sentenced to hard labor for his trangressions. Eventually, of course, he learns a valuable lesson. Nicolas Cage, Paul Giamatti, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin and Bruce Campbell are among the impressive voice cast. Based on the kids book by John Nickle. (Devin O’Leary) Coming Friday; check local listings

Cars (G, 116 minutes) Pixar blows us away yet again with an animated story of a NASCAR hotrod (voiced by Owen Wilson) who needs to take the “I” out of “TEAM.” Only by the amazingly high standards set by Toy Story, Finding Nemo and The Incredibles does the movie come up a little short. (Kent Williams) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Clerks II (R) After a brief, fruitless foray into mainstream romantic comedy (Jersey Girl), Kevin Smith returns to his roots: shooting a foul-mouthed low-budget comedy with a few of his friends. It’s been a few years since we last saw Dante and Randall. Their older now, but not necessarily wiser, having landed jobs at the local fast-food establishment. Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jason Mewes, Ethan Suplee, Jason Lee and other longtime Smith compatriots return for more ensemble fun. There’s actually a bit of story this time around, but the emphasis is on blistering pop culture humor. (It’s Lord of the Rings versus Star Wars now.) (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Click (PG-13, 86 minutes) Adam Sandler is a harried family man (welcome to the realm of Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin, Mr. Sandler) who finds a magical remote control. Get this: With it, he can pause stuff and fast forward it and mute it. Why he could fast-forward a fight with his wife or slo-mo that jogging girl with the big boobies. My god, that plot is clever enough to be a light beer commercial! (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

The Da Vinci Code (PG-13, 149 minutes) Ron Howard’s movie version of Dan Brown’s religious-mystery novel, in which a Harvard professor (Tom Hanks) and a Parisian cryptographer (Audrey Tautou) try to track down the Holy Grail while being pursued by a crazed albino monk (Paul Bettany), fails to get a decent spook going, à la The Exorcist or The Omen. Howard has illustrated the book beautifully, but he hasn’t wrestled with it, made it his own. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

The Devil Wears Prada (PG-13, 106 minutes) This fashion-industry comedy stars Anne Hathaway as an aspiring journalist who winds up as a gopher for Meryl Streep’s boss-from-hell, but the two of them aren’t allowed to get much going, Streep’s ice-cold performance getting stranded on the runway. The movie could have been an enjoyable romp; instead, it’s as earnest as Wall Street, only with frocks instead of stocks. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

An Inconvenient Truth (PG) Al Gore, now exuding a self-deprecating folksiness, makes the case for global warming in a documentary that may be the most alarming dog-and-pony show of all time. Using charts and graphs and even the occasional “Simpsons”-like cartoon, Gore lays out his argument, and the result is a sneak preview of “a nature hike through the Book of Revelations.” (K.W.) Playing at Vinegar Hill Theatre

John Tucker Must Die (PG-13, 87 minutes) Three vindictive ex-girlfriends of a serial cheater (Jesse Metcalf from “Desperate Housewives”) come up with a plan for revenge. They’ll set him up to fall in love with the new girl in town, just so they can watch his heart get broken. Your basic teen-aimed romantic comedy filled with as much PG-13 sexual innuendo as director Betty Thomas (Private Parts, Doctor Dolittle, I Spy) could cram between the credits. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

Lady in the Water (PG-13) At this point you either love or hate writer/director M. Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village). In this dark, twist-laden (of course) fantasy, the superintendent (Paul Giamatti) of a run-down apartment complex discovers a mysterious woman (Bryce Dallas Howard) in the apartment’s pool. Turns out she’s actually a fairy tale character who has escaped from a bedtime story. Unfortunately, she’s not the only one who has escaped from the story. Interesting, but definitely not as scary as you’re thinking. (Didn’t you learn your lesson with The Village?) (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Little Man (PG-13) God help us, the Wayanses are back in town! Keenan Ivory Wayans directs brother Shawn Wayans as a wannabe dad who mistakes a vertically challenged, cigar-chomping criminal (Marlon Wayans) as his newly adopted son. While the sight of a digitally reduced Marlon Wayans is arguably scarier than the sight of Marlon Wayans dressed as a white chick, what’s most disturbing about this film is how it so blatantly rips off the old Warner Brothers cartoon “Baby Buggy Bunny” starring midget criminal Baby Face Finster. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Miami Vice (R, 146 minutes) Writer/director Michael Mann turns his mega-popular ‘80s TV series into a two-hour-plus movie. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx take over as Crockett and Tubbs, the two most conspicuous detectives in the history of undercover police work. It doesn’t look or feel much like the original series (no ice cream suits or visits from Phil Collins, sadly), but what’s on screen comes close to the best of Mann’s crime film output (Heat, Collateral). A preponderance of guns, sex and seedy atmosphere (not to mention a tough-to-follow storyline) make this a decidedly “adult” popcorn film. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

