Month: December 2010

 If you ask Sasha Farmer, organization equals success. The Montague, Miller & Co. realtor—best in town according to C-VILLE’s 2010 readers’ poll—has had her most successful year ever. How’d she do it? Streamlining. “I basically eliminated paper,” she says. 

We took a peek in her gadget-heavy purse for ideas.—Caite White

The bag: Farmer says she uses this Coach purse as more of a work briefcase. To make things easier, she hangs on to the clutch when she meets with clients. Still, she has to be ready for anything and the purse carries all the essentials. “My car has even more stuff in it!” she says.

Apple iPad: “This is my biggest necessity,” Farmer says. She uses it instead of a laptop.

Hairbrush: Sometimes when showing land, says Farmer, it can be “rainy, windy, disgusting.” It’s always good to have a hairbrush once you get back to the car.

Flash drive: Farmer keeps digital presentations stored on this portable device. “It’s all right there and I can take it to the printer,” she says.

Bluetooth headset: “This is so I can talk on my phone all day long,” she says. 

Flashlight: “With recent foreclosures, sometimes I’ll show a house with no power. This gets me in the front door.”  

Business cards: “I always have a bunch of my own,” she says, “but I like to have a place for other people’s too, so they don’t get mixed in. …And, it’s cute!” 

Lint roller: Farmer always keeps this for pet-hair emergencies. “Going to houses with dogs, sometimes they jump on you and can cover a black suit [in fur].” 

Apple iPhone: Synced with her iPad, Farmer’s phone keeps her schedule and to-do lists organized. And it even opens lock boxes. “Even if I don’t have the iPad with me, I can pretty much do everything I need to with my phone.”

Makeup case: Constantly on the go, Farmer rarely has time to run home and reapply between appointments. She carries this bag for quick touch-ups.

Emergency kit: Given to her as a bridesmaid, it has “everything you could ever need”—nail polish, a sewing kit and even hairspray.

Camera: “It’s good for photographing a house someone likes on the fly,” she says. And, it comes in handy for her website, charlottesville365.com, where she highlights local events and activities. 

Remote: She uses this when she’s giving a listing presentation; it makes it easy to flip through on the computer or the iPad.

Clutch: Farmer uses this Coach bag as her everyday purse. “It only fits my phone, checkbook and credit cards.” 

Dice: Great for an impromptu bar night, Farmer says, “They’re fun and you can always find something to do with them.”

 One of the biggest decisions to make before getting pregnant is how and whether you’ll continue to work and at what intensity. Maybe this is an easy, all-or-nothing answer for you (or maybe you don’t have a choice), and you’ll either continue to work full time or you’ll stay at home full time. 

If it’s the former, your professional life will be rocked quite considerably. One, you won’t be bringing your A game to the office for quite a while—it’s impossible to do so when you’re getting two to four hours of sleep at a stretch. Secondly, you just won’t be as enthralled as you were pre-baby with spreadsheets or sales calls. You just won’t, at least for while. You’ll be thinking about the baby, worrying about the baby, cooing about the baby and perhaps pumping breast milk for the baby when you used to take afternoon coffee with your coworkers. 

Having a newborn means major professional upheaval in either case. You need to prepare logistically and emotionally for this huge life change before you decide on being a working mommy or a stay-at-home one.

If your work choices are more flexible—you can cut back to part time or work from home, and these scenarios are attractive to you—hooray! Working a few hours a day or a few days a week, or simply cozying up to your own com-puter and not having to shower and schlep to a cubicle every-day, can be effective ways of finding more work and baby balance in your life. 

But don’t think that because you work from home you aren’t going to need some childcare.

 

The work from home folk tale

 

Maybe you’ve heard of one of these mythical moms who is able to keep the professional fires burning remotely from home while bouncing a happy baby on her hip. She takes conference calls while breastfeeding and pushes out tons of e-mails and paperwork in her cashmere robe while baby sleeps peacefully nearby. Or she spends a blissful day with baby and then happily jumps on her computer in the evening to get a good six hours of productive work done after baby goes down easily for the night.  

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this person doesn’t exist. Or if she does—if you actually know someone like this and you’ve seen her in person and she doesn’t sport zombie eyes and suffer from narcolepsy—she’s an anomaly, at best. 

