I believe in taking risks for love. Evidence: Twice I have called complete strangers to ask for a date. I’ve never been afraid of online dating, and was on three different sites as a single. And, I have been one of the 46 percent of people, according to a 2008 survey by Vault.com, who have been involved in an office romance. My heart and hormones, for the most part, led me to take these leaps of faith, but my office romance was a calculated gamble.
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Engaging in an office relationship is tricky, no matter which way you look at it. When you break up, you’ll be staring at each other every day. Not only could your professional standing be jeopardized, but you could also be violating an office policy. If you’re dating a subordinate, you could be accused of sexual harassment or giving preferential treatment. But these hazards don’t scare everybody. Twenty percent of people have met their spouse or long-term partner at work, again according to Vault.com. Pew Internet & American Life Project (2006) reports an even higher figure of 38 percent.
There’s more to think about than the risks to your career and messing with the stability of your work life. Consider the impact on the budding relationship. Engaging in a forbidden act can make it hard to know if your emotions are telling you the truth. The thrill may come from the illicit act, and not your mate. Conversely, the guilt can sour your ability to build a strong bond and trust each other. Also, when someone alters their career path for you, there’s more pressure to make it work, even if it’s not right.
Casual office trysts are definitely a no go. Think twice if you’re feeling tempted to pursue your office crush for a casual affair. A crush is a strong attraction based on very little real knowledge of a person. When you use the office for informal dating and random sex, you risk sullying your reputation and alienating co-workers. Having clean relationships with colleagues trumps the need to create a little dating excitement.
You probably can agree that it makes good sense to pass up a fling with an office mate. You might find it harder to say no when you think you’re sitting next to your future husband, like I did. When you’ve both dated a lot and know yourselves and what you’re looking for, it may be hard to pass up the opportunity for a relationship with such promise. Broach the subject of dating once you know each other well and can trust how he or she will respond to and manage your offer in the workplace. Say, “Would you ever consider dating someone you work with, namely me? I know it’s risky to bring this up, but I think we know each other well enough that we can talk honestly about where we stand.” If you get a positive reaction, explore why you’re right for each other. Discuss why you respect and value each other, what you have in common, what you want from life, and whether it’s the right time to move forward. Consult office policy about dating between colleagues. Lay a foundation of good communication by creating a plan for how to take the relationship to the next level. If your relationship isn’t office approved, hold strong in your conviction about having a future together, and work out a solution. In my case, eventually he left the organization, and three months ago we married.