Monster House (PG, 91 minutes) Reviewed on page 43. Playing at Carmike Cinema 6
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (PG-13) Luke Wilson stars as an ordinary dude who breaks up with his plain-Jane girlfriend (Uma Thurman) because of her neediness. Big mistake. Turns out that she’s actually the alter-ego of G-Girl, the city’s most powerful superheroine, and she proceeds to make his life a living hell. From director Ivan Reitman (Ghostbusters). (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (PG-13, 150 minutes) Call it a nasty case of sequelitis, but this second installment in the Disney theme-park franchise is bigger, louder and absolutely determined to entertain. The action sequences more or less work, but the smaller, goofier moments come up short, and that includes Johnny Depp’s surprisingly unsurprising performance as Captain Jack Sparrow. (K.W.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Scoop (PG-13) The newly revitalized Woody Allen continues to pump out the films. His new muse, Scarlett Johannson, stars as an American journalism student who falls in love with a handsome aristocrat (Hugh Jackman), who just happens to be the prime suspect in a string of serial killings. It’s a little scary to see Allen stepping back in front of the camera (he plays a bumbling magician helping our gal reporter in her investigation), but at least he hasn’t cast himself as the romantic lead. Considerably funnier than Match Point, but not quite as brilliant. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

Strangers with Candy (R) Reviewed on page 43. Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6
Superman Returns (PG-13, 157 minutes) America’s favorite Boy Scout is back, and the most enjoyable moments in this $363-million behemoth are when Brandon Routh’s Superman flies through the air with the greatest of ease. Despite Routh’s lackluster performance and Kevin Spacey’s refusal to ham up Lex Luthor, the movie often soars, but it never comes up with a sufficient reason why the Man of Steel is still relevant in post-industrial America. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

You, Me and Dupree (PG-13, 108 minutes) Owen Wilson (still hot off Wedding Crashers) stars as a down-and-out best man who moves in on two newlyweds (Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson). Since he got fired from his job for attending their wedding, they feel guilty and are happy to have him stay over for a day, or two, or three, or… Eventually, of course, Dupree’s seemingly endless couch-surfing ways cause friction with the new couple. A fine cast jokes it up in the same vein as Wedding Crashers. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

The Break-Up (PG-13, 106 minutes) Peyton Reed’s “anti-romantic comedy” about a mismatched couple (Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston) is often funny, sometimes uncomfortably so. Vaughn plays a guy’s guy, the kind who’d like to put a pool table in the living room, and Aniston is a version of her sweet, spunky character from “Friends.” (Kent Williams) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Cars (G, 116 minutes) Pixar blows us away yet again with an animated story of a NASCAR hotrod (voiced by Owen Wilson) who needs to take the “I” out of “TEAM.” Only by the amazingly high standards set by Toy Story, Finding Nemo and The Incredibles does the movie come up a little short. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Clerks II (NR) After a brief, fruitless foray into mainstream romantic comedy (Jersey Girl), Kevin Smith returns to his roots: shooting a foul-mouthed low-budget comedy with a few of his friends.
It’s been a few years since we last saw Dante and Randall. Their older now, but not necessarily wiser, having landed jobs at the local fast-food establishment. Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jason Mewes, Ethan Suplee, Jason Lee and other longtime Smith compatriots return for more ensemble fun. There’s actually a bit of story this time around, but the emphasis is on blistering pop culture humor. (It’s Lord of the Rings versus Star Wars now.) (Devin O’Leary) Coming Friday; check local listings

Click (PG-13, 86 minutes) Adam Sandler is a harried family man (welcome to the realm of Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin, Mr. Sandler) who finds a magical remote control. Get this: With it, he can pause stuff and fast forward it and mute it. Why he could fast-forward a fight with his wife or slo-mo that jogging girl with the big boobies. My god, that plot is clever enough to be a light beer commercial! (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