Here’s the proof and it involves some math: Newborn babies need to eat about every two hours. If you’re breastfeeding, it can take up to 45 minutes for baby to slurp it all down. Then you have to burp the baby, change the baby and lull the baby back to sleep. Occasionally, you’ll also want to spend some time nuzzling and playing with the baby. This leaves you, at most, a little less than an hour to brush your own teeth, pee and get your own abbreviated shut-eye before the next feeding cycle starts. And remember, this routine goes on 24 hours a day. 

Oh eventually, after a few months, your baby will start going longer between feedings—four and then five and then six hours—but you’ll want those stretches to come at night, so you can sleep! If baby is napping reliably a few hours at a time during the day, that means he’s not sleeping reliably a few hours at a time at night, so if you’re expecting to work during long afternoon naps, think again. They either won’t happen predictably or, if they do, it will be because you’ve been up half the night and often won’t be able to spell your own name the next day let alone intelligently run a webcast conference call from your home office.  

Working from home can be a great option, but you’d better line up some childcare assistance in that case, too. Or be a superhero. 

Katherine Ludwig is a lawyer turned freelance writer and mother of two who thinks passing the Bar was cake next to breastfeeding and potty training.

 

 Recently, I overheard one woman ask a friend to help her recruit volunteers for the list of duties at her daughter’s swim club. 

“You need to make this a Google document.” 

“I don’t know anything about that.”

“I’ll help you.”

They sat on the same side of the table and the one friend who was good with e-mail and documents helped the one who was not. It was lovely. Indeed, it’s beautiful when you know what you need, and you know when you’re needed. When I was young, I knew Lisa was the best girl to go biking with. She wouldn’t be afraid of the bumpy trail that ran behind the school. On life’s buffet, Lisa is the granola, crumbled up and full of stuff that’s good for you. She’s over by the frozen yogurt machine. 

Permit me to put your friends on the buffet and group them—just as you might put all the desserts on the card table off to one side, so that when it’s time for dessert, your guests won’t miss the full array of choices from chocolate chips to coconut cake. Get yourself a clean plate and dig into your intuitive hunger for a variety of friends. 

Talents: These people have skills and expertise. You find their abilities uncommonly attractive. You mean it when you find yourself saying, “You’re amazing!” Not only do these friends have a little booth at the farmer’s market to showcase gourmet cupcakes, they also have major UVA donors in their cell phone. If “cool” was an elective in high school, these people would place out. It’s O.K. to ask their advice or their help. Let them dream with you about your next big idea because they can go there. They dream, too. They don’t invite you to concerts; they invite you to their concerts. They tend to have a strong sense of self, and they’re, you know, doing “their thing.” It’s inspirational. They are the salsa with the real roasted corn and the fresh cilantro and garlic and the homemade tortilla chips. So hip, so tasty!

Tenderness: You will cry with this person even when you think you’re not a crier. This is your crockpot maca-roni and cheese. This is not the back-slapping, marathon-running lady-warrior (no offense, roasted turkey). You can be vulnerable—totally—with this person. She’s got sticking power. I called my mac-n-cheese when my brother died. I was wailing, and her tenderness with me extended far back into the years. Because she had also grown up with my brother, I had nothing to explain. 

Time: Oh, blessed are the companions who will go on long walks with you. Do you remember who watched Beaches with you? This is your friend who will go all over the mall with you to find an outfit or a costume or for no particular reason at all. Time will fly with this person, but it’s O.K., and it’s easy, and you’ll make easy plans for next week with this, your cherry yum yum. Yes, she’s a throwback to church potlucks, and she’s going to be a great old lady, and she’ll have time to spend with you then, too. 

Truth: Wasn’t that an insightful question? No one has asked you that before. Beware—your truth crusader is going to give you “the look” when you speak aloud the delusions you’ve been playing on your mental iPod. She’ll let you trash someone, but she won’t let you go on and on. She might even say something like, “Open your eyes!” What a gift she is. She’s your plate of pickles, a little vinegar for proper digestion. Pickles are not for everyone, but then, the truth isn’t either, is it? You’ll find yourself calling her when you need a proper judge or critic or compass. 

Is it possible that you’ve got friends that are talented, tender, available and honest, all rolled into one delicious flavor? Of course. However, having an assortment of dishes gives you sweet and savory, great opportunities for connection and strength, humor and wisdom. That’s your network, your tapestry, your phone tree, your posse, your Sunday dinner. Call it what you will, but keep it strong and updated, fresh and tasty, and never forget what you signed up to bring!

