Ann had made a lot of effort to get to a blind date with a guy she’d met online. Seeing him across the room she instantly wanted out. He was 50 pounds heavier than his picture, with fly down and a large stain on his T-shirt. Ugh. This was not the romantic scene she’d envisioned and is the reason online dating gets a bad rap. Add to it the dating buffet mentality. There’s always another plate, I mean date, right around the corner so you’re less likely to give each other a real chance. With Internet dating in a small town, you’re faced with a narrow pool of prospects and everyone’s dated each other. Imagine our frustration when my sister and I discovered she’d been out with a guy I’d met online five years before. At least we got to compare notes. O.K., so, the downsides are many, but if you really want to find love, you’ve got to go on more than three dates a year. In Charlottesville, the Web one of the best options for meeting lots of people. There are a few things you can do to have better dates.
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Have you browsed the profiles of your competition? Almost all of them say the same thing: “I’m smart, attractive, funny, and passionate, looking for someone who is intelligent, open-minded and kind, with a good sense of humor.” Lists of adjectives are too subjective and you can read anything into them. Opt instead for proper nouns. Tell stories about funny or important aspects of your life and give examples of what you want. Instead of “I want someone smart,” try, “You like to share the newspaper on Sunday morning and can hold your own in a lively debate about current events.” It’s tempting to avoid specificity for fear readers will rule you out, but it breathes personality into your writing so the right match will be able to spot you more easily.
After a few bad dates it’s natural to want to meet in person as quickly as possible to avoid wasting time. Unknowingly, you sabotage your potential for chemistry. When was the last time you sat down to dinner with a complete stranger and made a good impression? Nerves kill the spark. Have a few e-mails and phone calls first. You’ll get more solid information, have more realistic expectations, and weed out the wrong people so you don’t end up sharing a table with them. Remember, anyone and everyone is on the Internet. If you’re only attracted to a small percent of the people you meet in real life, why would it be any different online?