The Da Vinci Code (PG-13, 149 minutes) Ron Howard’s movie version of Dan Brown’s religious-mystery novel, in which a Harvard professor (Tom Hanks) and a Parisian cryptographer (Audrey Tautou) try to track down the Holy Grail while being pursued by a crazed albino monk (Paul
Bettany), fails to get a decent spook going, à la The Exorcist or The Omen. Howard has illustrated the book beautifully, but he hasn’t wrestled with it, made it his own. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

The Devil Wears Prada (PG-13, 106 minutes) This fashion-industry comedy stars Anne Hathaway as an aspiring journalist who winds up as a gopher for Meryl Streep’s boss-from-hell, but the two of them aren’t allowed to get much going, Streep’s ice-cold performance getting stranded on the runway. The movie could have been an enjoyable romp; instead, it’s as earnest as Wall Street, only with frocks instead of stocks. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (PG-13, 104 minutes) Vin Diesel, having long lost any level of relevance to this fast-moving film franchise, is here replaced by Lucas Black, the kid from Sling Blade. But, really, who cares which humans are involved so long as you’ve got a tricked-out Mitsubishi Lancer EVO IX to ogle? Black plays a troubled teen who heads to Tokyo to live with his military uncle officer. There, he falls into the world of underground street racing. The film is rated PG-13 for “reckless and illegal behavior involving teens.” In other words, it’s gonna be a huge hit with high schoolers. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

An Inconvenient Truth (PG) Reviewed on page 50. Playing at Vinegar Hill Theatre

Lady in the Water (PG-13) At this point you either love or hate writer/director M. Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village). In this dark, twist-laden (of course) fantasy, the
superintendent (Paul Giamatti) of a run-down apartment complex discovers a mysterious woman (Bryce Dallas Howard) in the apartment’s pool. Turns out she’s actually a fairy tale character
who has escaped from a bedtime story. Unfortunately, she’s not the only one who has escaped from the story. Interesting, but definitely not as scary as you’re thinking. (Didn’t you learn your lesson with The Village?) (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

The Lake House (PG, 99 minutes) Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock emote up a storm in this supernatural weepie. It slowly accumulates power and gets extra points for holding on to its dour mood even after the romantic leads have discovered that they’re communicating via snail mail across time. (K.W.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Little Man (PG-13) God help us, the Wayanses are back in town! Keenan Ivory Wayans directs brother Shawn Wayans as a wannabe dad who mistakes a vertically challenged, cigar-chomping criminal (Marlon Wayans) as his newly adopted son. While the sight of a digitally reduced Marlon Wayans is arguably scarier than the sight of Marlon Wayans dressed as a white chick, what’s most disturbing about this film is how it so blatantly rips off the old Warner Brothers cartoon
“Baby Buggy Bunny” starring midget criminal Baby Face Finster. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Monster House (PG, 91 minutes) It’s the day before Halloween and puberty-addled DJ has been left at home with a babysitter. Which wouldn’t be so bad if our young hero weren’t convinced that the creepy house across the street is eating people. This CGI toon takes a slightly different approach than some. Rather than going for a totally realistic style, the film tries to replicate the almost stop-motion look of old holiday specials. Combined with the film’s retro-’80s setting, it makes for a pleasing flashback. The story, in which DJ and two pals do battle with a (literally) monstrous house, is a bit too scary for very young kids, but it’s loads of fun for those who can’t wait for Halloween. Maggie Gyllenhaal, Steve Buscemi and Jason Lee are among the voice cast. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

My Super Ex-Girlfriend (PG-13) Luke Wilson stars as an ordinary dude who breaks up with his plain-Jane girlfriend (Uma Thurman) because of her neediness. Big mistake. Turns out that she’s actually the alter-ego of G-Girl, the city’s most powerful superheroine, and she proceeds to make his life a living hell. From director Ivan Reitman (Ghostbusters). (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

