As I reflect on the University of Virginia’s memorial service honoring the victims of the November 13 shooting, it is a struggle to put my thoughts into words.
I could mention the names of those who spoke, like UVA President Jim Ryan, Athletic Director Carla Williams, or the large number of students who knew the three young men who were killed. I could tell you what they said about Devin Chandler, D’Sean Perry, and Lavel Davis Jr, the stories they told. I could reflect on the many tears that were shed. But all of this would fail to fully illustrate the pain and suffering present in John Paul Jones Arena on a cold November afternoon.
Words fail to express the utter horror I felt while watching the victims’ families walk slowly from the stage to their seats. No words can convey their suffering, yet it reverberated around the arena—and made the space feel like the smallest, most intimate room.
Williams admired Chandler’s penchant for dancing—his close relatives fondly referred to him as “Devin the Dancing Machine.” She spoke of Davis’ extreme enjoyment of the 18 scrambled eggs his grandmother made him every time he came home. She recounted that a young Perry insisted on dressing as a red Power Ranger for Halloween, and that he refused to take the costume off until Thanksgiving.
Her stories gave every person who did not know these three young men a hint of the lives they led—and it was devastating.
She ended her speech with a promise to their families: “We love your sons, and we will make sure their legacy never fades at the University of Virginia.”
The speeches were interspersed with musical selections by the Martin Luther King, Jr. Community Choir and gospel singer Cece Winans, as well as videos showing pictures of the trio, narrated by teammates and past coaches.
The most gut-wrenching speeches were delivered by the slain players’ football teammates. Second-year student Cody Brown spoke about a funny, confident, and kind Chandler whose “smile alone was enough to brighten anyone’s day.” He uttered a tearful goodbye to his fallen friend. “We love you so much, and know you’re smiling down on us in Heaven.”
Third-year student Jared Rayman painted a portrait of Davis as a “natural-born leader” who perfectly modeled the phrase, “lead by example.”
“Each tear I shed for you, ‘Vel, holds immeasurable love,” said Rayman. “The only thing that lessens my grief is the memory of your infectious smile.”
First-year student Matt Bettridge admired Perry for many years at their Miami high school, viewing him as a mentor and role model. Reading a letter he wrote to his beloved friend, he said, “Your presence was felt each and every day that I was able to step on the field and share it with you.”
Bettridge urged those attending the memorial service to “fight for what you want, and fight for the people you love the most. D’Sean was the best fighter I knew—and always pushed himself to be the best person on and off the field.”
Though these speeches could not begin to encompass the richness of the lives of the three men, they offered a glimpse of the smiling, energetic, and kind individuals they were. And for that, I will forever be grateful to their teammates who shared these stories in the midst of their deep, intense grief.
UVA football coach Tony Elliott closed out the service by reading a Bible passage, wishing peace to those affected by the tragedy. He also reflected on his time with the three men, pointing to a moment Davis took him by the shoulder during a practice to tell him something important: “Coach, I’m starting to understand it. It’s the little things that matter.”
Elliott praised how Chandler brought joy to everyone around him.“You felt and heard Devin before you ever saw him,” he said. The coach also spoke of Perry—who “on the inside [was] intricately woven together with life, beauty, and love”—with much reverence.
As everyone filed out of the arena in near-complete silence, I was thankful for all that I had learned about the young men, and overwhelmed by the enormity of the loss. Though the feelings in that arena were almost too much to bear, I hope it will give the families and friends of Perry, Chandler, and Davis one simple assurance: We will remember them.
GoFundMe fundraisers have been set up for Davis, Chandler, Perry, and Morgan.