Denise Stewart is a local writer, actor and business lady who loves her screenwriting group and drinks with twists.

 They define your female curves, respond to your lover’s caress and allow you to nurse your newborn. Sure, they can also hurt like hell just before your period and you may think that yours are either too large or too small. But, trust me, your breasts are precious friends you need to take good care of. 

As women get older and their fertile years pass, their breast tissue undergoes involution, an inevitable change during which the milk-producing system inside the breasts starts shrinking. Because breasts have no muscles, no exercises can prevent your breasts from losing both fullness and shape over time. 

As hard as this reality may be, it’s a small price to pay when you consider even more negative afflictions, like breast cancer. Fortunately, there are preventative steps you can take toward early detection.

Besides asking your health provider about when you should start having regular clinical breast exams and mammograms, it’s a good idea to periodically check your breasts for lumps and irregularities.

Breast self-exams (BSEs) are best performed once a month beginning at age 20 and throughout your lifetime. If you experience changes in your breasts throughout your menstrual cycle, do the BSE during a time when your breasts are not tender.

BSEs may lead to false positive results and unnecessary biopsies (tissue samples) and anxiety, which leaves some women hesitant to perform them. Nevertheless, most health professionals recommend that women examine their breasts monthly, especially since mammograms do not always detect lumps.

Here is how to best examine your own breasts:

Start by looking at your breasts and the entire chest area in front of a tall mirror, first with relaxed arms and then with elevated arms placed behind your head. Look for any changes in size, shape or position of both breasts, dimpling of the skin, nipple changes (e.g. pushed-in or misshapen nipples), redness, swelling or other irregularities. It is normal for one breast to be slightly larger than the other. 

Next, press your arms on your hips (activating your chest muscles under the breast tissue) and then lean forward while you look for any changes since your last BSE. Then repeat the process while looking at your breasts from both sides.

Next, feel for lumps in your entire breast area, which also includes the part of the breast tissue that extends into the armpit areas. Search especially for enlarged lymph nodes in both armpits. This can be done while lying down with a folded towel under your shoulder.

Squeeze and pull the nipples a little to see whether there is any abnormal discharge. Yellow nipple fluid is considered normal. Nipple fluid that is bloody, dark or clear and sticky is cause for concern and follow up. (If in doubt, check with your health practitioner.) While pushing the nipple deep into the hollow beneath it, it is important to note any unusual resistance, hardness or lumps beneath the nipple.

Using the tips of your index, middle and ring finger follow two patterns of moving your fingers over your breasts when feeling for lumps and irregularities in the breast tissue: 

1) Vertical or “up and down” pattern covering the entire breast. 

2) Spiral or ring pattern, making concentric rings that tighten in a spiral, starting on the outer edges of the breast and ending around the nipple.  

For each area, press both softly and harder in order to examine superficial, as well as deeper, areas of your breast tissue. It’s a good idea to keep a monthly diary to document any particular things you may have noticed so you will be able to better follow up and compare the next month.

Charlottesville’s Annette Owens, MD, Ph.D., is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. She has co-edited the four-volume book, Sexual Health (Praeger).

In 1997, the New York Times called Deborah Eisenberg’s short stories “spirited and masterly road maps through sad and forbidding and desolate terrain.” Thirteen years later, the same newspaper cast her among the modern age’s greatest writers: “Eisenberg conveys [her characters’] interiority in such a fine grain that one thinks of Virginia Woolf, if only Woolf’s work were leavened with startling humor.” Tremendous praise, indeed, but not the first time the UVA Creative Writing professor has kept such luminous company. Last year, she was named a MacArthur Genius, an award that carries with it not only the legacy of past winners such as theater director Peter Sellars, poet Galway Kinnell, and choreographers Merce Cunningham and Paul Taylor, but also $500,000. The committee commended “the hallmarks of Eisenberg’s style—crystalline prose, keen perceptions of emotional nuance, and wry wit.” Though Eisenberg’s stature is diminutive, her personal warmth is as large as her literary profile. Stylish and carrying just the slightest hint of self-deprecation, she professes to love teaching and walking through crowded city streets on warm days. She favors high heels and cuts a strikingly urbane figure wherever she goes. We love her relentless pursuit of art (she has published four collections of stories) and the fact that she’ll admit to eating a whole bag of candy corn in one sitting. “There are two kinds of people in the world…,” she says with a wink, speaking of her guilty pleasure. Sounds like the start to a great story.