Nacho Libre (PG) Jack Black has his moments as a friar/cook who longs to be a Mexican wrestler, but the shtick seems a little forced. Black being pummeled by his opponents is pretty much all there is to the plot, but the movie nevertheless has a pleasantly strange vibe. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Pirates of the Caribbean : Dead Man’s Chest (PG-13, 150 minutes)
Reviewed on page 50. Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Superman Returns (PG-13, 157 minutes) America’s favorite Boy Scout is back, and the most enjoyable moments in this $363-million behemoth are when Brandon Routh’s Superman flies through the air with the greatest of ease. Despite Routh’s lackluster performance and Kevin
Spacey’s refusal to ham up Lex Luthor, the movie often soars, but it never comes up with a sufficient reason why the Man of Steel is still relevant in post-industrial . (K.W.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Waist Deep (R, 97 minutes) In this inner-city thriller, an ex-con (Tyrese Gibson, 2 Fast 2 Furious) gets tangled up with a gang after his car is jacked with his young son inside. When a nasty criminal kingpin (rap star The Game) demands a ransom for the boy’s release, our anti-hero teams up with a street-smart hustler (Meagan Good of You Got Served) for some hip-hop Bonnie and Clyde action. From the director of Glitter. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

You, Me and Dupree (PG-13, 108 minutes) Owen Wilson (still hot off Wedding Crashers) stars as a down-and-out best man who moves in on two newlyweds (Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson). Since he got fired from his job for attending their wedding, they feel guilty and are happy to have him stay over for a day…or two …or three …or…  Eventually, of course, Dupree’s seemingly endless couch-surfing ways cause friction with the new couple. A fine cast jokes it up in the
same vein as Wedding Crashers. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Pirates of the Caribbean:
Dead Man’s Chest
PG-13, 150 minutes
Now playing at Carmike Cinema 6

When Pirates of the Caribbean : The Curse of the Black Pearl sailed into the harbor during the summer of 2003, it was as if none of us had ever seen a pirate movie before. We were delighted, dazzled.  Surprisingly buoyant, thanks in part to Johnny Depp’s light-in-his-loafers turn as Captain Jack Sparrow, the movie didn’t begin to take itself seriously, treating the old familiar tropes—parrots, buried treasure, walking the plank—like old familiar friends, ripe for teasing and good for a laugh, no matter how many times we’d heard the joke before. Director Gore Verbinski managed to keep the movie on course, and Depp gave it an anything-goes edge, sashaying from one side of the screen to the other, delivering his lines sotto voce, as if he didn’t expect anybody else to understand them. Making off with $650 million in gold bullion, The Curse of the Black Pearl dispelled The Curse of the Modern Pirate Movie, perhaps forever.

What, you’re not familiar with The Curse of the Modern Pirate Movie?  Well, maybe you didn’t see Cutthroat Island , then. Or Roman Polanski’s Pirates. (Worse, maybe you did.) The former lost more money than any movie ever had, and eventually sunk the company that produced it. Crushed under the dead weight of these two stinkers, it seemed as if swashbucklers might never find their sea legs again. But here’s Pirates of the Caribbean : Dead Man’s Chest, following in The Curse of the Black Pearl’s wake (what’s more, another installment, the third in a projected trilogy, is already filming).  And, like most sequels, this one’s bigger, louder and fiercely determined to entertain us, whether we like it or not. Yes, there are some decent bits amid all the hullabaloo—like when Jack shoots his way out of a water-borne coffin, then uses the occupant’s skeletal remains to row ashore. But what passed for inspiration the last time is largely missing this time, leaving only a sheen of perspiration.

Well, O.K.—perspiration and digitalization. To replace the ghost pirates that brought a kooky-spooky element to Black Pearl, scriptwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio have conjured up a crew of Red-Lobster rejects under the command of the legendary Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), who has an octopus where his head should be and a crustacean’s claw for a hand. The effect is certainly special, which is why we call them special effects. And Nighy somehow manages to give an actual performance under all of those writhing tentacles. But Verbinski overplays the  aquaman card, bringing forth his critters early and often (even in broad daylight—a notorious CGI danger zone —where their skin turns all rubbery). Then there’s the Kraken—a gigantic CGI-to-the-max cephalopod capable of wrapping its arms around an entire ship, squeezing the life out of it. The third time it does so, you may find yourself absent-mindedly dreaming of calamari.

Or not. For, if nothing else, these sequences basically deliver the goods, supplying heft to what is in fact nothing more than a few gigabytes of computer memory. Where the movie comes up short is in the smaller, quieter moments, in which the cast is asked to rely on things like dialogue and, you know, acting. Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley return as one of the more boring couples in the long history of high-seas romance. The script certainly puts them through their paces, sending them all over the Caribbeanin search of a compass, a key, a chest and—because they’re often separated—each other. But Bloom, with that pencil-thin mustache, still looks like an emaciated Errol Flynn (only without the devilish gleam in his eye).  And Knightley, though as beautiful as they come, still has to disguise her feminine charms to get by. Not unlike a pirate ship, the movie seems to have no place for a woman, no matter how skilled with a sword she may be.

