Month: September 2015

The fall issue of C-VILLE Kids is on stands now. Here’s what you’ll find inside. (Below, find a digital copy of the magazine!)

• A little girl with big Broadway dreams.
• A 9-year-old baseball standout who’s playing with the boys.
• What to do when things go “bump!” in the night.
• A teenager’s dream bedroom makeover.
• The local Girl Scouts chapter—still going strong.
• Just a girl and her cat, Rascal.
• Three single moms, making it work.

Maggie Lynn tried playing softball with the other girls. But they just weren’t into it like she was.

“They didn’t pay enough attention,” Maggie says, seated next to her mom, Kristin, during a recent afternoon.

Lynn, now 9 years old, started playing T-ball when she was 5 and has been playing with the boys ever since. She played two seasons of softball while also playing hardball, but in addition to the lack of competition, she didn’t like the underhand pitching. She wanted to pitch herself. And she wanted to throw hard.

Lynn’s not the only girl playing with the boys these days. In the Northside Cal Ripken league, she’s one of 23 females. Countrywide, the trend is growing as well. Two girls participated in last year’s Little League World Series, youth baseball’s premier event. And one of them, Mo’ne Davis, made a splash as the first girl ever to throw a shutout in the Series.

Lynn is doing pretty well for herself locally. While nearly two dozen girls play ball at Northside, 13 of them are in T-ball, and only a handful make it beyond that level. Lynn was a standout pitcher in the minor league division during the regular season and was the only girl to make the Northside Cal Ripken league’s all-star team this year.

“We took 14 players, and she was one of the best 14,” says Eric Lane, who in addition to skippering the Northside all-stars is head coach of the Charlottesville High School boy’s varsity team. “She’s pitched nine innings for us. She even pitched in one of our state tournament wins.”

Lane says that at the lower levels, girls are typically as advanced physically as the boys—sometimes they’re even more advanced. At the “major” level, the top ranks of little league, Northside features only one girl, Maya Winterhoff. But Charlie Jones, who has coached both Lynn and Winterhoff, says the girls are completely capable of holding their own.

“Maggie and Maya show that girls can compete at the highest level against the boys,” he says. “They have proven that gender doesn’t determine skill level. While size can be beneficial in baseball, it is not nearly as important as it can be in other sports. Size is less important than hand-eye coordination, speed, quickness and reaction time.”

What’s more, Jones says the girls fit in socially with the boys—no one treats them any differently. Lynn and her mother agree with that sentiment.

“We love it,” Kristin Lynn says. “Sometimes I feel for her being the only girl, but it doesn’t really bother her. Until you see her ponytail hanging out or her braid, no one knows she’s a girl.”

Still, age tends to thin out the ranks of girls in hardball leagues. Lynn herself says she’d like to continue playing with the boys but seems skeptical. That, of course, bums her out, because for softball pitchers, “it’s like 63 [mph] is like their fastball.”

Is Lynn the next Mo’ne Davis? Maybe not. But until she feels like the other girls are taking the game more seriously, she’s not giving up her spot on the field with the boys.

The year 1912 was pretty bleak for females. Women couldn’t vote. They couldn’t own property. They were only allowed a job outside the home if they were single. But while women’s rights were still virtually nonexistent, young girls got to take a purposeful step forward when a nonprofit organization formed to empower them: Girl Scouts of the USA.

Fast forward to 2015. The Girl Scouts is not only still in existence; today it claims a membership of 2 million girls from kindergarten to 18 years old. Why does the organization continue to flourish after more than 10 decades and countless changes for women? Because its essence hasn’t changed; it’s still about encouraging girls, says troop leader Deanna Nolan.

“It’s a great organization where young women can grow their leadership skills and have fun with other girls while doing it,” says Nolan, who herself was a Girl Scout for five years and has led her daughter’s troop for 12 years. “It’s so rewarding.”

The group remains focused on its original goals to empower young women to build the courage, confidence and character to make the world a better place. Changes to the program material mean many of the once-recognizable badges are gone (there are now 45 to earn instead of 100 badges per age group), replaced by three “journeys:” discover, connect and take action. But the Girl Scout law and promise haven’t changed. “That’s our core,” Nolan says.

More than Thin Mints

Charlottesville and Albemarle County have a thriving program, with over 70 troops and 870 active scouts. Some groups meet weekly, others bi-weekly. Meetings are set by troop leaders, usually after school or on weekends. While there are plenty of girls enjoying the experience, there are many in our area on waiting lists to join a troop because there’s a shortage of volunteers to lead them.

“We are blessed in this area—we have more girls interested in becoming Girl Scouts than we do leaders,” Nolan says. (Intrigued? Another bonus of living in 2015 versus 1912 is that all leader training is available online.)

Nolan recalls one of her most vivid memories was as a Girl Scout, going backpacking with her troop leader. “She was the single most influential person in my life. She taught me how to handle money, how to plan, how to lead… that’s why I give back so much to the Girl Scouts today.”

