NEW! Fall 2011: Like Sisters

You want to save her, don’t you? You’re a good super-friend. You probably inherited it like I did. I’ve got a good bit of my grandmother in me. Not the part that ate like a bird, but the part where she squinted her eyes and helped you plan your escape. Hardship made her crafty. Until she died at 91, she held onto a thank you note from a friend who she helped elope circa 1935. In this issue, I answer three tough friendship questions using the skills passed down to me from Kitty Kane, my awesome grandma.

What do you say to a friend who seems to be dissatisfied with her job?
Get her a card—a funny one about friendship or cats. On the inside, include a handwritten message: “You deserve the best. Can I help you find a new job?”
Her: I complain too much about my job, don’t I?
You: Nope. You complain just enough for me to know that it sucks. I’ll help you find a new one. Do you daydream about walking away from it all, like you might quit at any moment?
Her: Yes. I feel like I don’t even know who I am.
You: I want to shake you by the shoulders, but I don’t want to make a scene. Start picturing your last day, and when that starts to sound good, I’ll help you.

A buddy of mine is going through a super-tough stretch. I don’t want to pry, but I don’t want her to think I don’t care. What’s the difference (or the line) between being nosy and “being there”?
Take your friend on a long walk. Being shoulder-to-shoulder and on the move has a way of delivering you back to where you started.
You: Want to walk all the way to UVA and back?
Her: That’s a long way.
You: It’ll be good for us. If you get a blister, I’ll give you a Band-Aid.
You walk briskly. You sweat. It’s fun.
You: This will be good practice for Europe.
Her: Europe?
You: I think we should do our own Eat, Pray, Love thing, but just the Eat part. Let’s go to Italy to mark the end of a tough year.

My friend is always bashing something, and I used to enjoy this, but now I want to be a much more positive person. I’m changing. Is our future doomed?
Threw away all your snarky t-shirts, did ya? Left your girlfriend shopping at the Badwill all by herself? Feel like you want to start fresh with Kate Middleton and let her be the one famous lady you haven’t dogged? O.K., have it your way:
Her: She’s too skinny.
You: (You say nothing. This silence is difficult and you’re going to have to be ready to change the subject unless you want to argue that she’s not too skinny even though you think she is too skinny but you don’t want to have an opinion on this anymore).

Her: Hello? Anybody there?
You: I’m trying to be quiet because I don’t want to say anything negative.
Her: Oh jeez.
You: I’m serious.
Her: What is the matter with you?
You: I’m trying to be a more positive person.
Her: How long is this going to last?
You: What do you mean?
Her: I bet you can’t go two days without talking about somebody. I’m positive you can’t! You probably can’t even go two hours.
You: That is SO negative!
Her: I know…that’s why you love me.

Denise Stewart is a local writer, actor and business lady who loves her screenwriting group and drinks with twists.