Speaking of which, the all-important sword fights—which are supposed to put the swash in this swashbuckler—are perfunctory at best (even the one set on a water wheel that’s rolling down a hill toward the ocean). On Pirates maiden voyage, Jack Sparrow’s swordsmanship was a clue to his character: inept, but deadly. This time, he lets his mouth do the talking—and that’s too bad, because Elliott and Rossio haven’t given him very much to say. Depp’s performance came out of left field in The Curse of the Black Pearl; nobody had ever thought of channeling both Keith Richards and Pepé Le Pew before. And with his brilliant, Buster Keaton entrance (disembarking from a sinking dinghy onto a pier without missing a step) Jack Sparrow basically had us at “‘ello.” But this performance seems pitched from center field, lobbed over the fat center of the plate. It’s surprisingly unsurprising. And the character isn’t any richer or deeper, either—just less funny, less weird. Obviously, Depp’s oddball charm worked better as comic relief than as a romantic lead.

Yes, you heard right: Jack has a little moment with Knightley’s Elizabeth, who may have more pirate blood in her than we thought. But the movie’s way too busy imitating the theme-park ride it’s based on to pursue such heretical notions. Barroom brawls, escapes from cannibals, a sea monster that might as well have “Vagina Dentata” scribbled on its forehead (if it had a forehead, that is)—the movie throws so much at us that it’s difficult to imagine what the next installment could possibly do to top it. Like any self-respecting pirate movie, Dead Man’s Chest keeps stealing from other pirate movies: revered classics like Captain Blood, The Crimson Pirate and The Curse of the Black Pearl. But with one more round of plundering to go, you wonder whether the filmmakers haven’t already run out of buried treasure.

Curse of the Modern Pirate Movie? No, just a nasty case of sequelitis.

An Inconvenient Truth
PG, 95 minutes
Now playing at Vinegar Hill Theatre

Rachel Carson on pesticides, Jonathan Schell on nuclear weapons, Chicken Little on atmospheric disturbances of indeterminate origin— with Davis Guggenheim’s gently hair-raising documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, Al Gore joins the long line of Cassandras who have reminded us over the years that it’s not nice to fool with
Mother Nature. Only this time, instead of falling down, the sky is filling up with greenhouse gases—which trap the sun’s rays, which raises the temperature, which melts the polar icecaps, which floods the… Well, you know the scenario. Or do you? Because one of the reasons Gore, who (in his own words) “used to be the next president of the ,” decided to make this movie was his admitted failure, in all his years of public service, to get the word out on global warming. No matter how many times he told us the sky was filling, we kept blowing him off.

And we may keep blowing him off, because, although we love disaster movies, we’re a little slow on the uptake when it comes to preventing actual disasters—especially those that involve turning off the air-conditioner. Gore knows this, and has nevertheless mounted a valiant campaign to knock some sense into us. An Inconvenient Truth, which takes off from the multimedia presentation that Gore estimates he’s given over a thousand times in the last 17 years, is perhaps the most alarming dog-and-pony show of all time.  Using charts and graphs (and even the occasional “Futurama” cartoon) Gore lays out his argument—one that (as he points out) is accepted by virtually every leading scientist in the world. And he does it with a self-deprecating folksiness that was largely absent during his campaigns for national office. Not really losing to George Bush may be the best thing that ever happened him—and the environment.

That’s if enough people heed Gore’s call. But there’s a quixotic air about him now—the knight errant tilting at wind-powered mills.  Some have argued that he’s not just trying to save the world, he’s running for president. And parts of the movie—his recollections of his son being hit by a car, his sister succumbing to lung cancer—do have a campaign-bio feeling about them. But if he is running for president, this sure is a weird way to go about it. No—Gore seems quite comfortable in his new role as the Carl Sagan of climate change, laser-pointing to the billions and billions of carbon-dioxide molecules girdling the globe. He can still be a little stiff, as if he learned everything he knows about public speaking from Toastmasters. But a little stiffness, and even a little humility, may not be such a bad thing when prophesying the end of the world. Or as Gore calls it, in a wickedly evocative phrase, “a nature hike through the Book of Revelations.”