Ahhhh. The kids are finally in bed. You’ve settled down on the couch for a little Netflix, maybe poured yourself a glass of vino. This is your time. And then AAAAAAAAAHHHKKKK! The shriek from upstairs sounds like someone’s been stabbed, and when you race up the stairs—two at a time—you arrive in your child’s bedroom to find him uninjured, sitting up in bed, eyes wild and unseeing, anguished wails of gibberish escaping his lips. What the what?

Welcome to a night terror, one of multiple sleep disorders that may strike your kids at any time. But as horrible as a night terror may seem in the moment it’s happening, a local sleep specialist says parents don’t need to panic.

“There’s no real memory or story that goes with it, just a whole bunch of screaming, upset behavior and the patient doesn’t realize what happened,” says neurologist Chris Winter, who runs Martha Jefferson Hospital’s sleep lab and has his own Pantops sleep clinic. He suggests letting the child ride out the night terror, and then preventing future episodes by waking the child gently about a half hour after he falls asleep, since night terrors typically occur in the first hour or two of sleep. Even touching a child’s back briefly until he stirs from sleep can short-circuit an impending night terror, he says, noting that some patients can be “cured” of the night terror pattern after only a few nights of this intervention.

While most parents expect early infancy to be a relatively sleepless time, it can come as an unpleasant surprise that sleep disorders can emerge even in previously “good” sleepers and at any age. From sleep walking and talking to bedwetting, interrupted sleep can be stressful not only for the child but for the family. And sleep deprivation is often unrecognized as a contributing factor to issues with mood and attention in children.

“Kids who are tired act hyperactive, moody and emotional, and sometimes people don’t actually link the two things—that the reason why she feels that way is he or she’s sleepy,” Winter explains.

Sleep walking and talking, like night terrors, typically go along with awakenings from a deep sleep, Winter says, and in cases where the issues are sustained over a period of time, a sleep study can be helpful to determine the underlying causes, which can range from sleep apnea to reflux.

Another common issue is bedwetting, medically known as enuresis, and while some recent studies have suggested that the issue in toddler to school-aged children is caused by undiagnosed constipation, other causes can also be unearthed in a sleep study.

So how do you know if it’s time to check your child into the sleep lab for a night?

“When your frustration level or your child’s frustration or anxiety level starts to rise, it’s probably a good indication that it’s time to go see a sleep specialist,” says Winter.

There is a widely held perception that moms are superwomen who can do it all. For a single mother, the role becomes that much more imposing than the already-impossible image of what a mom should be.

Whether it’s due to having children before marriage, without marriage or becoming single after divorce, the number of unmarried mothers has grown dramatically in recent decades.

One in four children is raised in a household without a father, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Locally, the number is closer to one in five. The Weldon Cooper Center for Public Service reports that in Charlottesville and Albemarle County, there are 3,144 single-mother households (in which children are being raised by a woman alone), accounting for 18-24 percent of all family households with kids under 18. The numbers are sobering, and so are the effects.

“So many women are prone to pretending they don’t have any needs,” says counselor Pamela McIntire, LPC, of Charlottesville Counseling Services. “Probably the biggest hurdle for a single mother is trying to balance her own needs with the needs of her kids.”

Growing up in a household without a father takes its toll on the child, too. Research suggests that children in two-parent households are less likely to have trouble in school and difficulties with relationships: something that often causes a single mom, already feeling more than her fair share of pressure, even more stress and more guilt.

McIntire’s advice? “Don’t let yourself get isolated. Make sure you have other adults to talk to—a friend, family member or a counselor. Talk with other moms.”

For those who haven’t walked a mile in a single mom’s shoes (which may be as worn out as her patience and her spirit), we spoke with a few unmarried mothers about their stories. Here, we offer a glimpse into their lives, their hopes and their dreams—both for themselves and for their children.

By Shea Gibbs, Laura Ingles and Lynn Thorne

Rascal the Bengal cat is a very good sport. The loyal sidekick to nearly 4-year-old Hannah Harris, he doesn’t mind being carried from room to room as Hannah plays around. Says Hannah’s mom, Aarika, the 10-year-old cat can jump in your arms on command and enjoys being worn around the neck. And Rascal doesn’t mind when Hannah dresses him up or uses him as a mountain for her toys to climb on.

The two are inseparable. When they sit on the covered porch together, Aarika says, they sit in side-by-side chairs, enjoying the outdoors.

But Hannah takes the responsibility of having a cat very seriously, cleaning the litter box (“She asked to!” Aarika insists) and his water bowl and feeding him.

And, says Aarika, “She always makes sure when he’s napping somewhere that he has a blanket and a pillow…even if those objects are her brother’s towel and brother’s hair brush.”

It all started with the Wicked soundtrack. During her long commutes to work 10 years ago, Erin Rothman sang along with the infamous Broadway cast while she was pregnant with her daughter, Anya. Anya wasn’t even 3 years old when her parents took her to the theater for the first time, and after hanging on the performers’ every word and movement in the British musical Oliver!, she was hooked.

