About a gazillion music-related things happened while I was prepping for my vacation in Houston: Someone had an identity crisis, someone had a Manilow crisis, and a nation of Guns N’ Roses fans suffered without the attention of a certain doctor.
I, however, had a blast. How could this be? Let’s take a closer look:
What happened: Beyoncé Knowles, the prodigal daughter of Destiny’s Child, released I am…Sasha Fierce, a two-disc album with half the tracks attributed to Knowles’ new identity. Pretty Much Amazing has a few unreleased tracks like "Roc," supposedly written for her bee-eff Jay-Z. Give ’em a listen, then tell me which you’d rather have—Sasha Fierce, or ferocious chicken and waffles?
My response: While Ms. Fierce promoted her record and new identity, Feedback swooped by Houston’s The Breakfast Klub, a spot favored by Lady B that serves phenomenal chicken and waffles. If you like it so much, Beyoncé, you should’ve put a ring on it.
What happened: Kanye West and Axl Rose released albums in the same week and, despite the globe-quaking drums in West’s "Love Lockdown," the world didn’t buckle under the weight of their combined egos (as Sasha Frere-Jones notes).
My response: To paraphrase Daniel Day-Lewis: I drank Axl’s Dr. Pepper. I drank it up! But should the Doctor be a bit more liberal with the Pepper?
What happened: A municipal court in Colorado threatened noisy boys and girls with an hour of Barry Manilow for noise-related violations. Somewhere in Charlottesville, a child dreams of breaking the noise ordinance with the world’s loudest performance of "Mandy."
My response: I didn’t do anything that corresponded with noise ordinances or offenses in Houston. Instead, I went to the zoo:
How many large-horned animals does it take to operate a turntable?