PG-13, 106 minutes
Now playing at Seminole Square
Cinema 4

The Devil Wears Prada is based on Lauren Weisberger’s kiss-ass-and-tell roman à clef about working for editor-in-chief Anna Wintour—Nuclear Wintour, they call her—at Vogue magazine. And, although the movie’s better than the book, it’s also softer and vaguer. Weisberger, who was Wintour’s personal assistant for 10 months, offered little more than a screeching catalog of the fashion maven’s crimes against humanity. (“You call this coffee?”—that sort of thing.) But director David Frankel and scriptwriter Aline Brosh McKenna have actually tried to come up with a reason why one of the most powerful women in the world would treat the help with such regal disdain. It’s because she’s one of the most powerful women in the world, dummy! When men do it, they’re called leaders. When women do it… Well, you know the rest.
    Anne Hathaway, looking like she just got through scribbling in The Princess Diaries, plays Andrea Sachs, an aspiring journalist who winds up as a gopher for Meryl Streep’s Miranda Priestly, a woman who knows exactly what she wants (say, the unpublished manuscript of the next Harry Potter book) and when she wants it (yesterday). That might have made for some glorious encounters as our ashen-faced Cinderella, due for her Extreme Makeover, adjusts to life inside the palace. But the movie doesn’t really give these two the chance, locking Streep’s Miranda in an ice palace of her own. Streep looks great: her waist cinched to within an inch of its life, her hair an impossible shade of silver. And she acts up a quiet storm, softening her voice to an improbably commanding E. F. Hutton effect. But the character never takes off—it’s stranded on the runway.
    That leaves us with Hathaway, who has neither the acting chops nor the Audrey Hepburn charm to pull off this role. On the upside, it also leaves us with Stanley Tucci as Nigel, the magazine’s art director, who has diva dreams of his own. Tucci manages to put his lines over, so the script may not be the movie’s biggest problem. From Funny Face to Ready to Wear, movies have never really “gotten” the fashion industry. (And yet, somehow television—from “Absolutely Fabulous” to “Project Runway”—has taken us to the very heart of the beast. Go figure.)
    Given its source material, The Devil Wears Prada could have been an enjoyable romp through a world most of us know only from magazines like Vogue. Instead, it’s as earnest as Wall Street, only with frocks instead of stocks.

The Break-Up (PG-13, 106 minutes) Peyton Reed’s “anti-romantic comedy” about a mismatched couple (Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston) is often funny, sometimes uncomfortably so. Vaughn plays a guy’s guy, the kind who’d like to put a pool table in the living room, and Aniston is a version of her sweet, spunky character from “Friends.” (Kent Williams) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Cars (G, 116 minutes) Pixar blows us away yet again with an animated story of a NASCAR hotrod (voiced by Owen Wilson) who needs to take the “I” out of “TEAM.” Only by the amazingly high standards set by Toy Story, Finding Nemo and The Incredibles does the movie come up a little short. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Click (PG-13, 86 minutes) Adam Sandler is a harried family man (welcome to the realm of Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin, Mr. Sandler) who finds a magical remote control. Get this: With it, he can pause stuff and fast forward it and mute it. Why he could fast-forward a fight with his wife or slo-mo that jogging girl with the big boobies. My god, that plot is clever enough to be a light beer commercial! (Devin O’Leary) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6
 
The Da Vinci Code (PG-13, 149 minutes) Ron Howard’s movie version of Dan Brown’s religious-mystery novel, in which a Harvard professor (Tom Hanks) and a Parisian cryptographer (Audrey Tautou) try to track down the Holy Grail while being pursued by a crazed albino monk (Paul Bettany), fails to get a decent spook going, à la The Exorcist or The Omen. Howard has illustrated the book beautifully, but he hasn’t wrestled with it, made it his own. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (PG-13, 104 minutes) Vin Diesel, having long lost any level of relevance to this fast-moving film franchise, is here replaced by Lucas Black, the kid from Sling Blade. But, really, who cares which humans are involved so long as you’ve got a tricked-out Mitsubishi Lancer EVO IX to ogle? Black plays a troubled teen who heads to Tokyo to live with his military uncle officer. There, he falls into the world of underground street racing. The film is rated PG-13 for “reckless and illegal behavior involving teens.” In other words, it’s gonna be a huge hit with high schoolers. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