When Erin asked her daughter if she was interested in performing in a show herself, the answer was a resounding and unsurprising “Yes!” Her first experience on stage was with Black Box Players, a non-audition community theater that allows everyone who registers to have a part. Anya made her debut as a Hoo in the production of Seussical the Musical when she was in kindergarten. Now 9 years old and full of energy and passion for being on stage, Anya has traveled out of state to perform in professional shows, and her dream role is Elphaba, the lovable green lead in Wicked.

“I just really like theater a lot,” Anya says simply. “I love singing, I love dancing and I love acting.”

The rising fifth grader has lofty goals for sure, but even at a young age, she understands that joining a Broadway cast doesn’t happen overnight.

“You can’t just go out for a big professional show at first,” she says. “It’s very unlikely that you’ll start out with a big one. Start out with local things and work your way up.”

Which is exactly what she did, and what she says she’d tell an aspiring young actor who wants to get started. When Anya had a couple shows under her belt and started learning more about performing on a professional level, Erin wanted to encourage her daughter to follow her dreams while still keeping her grounded and realistic.

“You have to do a lot of training, and kids do a lot of lessons in preparation for that,” Erin says. “We didn’t want to be like, ‘No, you just can’t do it,’ but there’s a lot involved. We wanted to get an idea of how competitive kids are and what level you have to be at.”

After discussing the potential commitment with her family, Anya auditioned for the part of Gretl in a professional production of The Sound of Music at The Millbrook Playhouse in Pennsylvania when she was 7 years old. She went in with an open mind and the wise-beyond-her-years understanding that not getting a part she wants won’t be the end of the world, but she did get the part, and thus spent the summer before third grade as the youngest member of the Von Trapp family.

“She had a ball with that, and she just kept doing more shows,” Erin says.

Luckily for Anya and other local kids who have aspirations of joining the pros, there’s a company in Charlottesville that helps young performers learn what it takes to do this for a living. Anya attends camps and takes classes at DMR (Dreams Made Real) Adventures, a local theater company owned by professional actor Melissa Charles.

“She really has an innate understanding of what it means to be an actor,” Melissa says of Anya. “Sometimes I just sit in awe of her.”

Professional acting is a whole different ballgame from local theater, with more competition and more on the line. It’s a tough industry to break into, with a lot of hard work and a lot of rejection, but Erin says that’s not what makes her anxious for her daughter.

“I sometimes worry, are they going to be friendly and welcoming? Or is it going to be really business-like?” Erin says. “To my great happy surprise, every [professional show] that she’s done has been amazing, and far exceeded our expectations. People have just been so kind, welcoming, supportive, friendly. I think that’s part of why we allow her to continue to pursue it at this level. It’s just been very positive, and she learns a lot from these experiences.”

Anya will be the first to tell you what she’s constantly learning and gaining from being onstage.

“I really do think it’s making me a better person,” she says. “You get to actually become someone else, but it’s not like you’re losing your real self. You get to put a bit of you into it. You get to find out about other people, and put yourself in someone else’s shoes.”

Anya’s most recent role was Sweetie Pie, the 6-year-old friend of the main character in the musical production of Because of Winn-Dixie, and she felt a kinship with the energetic young girl.

“We both like bouncing and jumping around, and we both love dogs,” she says. “There were actually real dogs in the show—it mixed theater and dogs at the same time, and it was just awesome.”

Anya and her mom spent weekdays in Delaware during the production of Because of Winn-Dixie, while her dad and brother stayed behind in Charlottesville. Rehearsal was long and intense, and she spent her free time staying caught up on her school work, FaceTiming into her classes when she could and e-mailing completed assignments to her teachers.

“I don’t know how she does it,” Erin says. “It’s just that she loves it so much.”

Give her a hand

Melissa Charles was a shy, introverted kid who felt uncomfortable in her own skin. Now a mother, teacher and business owner, she says being on stage, both as a child and an adult, has given her the confidence and ability to express herself that she lacked when she was younger.

“It’s funny. For people who are shy, it’s almost like when you’re in the spotlight, you don’t feel like people are watching,” says Charles, who’s had a career as a professional actor in theater, TV and commercials. “It feels like you’re existing in the world in a way you’re meant to be.”

Charles, a UVA grad who returned to Charlottesville nearly three years ago with her family, is the founder of Dreams Made Real (DMR) Adventures. DMR offers classes and camps for kids, and has produced dozens of plays and musicals. It also includes a youth leadership program, which gives students the opportunity to work with a mentor and get hands-on experience with everything from lighting design to choreographing.

And while Charles loves teaching and working with young performers like Anya, she believes strongly that in order to progress in the field, the kids need access to other professionals too.

“I do everything I can to bring in experts from the field, whether it’s casting directors or Broadway performers,” she says. “What has advanced these kids so quickly is having access to these guest artists.”

Details about DMR and upcoming classes are listed at dmradventures.com.—L.I.