The Lake House (PG, 99 minutes) Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock emote up a storm in this supernatural weepie. It slowly accumulates power and gets extra points for holding on to its dour mood even after the romantic leads have discovered that they’re communicating via snail mail across time. (K.W.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

Little Man (PG-13) God help us, the Wayanses are back in town! Keenan Ivory Wayans directs brother Shawn Wayans as a wannabe dad who mistakes a vertically challenged, cigar-chomping criminal (Marlon Wayans) as his newly adopted son. While the sight of a digitally reduced Marlon Wayans is arguably scarier than the sight of Marlon Wayans dressed as a white chick, what’s most disturbing about this film is how it so blatantly rips off the old Warner Brothers cartoon “Baby Buggy Bunny” starring midget criminal Baby Face Finster. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings

Nacho Libre (PG, 105 minutes) Jack Black has his moments as a friar/cook who longs to be a Mexican wrestler, but the shtick seems a little forced. Black being pummeled by his opponents is pretty much all there is to the plot, but the movie nevertheless has a pleasantly strange vibe. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

The Omen (R, 95 minutes) The 1976 shocker The Omen is really just a slasher film dolled up in Biblical raiment. But it’s still a damnably entertaining movie. Naturally, we required no remake; but we’ve got one anyway, once again documenting a clueless Washington family who seems to have given birth to the Antichrist. The cast (including Liev Schreiber, Julia Styles, Mia Farrow and Pete Postlethwaite) takes things seriously, and the direction is notably slick. Still, the script apes the original almost note for note, making this feel like a cover album of your favorite band—good if only for of the familiarity, but not nearly as memorable as the original. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Over the Hedge (PG, 96 minutes) An all-star voice cast (Bruce Willis, Garry Shandling, Steve Carell, Wanda Sykes, William Shatner, Nick Nolte) lends its talents to this CGI toon adaptation of the popular newspaper comic strip. Willis plays a mischievous raccoon who helps his forest buddies adapt to the encroaching sprawl of suburbia. The animation is fluid and the writing has a bit more spark than most of the recent computer toons we’ve been subjected to (The Wild). From the director of Antz. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (PG-13, 150 minutes) The seaworthy crew of Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl returns with Johnny Depp’s Capt. Jack Sparrow on the run from a squid-faced sea demon intent on stealing the lovable scalawag’s soul. Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush and Keira Knightley are all back on board, joined by Stellan Skarsgård and Bill Nighy. Like the previous outing, this one’s loaded with fun, fantasy and an appropriate measure of summertime swashbuckling. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6

A Prairie Home Companion (PG-13, 105 minutes) In Robert Altman’s cockeyed salute to Garrison Keillor’s radio program, Keillor (who wrote the script) lumbers on and off the stage of the Fitzgerald Theater, launching into one shaggy-dog story after another. Despite some amusing performances from the likes of Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin and Kevin Kline, the movie never quite gels, feeling more like a rough draft than a finished work of art. (K.W.) Playing at Vinegar Hill Theatre

Superman Returns (PG-13, 157 minutes) America’s favorite Boy Scout is back, and the most enjoyable moments in this $363-million behemoth are when Brandon Routh’s Superman flies through the air with the greatest of ease. Despite Routh’s lackluster performance and Kevin Spacey’s refusal to ham up Lex Luthor, the movie often soars, but it never comes up with a sufficient reason why the Man of Steel is still relevant in post-industrial America. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4

Waist Deep (R, 97 minutes) In this inner-city thriller, an ex-con (Tyrese Gibson, 2 Fast 2 Furious) gets tangled up with a gang after his car is jacked with his young son inside. When a nasty criminal kingpin (rap star The Game) demands a ransom for the boy’s release, our anti-hero teams up with a street-smart hustler (Meagan Good of You Got Served) for some hip-hop Bonnie and Clyde action. From the director of Glitter. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6

You, Me and Dupree (PG-13, 108 minutes) Owen Wilson (still hot off Wedding Crashers) stars as a down-and-out best man who moves in on two newlyweds (Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson). Since he got fired from his job for attending their wedding, they feel guilty and are happy to have him stay over for a day, or two, or three, or… Eventually, of course, Dupree’s seemingly endless couch-surfing ways cause friction with the new couple. A fine cast jokes it up in the same vein as Wedding Crashers. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings